Tag Archives: anchor

The Homecoming


“Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination…”

– What’s Up?, 4NonBlondes


I don’t think I’ve fully recovered yet from Homecoming Weekend.  I think I was drunk for four entire days.  My voice is hoarse and I sound like a villain in a horror movie;  I’ve been leaving around a trail of tissues since getting this massive cold; and my body malaise has lingered around despite having two massages already.

Of course, it was fun getting in touch with all the girls I grew up with.  We all had our own stories to tell.  Most have been divorced/annulled or are in the process of getting one, often because they got cheated on by their husbands.  Heck, even the lone lesbian in the group, the very butch one, got cheated on by her girlfriend. Others were still in loving marriages although had their share of husband bashing.  Very few, like me, have remained single, although all of us would have rather we didn’t.

But all of them seemed financially set, except for me.  They had their own houses, cars with drivers, businesses, investments.  They could afford to go on trips on their own steam.  And I think, more than being forlorn, this is what got to me the most.  Because even if I was single, being abundantly wealthy, would have taken the sting out of that.  Although no one was outrightly judgemental about my situation, I could feel how they segregated me when they talked about other stuff.

The most successful one in our batch, IMHO, is a dermatologist with a very lucrative practice.  She’s got A-list clients left and right.  And I can’t even afford her services, except for the very basic ones.  She was talking about this mystic who gave out Millenium Healings for A-list people.  When I asked how much the service cost, expressing interest in the matter, she was hesitant to tell me.  Actually, I felt that she was even discouraging me from it because it was well beyond my price range.  That stung.

I was interested because I wanted to know if I “needed” the service, given that I’m an activated starseed indigo with powers of my own.  And after perusing what the service was about, heck, I can even provide the service to others myself, and whatnot, except that I don’t because that takes an exceptional amount of energy and more than being a “healer”, I am primarily an anchor for higher frequency energies which is taxing in itself.  In other words, I’d serve the Universe better by “mass broadcasting” instead of just focusing on the humans one at a time.  It’s a pretty cool job.  I don’t have to do much, just be myself.  However, it does have its drawbacks.  One, I don’t get to monetize it like those who do specific healings or readings which, again, I understand because that would detract me from having an energy reign in my vicinity; and two, the dispensing karma part of my divine nature is the one that gives me much pain and suffering because most of the humans I dispense the tests to fail miserably and hurt me in the process.

But, again, I understand.  The consequences of their failings have to be lived out by me too in this 3D world, even if they are excruciatingly slow in manifesting, despite being immediate in the other dimensions.  It sucks, but then again, that’s the way it works.

During the festivities, even though I was in a celebratory mood, I realized that I am more pensive and quiet than most.  There was this girl there, however, that was simply loud and annoying.  It was like standing next to a megaphone that she liked to hog.  No, I didn’t like her at all.  I’ve pegged her as a vexation to the spirit, like a mosquito that keeps buzzing nearby that you can’t seem to swat. She does have her funny moments, but more often than not, she makes me feel like playing whack-a-mole.  And she’d be the mole.

Anyway, even if I’d like nothing more than to just chill and sleep off my congested chest and nose, I have to get to work.



Transmuted Energy


I’ve been doing it again, discharging electric devices within my vicinity.  It may have something to do with the impending storm.  There’s a big typhoon headed in my country (International name: Koppu) and I think it has something to do with it.

I’ve blown out two lightbulbs in the past three days.

Today, I went to a wedding.  Since that would take the whole day out of the house, I made sure that all my gadgets and my power banks (two of them) were fully charged.  It wasn’t midday yet, and I hadn’t used any of them for lengthy amounts of time and yet, they had lost 90% of their juice.

Even my charging cables refused to cooperate and are now useless despite having bought them not two weeks ago.

Two nights before the wedding, I met up with a childhood friend whom I hadn’t seen in 30 years.  He migrated to the US and hadn’t been in the country for 17 years and in the two days that he spent here, he wanted to spend time to talk to me.

I didn’t find that odd.  I was wondering, however, what we would be talking about, if it would be small talk or what.  It turned out to be a very different and easy going conversation.

Turns out, he was on a spiritual path and he sort of needed to talk to me.  Talking about being a starseed, my soul contract, my missions in life, the Karmic Board, the Annunaki, and all related things just flowed.

I think this is connected as well.  I think this has something to do with the three people I was in conversation with, all at very challenging times in their lives.

I already know that I anchor higher frequencies.  I’m not quite sure what color ray I’m anchoring now, but I’ve gone from the violet flame, the silver platinum ray, the gold platinum ray, then became a sort of grey metallic ray, and then yellow which is just in its initial stages.

I know that since the higher frequencies I anchor often disrupt the lower frequencies of electronics that that’s what causes the Carrie-like episodes.  Same thing happens when emotions and/or stress runs high in me.

So my theory is that it goes both ways and that I am a channel.  Kind of like a vacuum for energy — whether higher or lower — and I’m like a channel that transmutes it when it passes through me.

The higher frequencies get diluted in a wave (my words, I don’t know what it’s actually called) that when I disperse my energy to everyone I meet, they can assimilate it.

The passive lower energies — those who are emotionally stressed but aren’t intentionally “passing it on” to others (e.g. lashing out), I sort of siphon it from them so that they get “better” energy.

Those who have lower energies but aren’t aware they have them, I bring it out in them.  Hence, my penchant for courting intrigue, envy and jealousy from others without provocation.

Those who have lower energies and recognize my ability and dump them on me in a hostile and aggressive manner, are repelled by me as equally aggressively.  They are not transmutations that I have willingly taken on.  They are violent, forced upon me, by greedy and abusive people who want their energy transmuted regardless of its effect on the vessel.  They can go fuck themselves.

It’s the energy frequencies of the non-living things that are the casualties in this electrical alchemy that I’ve been performing for so many years unwittingly.

But I think tonight, I’ve had a breakthrough in my spiritual role as an energy alchemist.

It’s also why I need lots of time by myself to recharge because all the energy passing through me to be transmuted is psychically and physically draining.

I think it’s about time I asked my guides for one of my other soul names.  I feel that I am ready to be given it.

Maybe it’s also why I cannot hold onto love energy.  (this is farfetched but I’m typing thoughts as they come into my head)  Love energy is very soft. However, it cannot survive in its 3D form in the face of higher frequencies.  Which just means that my love life is fucked.

I don’t want to think about it.  It’s too depressing.  I’ll reserve ruminating on that another night.

The Fine Print


Felt incredibly sad today.  Somebody came in to measure my room because, apparently, my parents are set to sell this house.  They plan to buy a new place and take my brother with them, but not me.

So in a couple of months, I’m going to be left homeless again.  Still don’t know what’s going to happen.  I don’t have money to rent a new place, and finding a place to rent which allows dogs is going to be tricky.  And this, just when I’m loving living in this place and my life here, so to speak, has been set on autopilot already.

What bugs me the most is how they’re being surreptitious about all this.  Like they want to catch me unaware.  I went downstairs to do some baking and when I looked around, most of the things have been packed, drawers were empty, and there were boxes labeled.  When my mom got there, I even asked her why the kitchen drawers were empty and she had the temerity to pretend not to know anything.  She merely shrugged and said that maybe they were old and were thrown away.  Liar.

It seems that every four years or so, I have to move and it’s not of my own choosing.  It’s usually dictated by circumstances, and I was just wondering if this was in the “fine print” of my soul contract.  I’m an anchor for higher energies, and I know that my loner life and my escape of that by surrounding myself with other people is a mechanism by which I get to spread energy.  It’s just so damn stressful and lonely.

Although they’ve done this to me several times before, the betrayal is nonetheless heartbreaking.  Of course, I know I’ll survive.  But I think this is the end of the line for me when it comes to my so-called earth family.  It’s time to look for a new one or be with chosen family that actually have a regard for me.

Is this my lot in life?  I’ve asked the Karmic Board to grant me a partner to go through life with and they answered positively.  Yet, I’m still alone.  Not exactly helpless, but still some ever lost human who has more direction in another dimension other than this one.

I’ve prayed to the ascended masters, my angels, asked my higher self and spiritual team to help me, prayed to the archangels, and now, I don’t know what to do anymore.

There is somehow a brighter side to this.  Each move that I’ve had was an upgrade of sorts.  Yes, I may have gone back to the “family home” when I moved back from the US, but it was still an upgrade considering I got another room, one which was attached to a balcony as wide as our living room, and I had full view of the skies, the stars, and all the glory of nature.  Plus, it gave my dogs room to run around and watch the passersby with air to breathe.  That’s what I have right now — sunshine, air, a view of the mountains, serenity. That’s what I’ll be saying goodbye to in I don’t know when.

And with what I can afford now, with no money in the bank, is some rinky dink apartment in probably some shady part of town with no appliances or furniture either.  Not really looking forward to that.  So I really don’t know how the upgrade part is going to work out if this really is a cosmic pattern in my contract.

I guess, it’s time to pray for a miracle.  At least, I’m thankful for my guides for alerting me to the situation even if my earth-parents have been jackasses about it.  Maybe I’ll stay in my current job until I reach goal weight (because it gives me time to work out and rejuvenate) and once I’m in maintenance, aim for a job with a higher paycheck.  Then, I’m going to travel and spread energy elsewhere.

Sometimes, I hate this job that I signed up for.  Not my earth job, but this starseed thing.  It makes it seem that I have a choice when I really don’t.  We’re supposed to be experiencing joy in this life, not just the crappy parts of it.  I seriously hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel in this life, not just the next.