It’s Chinese New Year today and, unlike past years, I didn’t even attempt to celebrate. I think last year’s Year of the Dog was rather traumatic. When almost everyone thought that the Dog would be friendly to Rabbits, it was such a tough and difficult year.
I did buy new red panties and new flip-flops to slip into, but that’s the extent of it.
My blah state is probably a carry over from: 1) two Decisions that I had to rush because office staff neglected to tell me that our boss was going on a trip — and when I got mad at not being informed, they had the gall to feel slighted when all they do is laugh about, go out, excluding me, and then when the grunt work comes, they don’t give a hoot. Fuck them, really; 2) Being given a plate number that has the same coding day as my coding car when I already informed the dealer that I would like another number car. I already asked them beforehand what had to be done to make sure that I’d have a plate number with a different coding day than my other car and they said not to worry about it; that it could be fixed once a plate was issued (turns out that is very false information); and 3) Jeeves left without proper notice.
It’s Jeeves’ leaving that peeves me the most. He was our former househelp who also left the last time without proper notice and this was his second chance. The thing is, I came to realize that there are just people who LIE. Dr. House was right all along. Whatever happened to Word of Honor? I’m so very tempted to ask what is it in me that makes people think they can lie to me so blatantly? It just angers me so much that I kind of sort of wish that I had smiting powers so that I could rid the Earth of all these hypocrites and liars. Smite all the liars. Smite all the hypocrites. The world would be better off without them.
Instead, I chose New Earth. They will be held accountable for their actions, in this life or the next.
This life is tiring. Too much work and too little reward. You try to be fair and compassionate to others but all they do is hoodwink you. WTF.
So I’m alone (with the exception of the four-legged friends) and lonely, and even a husband wouldn’t add to my abundance coffer (or so Joy said). At this point, I’ve come to the conclusion that if lonely were a given, I would rather be rich and lonely rather than impoverished and lonely. And I’m firing that stupid oaf of a lawyer that drew up my Soul Contract for this life. (I know, that would most probably be me.)
So if I were wealthy….
… I wouldn’t have to work 2 other jobs to augment my income. I could just work (because I liked the company, work-environment) and not because I needed the money. I could even put up my own business so that I wouldn’t be tied to a desk and would have more time to circulate and socialize and meet other people.
… I would pay off all my loans and be debt-free.
… I would buy my dream house/s and have lots of fun decorating them and entertaining friends in them (yeah, what friends? I used to have a lot but everyone has their own families and their own lives)
… I would pay the household staff generous incomes so that they would stick around
… I would travel, even pay for the fares of my traveling companions, so that it would be a fun trip.
… I would set up something for my parents so that they have income each month.
… I would adopt children – grateful and loving ones – so that I could give them a better life.
… I’d support causes for preservation of animals
And that would be it, really.
It’s just that I feel I’m always playing catch-up with everyone else and the gap is so wide, the chasm so deep, that whatever I do, I can’t find myself on equal footing with them. And that, ladies and gentlemen, sucks.