Disintegration

I have never felt as poor or as hungry as I do now.

Every day, I wake up not knowing if I will have something to eat. My bank accounts are empty. I’m trying to sell my stuff online but no one has been buying for weeks. I go to my Rotary meeting for the free food because I can’t remember the last time I actually ate something I liked or ordered delivery. I’m nearly skin and bones and I can barely feed my dogs.

In a couple of days, I will run out of shampoo, toilet paper, toothpaste, and other basic stuff. The gas in my car is on its last 4 bars. All my creditors are running after me and I can’t even run literally, or walk, without cramping or feeling a searing pain in my legs because of my neuropathy.

It seems, by all accounts, like a personal apocalypse, my undoing, my unravelling at the seams.

Has my luck run out? It seems like it. Before, I would be described as my friends to be like a cat with nine lives, that no matter the circumstances, I would land on my feet. I used to feel like “the girl with golden hair” in the song Thank You for the Music. Now, I simply do not know how to thrive or go on with life.

Is this the end for me?