Tag Archives: twin flame

And I’m Dreaming of You Tonight

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Strange dream after watching (and not finishing) Castaway.  Working on something for the office and so I just picked a movie to play in the background but not really watch.

Well, the entire thing reminded me of my Twin Flame journey.  And the tears kept coming, my chest was hurting, and I didn’t get to sleep until it was about 6am.   And I was wondering if, like in the movie, I should just let him go, or like in Hancock, another movie, I should just try to be happy here with someone else.

When I did get to sleep, I had this strange dream.   I dreamt that I was in the US at my relatives’ house there.  For some reason, D (my TF’s eldest son) and his fiancee were there also.  I wasn’t minding him at first because I didn’t really know him, but later on, he approached me to give “respect”.  He told me that that’s why they were there, but that he actually lived around 3 hours out.  It was something like he was the “advanced party” of his dad.

And he was much smaller than I imagined him to be.  A little smaller than me, even.  I do know that he’s tall, like his father, but in my dream, he was small.

Next scene was that we were on a double date.  That’s the weird part.  He sort of set me up with his friend and even though I was “attached”, it was a different feeling trying to be nice and pleasant to someone new.

No more details of the date, but it seemed we went back to the house afterward and there was a presentation.  And D was being accommodating, pretty much like my cousin when he was here, and he danced with us except he was wearing this striped red and white (big 4 inch stripes, mind you!) sleeveless 20s style bathing suit. Hahaha!  Now, I don’t know where that came from. LOL.

Mission Orders

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I just finished a wonderful session with Angel Linamarie.  I got in touch with her because of a dream I had the other night.  I’m not sure if jotted it down in this blog or what, but it was about me in a marketplace and then being approached by this huge Great Dane (bigger than the normal Great Dane) and this other dog.  They were not aggressive but the big dog wanted to hump me and I escaped into this house nearby which turned out to be the bigger dog’s house.  Met its owner who said I shouldn’t fear the dog, but I still tried to escape and when other people came in and the dog was distracted, I was able to get out of the house.

I thought it was pretty innocuous (the dream), but apparently, I was right to ask for guidance regarding it because it was heavy stuff that had to do with stuff I still needed to clear.  Linamarie even asked that it be towards the end of the session that we deal with the dream since it brought on heavy stuff and we were to tackle the twin flame stuff first.

In my session, we were joined by AA Michael and AA Metatron.  Let me jot this down in no particular order just so that I remember.

  • I should share my TF story about me and M to others more because it facilitates clearing
  • M’s Higher Self joined us. M said that there is not a day goes by that he doesn’t think of me; that he loves me very much (at one point he was giving me kissy faces).  Linamarie thought he was so cute.
  • He said that 99% we will be together in this lifetime.
  • M said that he is doing everything he can right now to clear his ancestral lineage, as I am doing, so that he we can get back together again. L said that there’s around 30% more to clear.  I said that the 70% took about a decade to clear and was just wondering what the 30% would translate like in time.  She said that the guides don’t work with time because they have no concept of time, but that since I’ve been doing so well, things will happen rapidly. I mean, once the 30% has been accomplish, things will rush in fast. It will create an energetic avalanche for the both of us to come together. AA Metatron was saying that it’s just this 30% that needs to be done and taking it step by step. We’re in the home stretch.
  • Part of what I’m getting when I feel that “I don’t want to do this anymore; I want to give up” it’s part of the next step of surrendering, also part of the process. It’s feels like letting go, but it’s really a letting go of control of how it’s going to happen. Like fake labor pains that help us get ready when we’re really giving birth already.
  • She also said that, before, time was very loose, and that we had a lot of leeway to exercise free will, but this is a time in our planet where things are speeding up because we have missions to do so that 30% will be faster than the 30% that I had to deal with before. There’s not much time left that’s why M and I are needed to do our missions and bring the light energy to the world. The guides said I should try my best to be patient because they’re doing their part in the back end to get everything into play.
  • They’re also saying that they have this magical surprise for me so I just have to show up.
  • M picked a very difficult ancestral line to heal and so have I.
  • My ancestors were also present and they said that a lot of them incarnated to help clear the lineage but they couldn’t do it.  So they sent me to do it and here I am, doing what they thought was impossible. They are very proud of me and will help me.
  • L said that it was very difficult to do — at which point I cried, because, yes, it’s been very difficult.  We took a moment to hold space for the sacred tears.
  • I need to ask assistance or help from others in the things I have to do.
  • M and I are old Twin Flames.  We’ve already incarnated together before and we’ve gotten together against all odds, so this isn’t new to us and we will do it again. The other TFs that we are currently helping right now are babies compared to us.
  • M remembers me a lot because he’s getting signs.  He usually gets signs from nature, with how the wind blows, a bird, etc.
  • M said to hold on and that I shouldn’t lose faith; he is coming back. He is doing everything he can to get back to me.  He’s come up with challenges and it is affecting him physically.
  • I asked if we would see each other in person this year, and M said that there is a large possibility that we would, the chances are very good.  I told L that I wasn’t getting in touch with him anymore, and she said that the guides (AA Metatron) was working hard to set up our reunion.  We might even meet randomly (bleh, I want to be prepared, what if I look like crap when I come across him?). But there’s something magical in store for us regarding our connection, so there’s a good chance of that random bumping into each other. However, they’re still cautioning because there’s still work to be done. It’s time to come into my power as a lightworker in my mission and that’s really needed right now.
  • When I was asking about time, I told L that M’s old already, and M said he thinks he’s young at which point I rolled my eyes and told her that yes, he’s confident, he even said that he could live past a hundred years for us to be together. Rolled my eyes again on that one.
  • M also said that he liked the idea of asking his Higher Self to snuggle whenever I wake up and to talk to each other before I go to bed. Why am I not surprised?  The guy is infinitely more mushy than I am. 
  • When asked about my  job and my mission, the message was to hang on, hold on because AA Metatron is preparing a situation for me wherein I will be able to use my lightwork in my real work.  I am still needed in my real work job.  There’s some job that they are preparing for me where I’m going to take what I’m learning in my job now and my spiritual work and they will line up together. When that happens that whatever they have prepared for me will kick in already, it will be magical.
  • Everything is happening in the exact way it’s supposed to happen, and she said that she doesn’t always say this, but in this case, it seems almost impossible for us not to be together because our souls want it so badly and with the experiences we’ve had before – this is not our first lifetime together – in line with the intuition that I’m already getting.
  • My dream (the dog dream) is about clearing that dominant, aggressive masculine energy. Even if I’ve cut the karmic cords with my dad and my brother, I should up it a level. So my next mission order is to EMBODY COMPASSION. I’m already doing it in a lot of ways, but this is kind of a push to take it further.  Because when I’m already in that embodied compassionate place, I’m no longer saying — there’s no right or wrong anymore. It’s just two souls that came into this lifetime to learn lessons; and be grateful that they were teachers in this life and you release your soul from that soul contract with them. And I do that by having great compassion and empathy for them.
  • She then told me about the Buddhist practice of Tonglen. Where I take in the suffering of others and transmute that into compassion.  Take no more than 7 breaths because it is very powerful.  During the in-take breath,  connect with the person, imagine the breath you are breathing in is red, warm, hot, take it to your heart center, swirl it around until it becomes a cool blue, then breathe it out. This changes the energy, the dynamic, the situation.

Throughout the session, the connection would fluctuate and there were times when I couldn’t hear her or see her.  She said that this sometimes happened when there were intense high vibrations between her and the twin she was helping out. I immediately took hold of my Shungite crystals to filter out and lower the vibrations a bit, and the connection stabilized.

So that’s it! I had other questions, but my time was up, and I didn’t feel any urgency in asking them.  I still have to work on the 30% in the meantime.

I love M.  And he loves me too. Even if she didn’t mention it, I knew that already.  But, as always, it was nice to hear.

Black Unicorns Redux

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I am no longer surprised why my 3D work can’t get done, LOL.

When I was looking for more insight on my Black Unicorn vision, I came across Bemay Le.  She is the Keeper of the Great Crystal, High Priestess of Atlantis, Cleopatra of Ancient Egypt, an Ascension Master of Rainbow Energy, The Legion of Black Dragons and Unicorns & the Sacred Arts of the Divine Feminine. So I messaged her the other day.

Today, she responded, thus:

BL: Black Unicorns are very sacred animals and work with the ancient divine feminine goddesses. The black ones only appear to those with the purest of hearts. I believe the blue horned ones are imbued and blessed with the blue ray starseed energies of protection, power and purity of Archangel Michael and Archaia Faith. I believe this blue horned black unicorn gave you a very magical and powerful blessing to open up your blue ray starseed third eye.

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I then told her that I knew I was a Starseed and a Blue/Golden Ray Twin Flame. I also told her that as part of enhancing my abilities, I used the Divine Codes to help further open up my Third Eye the day after New Year. While I am mainly claircognizant, I do get visions from time to time, but I would like them to be clearer.

BL: Wonderful! I think your answers to your hopes of “seeing” came in the form of this blue horned black unicorn. You must have a very divine sacred connection to the black ones. I love them personally.

Your blue ray third eye will be activated immediately which means you can see very clearly indeed. I received both of mine (the eye of Horus and eye of Ra) from AA Michael when I was initiated as a blue ray protector for Gaia. Try it out.

Oh, it just occurred to me that I forgot to tell her about the Unicorn Energy that came upon me during the 11/11 Portal. What I did remember to tell her was that in my meditation this morning, I found it strange that a single teardrop wept from my left eye.  I found this seriously weird because I know when I am overcome with emotions and weep, and believe me, that’s not just one teardrop.  And when I Googled the Eye of Horus/Ra, there was the single teardrop.  And now, she was telling me about it. Which makes me really think that there are no coincidences in this world.

BL:  Sounds like your teardrop is confirmation of your blue ray eyes working! Love sacred water as it the representation of the divine mother and sacred feminine energies we hold within!

Most people think that the third eye is just one eye but it’s not. When you have both blue ray eyes open, it’s very very powerful and you will know deeply that it is two eyes you are seeing from, not one third eye. I haven’t bothered mentioning this but I will do a post on it when I have more time to settle back from my holidays.

I seriously think that if I stop whirling around checking off things on my to-do list, that I could reap major benefit from my 5D life — or at least major understanding.

But that’s another thing, too.  Remember my botched Akashic Record Reading yesterday? I did check out AA Uriel and here’s what I got on him:

87a4ab9d0e3fb0c09d981a7b77e3fffcUriel’s name means “God is light,” “God’s light,” or “fire of God,” because he illuminates situations and gives prophetic information and warnings. For example, Uriel warned Noah of the impending flood, helped the prophet Ezra to interpret mystical predictions about the forthcoming Messiah, and delivered the Cabala to humankind. Uriel has also been credited with bringing the knowledge and practice of alchemy-the ability to turn base metal into precious metal, as well as the ability to manifest from thin air-to humankind.

And this, too:

In many senses Archangel Uriel is the Archangel of illumination and is humanity’s link to the spiritual realms and Uriel can show you how to find your inner power, raise your vibration and accelerate your shift and into the higher realms of consciousness.

Archangel Uriel can also help you to learn to listen to your body’s inner wisdom, along with opening your channels to directly receive divine guidance.

Additionally things like the realm of ideas, creativity, insights, judgment, magic, alchemy, astrology, universal consciousness, divine order, the distribution of power, the cosmic universal flow and the Earth’s environment are all within Uriel’s rule.

Divine Alchemy, Manifestation, Prophecy and Second Sight — these were the things that I wanted to work on in the coming year and it looks as AA Uriel will be the perfect guide in this part of my journey.  Her, and the Unicorns.

And here’s something else.  Remember the Citrine Rock I purchased yesterday?  I got it not knowing anything about AA Uriel and only finding out today that Citrine is one of AA Uriel’s crystals. Now, I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Do you?

Energy Tourney Levelling

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In the sport of Badminton, whenever there is a tournament, there is a “levelling” session first where participants get matched with other participants with the same skill set.  This is so the game becomes even, and all participants get the most out of the game.  The same principle applies whenever you’re just playing.  In order to “level-up”, you have to play with players who are ranked on a higher level than you in order to learn from them.

Why on earth am I talking about badminton?  Well, today, I got an “Akashic Record Reading”.  Yes, in quotes. One of my subscribers messaged me on my FB business page because she wanted to get in touch with another Twin from the same country. We chatted.  She seemed okay, and then she raved about this woman who gave Akashic Record readings who identified her as a twin and whatnot. I got excited and asked for leads to get in touch with this reader and, subsequently, made an appointed — which was today.

Prior to the reading, I was nervous.  So I got my Lemurian Seed Crystal and my Divine Crystal Grid Crystal out of my pouch and activated them while in the waiting room.  I even called in my guides to keep me company — and it was my guide from Lyra — I call her Fleur — who came in.  She helped keep my nervousness at bay with her lighthearted energy.

Come to think of it, I should have been tipped off by the energy of the person who came out of the room before it was my turn. The best I would describe it — all in retrospect, of course (which I am now kicking myself in the behind for) — was exasperation.  It wasn’t elation or the kind of energy that you’d get after a good healing session. It was more of an “Hmp” instead of an “Oooohhhh”.

Anyway, my turn came promptly at 2pm.  It was supposed to be a one hour session, but a we only got to 45 mins.  And I know because I timed it. Of those 45 mins., a good chunk of it was an interview.  I didn’t really see the purpose of it.  It’s like I was the one giving her information instead of her giving me some.  Then she said that my energy was blocked in the stomach area by dark energies which were preventing my light from shining through. Seriously, I didn’t know where she was getting what she was saying since I knew/know that I’m a clear channel now.  Especially since I just had a clearing with MK prior to the new year and I had a Reiju Reiki reattunement at the first hour of the new year.

She tells me that some guides of mine have to retire because they’ve been there since I was seven. So we did an invocation and clearing so that only the guides of love and light would remain. Sounds innocuous and good, right?  The thing is, after the session, I didn’t feel right.  I didn’t even sense any energy transfer from her. I mean, heck, the crystals I handled gave off more energy than she did. Plus, it left me with a gargantuan headache near the back of my head and this wasn’t the feeling after being energetically cleared.  Far from it.

Anyway, this was the information that I got from her (all after a million leading questions):

  • AA Uriel wants to work with me — (will have to check that out)
  • I have from a clan of witches (mother side) who weren’t really good because they were corrupted (bribes) and used their power for the dark side — this, after I told her I have never resonated with Wicca and/or Witchcraft even though I tried it.  I’ve always resonated with High Magick.
  • She kept asking about my grandfather, saying that he has some sort of power but didn’t tell me what
  • When I asked her if I should continue my mission, she said that I should stop it all together and concentrate on my career because it was through my career that I’d get what I wanted out of life.  Now, this is as off as off can be.  In my reading with Starsoul Tarot, the message was to continue my mission while waiting for my twin.  Even in my session with MK, when we called in my guide from the 22nd Dimension. my guide and HIS guides were telling me to continue my mission.  In fact, the answer was YES, YES, YES. Emphatic.
  • NOTE: It actually wasn’t responsive to my question because my question was how as I to balance mission and career. Bleh.
  • I asked if I would come into union with my twin in 3D and she said, “It’s possible, but you still haven’t merged energies yet.” What? I don’t know what she’s talking about because we’ve merged in 5D already and can talk telepathically.

Three hours later, my headache hadn’t dissipated.  I already tried shopping, eating, etc. — and ended up buying Past Life Oracle cards to see if I could get a more accurate read on it — but nothing worked.  It wasn’t like a migraine either because I’m familiar with how that feels.

It was also the birthday of Jeeves so I stopped at a restaurant to buy food to celebrate it.  While waiting for my order, I did a 911 text to MK searching for answers and confirmation to the “blocked energy in the stomach area” diagnosis.  It was 3:00 in the morning, thereabouts, when I messaged him so I wasn’t expecting an immediate reply, but it came. He wanted to clear my energy STAT because it was blocking me.

He said that she was working on fear-based energies that’s why I didn’t resonate with it and, hence, the headache.  Now, I didn’t expect to do the clearing then and there — I was just getting ready to drive off going home, but that’s what happened.

He told me to lie down as he cleared me.  I told him that I was in the driver’s seat in my car and all I could do was lean back.  Then he started washing away her energy to get my energy and kundalini flowing.  And, as with our very first session, the results were immediate and kundalini-blowing, lol.  I came over and over and since I was parked facing a restaurant, a security guard came to inspect.  I tried to be as still as possible and pretend I was talking/texting to someone on my phone which is why I was idling, but that seemed like an episode for Hold the Moan on Reddit.

I was very circumspect with MK, trying to describe what was happening clinically without getting into “foreplay/tease” mode. But the guy could feel my energy and could tell when my hips were still vibrating even if I had stopped describing what was happening on my end already.

I know it sounds like an erotic short story — but my slickness seeped through my panties, past my dress and into the car seat.  Six hours have passed but I still keep cumming in waves as soon as my mind goes idle and i’m not busy doing a task. I know that sounds weird, but I figured, if my mind is active, I can block it but once it relaxes, I’m in receiving mode, the inverted triangle, legs wide open, ready to receive. This part, I don’t think I will tell him about.  But my headache is gone and I feel light, like I’m glowing from the inside — and no, this isn’t post-orgasmic glow.  I can feel the energy circulating through me again.

Even MK acknowledged that we had awesome sexual energy together and that it was good that we lived far apart — continents away, in fact.  And this reminds me of my former spiritual teacher (who betrayed me because he ended up wanting to possess me) — who was doing all sorts of magic on me because he wanted to teach me the ways of tantra with him as the recipient. And I get it, since I’m mostly made up of Fire.

So, I guess, the question is, if I get energy healing sessions where the unintended consequence of it is raising my kundalini which manifests in multiple orgasms, am I cheating on my Twin?  I can feel energy. This is how I dodge unwanted attention from men.  I’m one step ahead.  My weak spot though is being touched.  Once there is physical contact, I unravel.  Anything before that, it’s a cool discipline in being detached.

I can ask my twin telepathically but I’m afraid to do that because even now, I can feel him energetically sulking. Kind of like, he knows I needed the clearing but he didn’t like the part that some other man’s energy was mingling with mine. So on that score, I’m just going to stay quiet until he stops muttering under his breath.

The only good thing from that botched Akashic Record encounter was that I was able to purchase a big citrine rock on an orgone generator base — which I was really looking for.  They were selling various crystals in that place and this one was the one within my budget that had the most energy coming out from it.

Of course, that, and the kundalini rising from the clearing afterwards.  It isn’t over yet.  Waves, I tell you.

Waves.

 

 

12:12

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It’s 4am and I just finished the live 12-strand DNA Activation event with Jen Mccarty. Very powerful stuff and I just loved the visualization that came along with it.  Everything was clear in my head.

For posterity, this is what the event was all about:

“The next webinar transmission will be taking place on the 12th december 2016 at 6 pm uk time, in this transmission we will be masterfully activating the 12 strand DNA helix in the personal energy fields of all the participants and of course in their divine twin flames, and we will be activating the 12 strand DNA helix in the 3rd dimensional consciousness as a whole, spirit has called this master circle to gather on this highlighted gateway date to act as the conduits for this potent light dispensation and alignment.

For those of you who come forward to take part in 12:12 activation transmission to activate the 12 strand DNA helix please know you will be energizing and stimulating your pineal gland to release its highest multidimensional codes,and you will aligning with your full clairsentient gifts in a powerful and lasting way. you will be stimulating and nourishing the memory codes of eternal youth that are stored in your pituitary gland and you will vibrationally be aligning with the aspect of your consciousness that resides in the realm of miracle activator. You will be standing as the forerunner for this template which is awaiting all of humanity to align with, supporting and enabling you to fully break free of the limitations imposed upon you by the 3D realm, and move freely as a liberated being, unbound by the false programs that dominate the 3D consciousness.

On this powerful day we have also been guided to assist the masculine polarity counterparts to finally come into full and unequivocal recognition of the identity of their bonafide twin flame. Please know there has been a call sent out from the masculine counterparts that they require deep assistance to attune to the truth that exists beyond the veil of samsara/illusion/the 3rd dimension as the illusion has been far more convincing than originally intended……”

as ever gathering in an enlightened group setting to activate these remembrances is extremely potent, and working with these specific activation dates also exponentially increases the efficiency of these intentions.

We are also being called to use this powerful time together to further assist our brothers and sisters who are on the front line at standing rock, we will be bringing through an extremely important prayer and meditation specifically calling in the higher selves of the police, and enforcement officers who are working and indeed many could argue selling their souls to the corrupt corporations… Your presence is deeply required to be on this call, This is a huge soul offering that we are initiating and the more high vibrational lightworkers that gather on this important date the more swift and proficient the changes will be.”

I don’t know how to describe how I felt afterward.  On the Twin Flame level, there was intertwinement of the highest degree, the kind that has no words but just IS. I know that doesn’t seem to make sense, but at this level, there are no more questions. Everything has been answered.

On the planetary level, after we had anchored the 24-strand DNA into the planet and released the dormant codes laying in the caverns tucked away at our own grid point (and there are many in my country), Gaia started to feel like Lyra. That is the best way for me to describe it. Where everyone is ONE with everything else — the trees, the waterfalls, the sky, the air.

Anyway, I wasn’t able to get weekly readings out or even a reading on the 12:12 portal because I had my interview with the Embassy for my visa.  That was a huge step for me, even applying for it, because it brought up all those nasty wounds that I decided to ignore, wounds that I had received when I went through my “Series of Unfortunate Events” that ultimately resulted in trauma and spiritual awakening. The kind where you have nowhere to turn to but God because he’s the only one who can help.

It was difficult preparing for it because I thought that since I had “overstayed” the last time, that would put me out of the running.   And when the question was asked of me, “How long did you stay during your last trip?” and I answered, “So and so years”Needless to say, my interviewer’s ears perked up.  I said, “I was a victim of crime.” And out the story stumbled. She said she was sorry it happened to me.  I told her that the right side of my face was still numb up to now and that I left as soon as my appeal was denied.  Then she asked for documentation of the crime, and I’m glad that I still kept one copy of my entire petition and didn’t burn it for want of forgetting.

The four people in line before me were all denied.  The girl wanting to visit her boyfriend got denied, too.  Families had it easier, probably because it would be hard to tuck all of them away into illegal immigrant status.

I was nervous, but the entire time I was in line, I was clutching my shungite and invoking the Violet Flame to help transmute my nervous energy into calmness.  Then, the verdict came in:  Your visa is approved.

I thanked her and shuffled to get my things in order, still in shock.  I even asked her where my passport was and she said it was already with her. I think I am still in shock now.

My twin was with me the entire time.  He was so gentle and supportive and loving that I could not ask more of him , energetically speaking.  I felt him giving me a warm embrace before I went into the embassy and could sense him smiling when I got approved.

I am truly, truly grateful for EVERYTHING.

When my appeal was denied, I hit rock bottom.  It was an all or nothing venture for me when I headed out there.  It depleted me on all levels and I wanted to kill myself.  I was actually about to do it when an angel in the guise of a friend, called me out of the blue and snapped me out of my stupor.  Then I prayed and prayed some more.  And I made a promise to God that I would live.

I came home and was still faced with a myriad of challenges after that, but now, I feel as though I’m looking at everything that’s happened from the other side.  It’s like taking a rough slide to home base and someone shouting in my ear, “You’re safe!”

And I know I am.  For that, I am truly, truly grateful to God, to my Higher Self and Spiritual Team, to my angels without whom I could never navigate my days successfully, to the Archangels, especially AAs Michael & Raphael and their Archeas Faith and Portia, to the Unicorns and the other ascended beings, to my Galactic Ancestors — the Lyrans, the Arcturians, and to the Ascended Masters who have guided me and held my hand along this journey.  And to my Beloved Counterpart, my Other Half who fills the true essence of my expanded Heart.  I love all of you.  And I am truly, truly grateful.

 

The Little or Big Cry

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I finally got a big chunk of sleep and while I did, I dreamt of my Twin.

I was billeted in the hotel where we used to meet whenever he’s in the country. I was accompanied, I think, by my aunt whom I used to live with in the US. I was in the hotel restaurant/cafe when he walked in with the karmic.  His whole family was with him.

I didn’t recognize him at first because he was smaller than the karmic and a whole lot older.  Normally, he towers over her at 6’3″ — she’s 5’4″, practically my height, but in my dream, he was almost shrivelled, kind of how Bilbo Baggins looked like in the Fellowship of the Ring as opposed to when he was played by Martin Freeman in the Hobbit.

I was observing them from where I sat in the restaurant.  And I could see that he was truly genuinely affectionate with her, wrapping her arms around her at times, holding her hand;  it was, I felt, as though he had totally forgotten about my existence in the midst of this domestic bliss.

She, on the other hand, was bigger and stockier than she usually is.  She was quite jolly and in love, wearing a monochromatic theme in silver — a long sleeved-cardigan with inner tank and loose fitting trousers. They were on a family vacation, and for some reason, in my dream, we were given the same room, a big one though.

I was wondering when I would approach him.  And my dream turned into some kind of vignette where I would go to places that he would likely visit — the golf course, in my dream — hoping to bump into him.

Last shot was me left in the room with the girlfriend of his eldest son, D. She was just chilling there and I thought to strike up a conversation.  She was very friendly and told me what it was like to be part of the family.  I asked her whatever happened to R, D’s ex, and she told me that R preceded her, and that was ages ago because D was now 29.  And if you translate that into human years, that would be six or more years into the future.

Wow.

That was it though. We never did get to meet up again in person; and I just found out what a lovely time he was having with his family. In my dream, I felt that he was completely smitten with the karmic, falling in love all over again with her.

So, I wake up thinking that maybe this is the “memory” or the sadness that I had to bring up and have a “little or big cry” about, that bit he told me about where he said that he could see himself growing old with her. I did ask my guides for a message before I slept, and for the first time in a looong time, I dreamt about my twin again.

In my dream, I decided not to approach him anymore because he was clearly, obviously happy. I wouldn’t go as far to say that I was happy for him, but I did feel that I had come to terms with the situation, accepted the fact that he was happy, and just let it go.

So, here I am, typing it all down before I forget. I still haven’t had that “little or big cry” about it, just a pervading feeling of sadness.  It could very well be true that, at this point in time, having been in separation for so long, that I’d been totally wiped out of his memory. Or that the power of the evil karmic has seeped into his bones causing him to age, shrink, and do her bidding over his free will — but that’s just wishful thinking on my part, that he isn’t doing this out of his own volition.

Perhaps this is supposed to be the memory that I’ve suppressed and that I need to unearth.  I hadn’t really thought about what he said in so long because it hurt.  He had already decided to spend all his tomorrows with “her”, regardless of what those days may bring.  He picked her.  He wanted to take a chance with her. He decided to stay with her.

And what did Hazel say I should do once this sadness comes to the fore?  Just release it. Let my defenses down with my sadness and feelings.  She said that this little bit is the only thing that’s blocking me from going towards my destiny; that I’ve been doing such a good job seeing things as energy that I’ve blocked off feeling this. So what I’m supposed to do is just feel this — btw, yes, I did have a cry while writing this — but don’t wallow in the sadness. Just let it go.

So I get it now.  That vision of him growing old with his family and totally forgetting about me was a fear that I’ve suppressed.  It’s totally at odds with me believing in him, in the path, and what the future holds for us as twin flames. It’s incongruent with the our nature as one soul coming towards each other for union after having spent several lifetimes apart in order to grow. So, there.  I acknowledge that it was a fear, but I embrace; I release it; and I choose to grow beyond that fear; to fully trust the Universe that the future it holds for me and my twin is better than anything I could have ever imagined. And, yes, that is in 3D, because energetic union in 5D and in higher dimensions, that’s already the goal. So what else could that pertain to but 3D where all illusion exists?

I can feel my vibration rise several notches higher now than when I started writing this post. And it feels good. So I thank my Higher Self and Spiritual Team for unearthing that memory which caused me so much pain and showing me what it is that I had blocked out in my dreams. I do, however, in my supreme and sovereign power, choose NOT to manifest it.

We are Creators, both you and I. Remember that.

 

Healing and More

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What you missed in the last episode:  Triggered by a Twin Flame friend.

Okay, just a quick update on that one. What I did was to do Reiki on myself and incorporate the healing codes for forgiveness, betrayal, to clear negativity and for a windfall. And, indeed, I felt a this heaviness lift from me. The “windfall” came too because while I was doing it, a text came in.  I ignored it at that time because it was interrupting my session, but when I read it, it was confirmation that the money I needed to support my application was on its way.

So I did open my heart again to my TF friend. Early this morning, we took part in a prerequisite healing session for our upcoming Light Language Workshop course. That was at 1:30am, my time, and I wasn’t surprised that I was having technical glitches right before it. Seriously, it’s like there’s an entity or what that doesn’t want me to come into my full power, and I kind of sensed that I think which is why I loaded up on my mobile wifi devices. I was looking forward to the video conference call because I was on pretty decent Fiber Internet but, no, today, of all days, it goes down for the first time ever. Not even a slowdown in bandwidth; it totally didn’t connect. Good thing, redundancy measures were in place.

Anyway, onto the healing proper.  There was just three of us. My TF friend and this other woman. For the Twins in the group, most of the stuff we had to clear were past life issues.  My TF friend — dangit, I have to give her a name, at some point, ya know? — was an elder in a tribal village and was the repository of wisdom of that village.  Her soul shock came when the Annunaki obliterated her whole village, killing all the women and children, and her too.

As for me, one of my biggest soul traumas came from these people who double-crossed me.  They took my son from me and made me sign a contract that turned over my land and power, and whatever else, making me believe that if I did that — which I did — my son would be back safely in my arms.  But the double crossing motherfuckers still killed him anyway.

And this resonates with me.  Some readers have told me before that I’d already lost a child which didn’t make sense at the time since I’ve never been pregnant in this lifetime.  Then, it also explains why I’ve been writing poems about my unborn child or something like that when I was younger.

So that voidable contract has been ripped to shreds and burned. It wasn’t my fault he died. I think I will still have to continue forgiving myself for that.

Another thing that was mentioned in regards to me was that some of my soul fragments have been taken by a man every time we’ve engaged in sexual intercourse.  Now, I’m not quite clear if that happened in a past life or in this one.  If it was in this one, it’s kind of difficult to pin the whodunnit part down since I’ve had that woman whore phase in my life.

There was another thing too.  At one point in time, the back of my head was hurting. They said that there was a big ass stick speared through my Pineal Gland from my back which was interfering with me accessing my Third Eye and all that.  The stake went out through my back. So everyone in the group helped in  removing that and I did feel a clearing after.  It’s like when you take a piece of barbecue out of the skewer and there’s hole in a that piece of meat.

Anyway, Chris of Merakilight, already told me before that I’d been abducted by aliens as a child and this was why I have difficulty accessing memories.  I feel that there’s a program installed for me to continually not remember my life experiences. I meant to bring that up during the healing session but the entire session was distracted by the other participant who had scores of other issues to be healed. For discussion’s sake, let’s call her Doodie.

So, during introductions, Doodie says that she’s taken all sort of healing modality certifications, whatever was out there.  For the RMT certification that both me and my TF friend have, she probably has 5 more. BUT, despite that, she had difficulty healing herself and, intuitively, I felt that all her life she has been plagued with disempowerment, loneliness and unhappiness. It’s like she’s been trying to hard to ascend that she’s practically latched onto the new age bandwagon, but there’s this anchor keeping her to where she’s stuck. I’m intuiting it’s because she’s continually stuck on the external. Possibly TF friend and I have advanced rapidly precisely because we are twin flames.

Many times during the session I have tried to stifle blurting out in laughter because, much as I empathize with her condition, her heavy breathing through the microphone was making me crack up and snapping me out of the “zone” I was in.

Anyway, at some point during the session, we were asked to visualize our future selves, fully empowered and in full possession of our gifts.  I saw myself clearly, and I was beautiful, sexy, tangibly abundant and, best of all, happy with my Twin Flame by my side. And you bet your ass I merged with “her”. That vision of her/me + the words of Starsoul Tarot — better than you ever imagined — echoing in the background, that was just pure awesomeness. I know there’s a better word for it, but just add superlatives to those in your head, lol.

And I’m going to end this on that note, a decidedly high one. 🙂