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I had a difficult time raising my vibration after that reading with JK. But, of course, the Universe was watching out for me, and one of those rare instances when I opened my FB, I saw that Starsoul Tarot (a.k.a. Hazel, Illumined Souls) had a special on, so I booked an appointment the day before M’s birthday.

I told her about the circumstances with my reading with JK and how I had felt that a lot of what she told me was off. I didn’t give too much information and certainly not the details of her reading because I didn’t want to convolute the messages that she got for me.

Anyway, the first thing she told me was that, as far as Soul Origin goes, she saw that I was surrounded by white light and that I was not obstructed by anything karmic. It was a day after the reading that she told me that her guides told me that I was an angelic.

This resonated because sometimes, when I ask to be connected to the Highest Aspect of Myself that I can connect with at the time, this is what I see.

She said that she got the Ace of Pentacles which meant that this was the start of a new cycle in my evolution. It’s a new beginning so I’ve got to let go of everything I’ve heard before that confused me.

She confirmed that M is my TF (as opposed to JK’s pronouncement that he was just my Soul Mate and that we would not get together in this lifetime and that my true TF was some guy with a limp) and all I needed to do was to wait for him to come into his truth. That’s why I couldn’t muster any enthusiasm to date anyone else even if I would like a companion for the future.

The effect of the energy of JK’s reading was to deflect me from this truth. Not one part of what she said to me was true. (can confirm! not even the bit about why I didn’t have security of home, or the role I play in my parents’ ascension.) All was just obstructing my truth.

She said that I had to view the value of the reading from a different perspective. I had to see it as a test to bring me back to the truth. It was a way for me to distinguish something that was outside who I really was and how it didn’t resonate. I guess, it was kind of like those game shows where you’re blindfolded and you have to guess what it is in front of you based on the texture or the taste. At least now, I know that whatever fiction JK trumped up, it was all fiction.

So, in essence, it was like I had contracted a spiritual illness because of JK’s reading. She’s pulling people out of their vibrations all over the place. She told me to believe in myself and to not let JK pull me out of my vibration. She said that I was very spiritual, very high-minded, very intuitive, and that I was creating abundance out of my true nature. JK probably sensed this and so there’s a bit of jealousy going on there.

As for M, she said that he’s not ready yet.  He’s also confused now because I’m confused. I have to get myself back on track so that he can also get back on track. I have to clear my energy field again and work extra hard to get my vibration back.

She said that JK was trying to rip twins apart. So I should get back to where I was before. I will come back stronger than ever and be able to put out high level information for others more than I used to do, and that I would become more powerful. I should create boundaries around myself to respect my true authentic self.

As for M’s birthday, I’m supposed to send a short message – nothing overwhelming. On a soul level, he’s waiting for that chance. He won’t reply right away but it’s going to be good for me in the long run.

Now, I did get that prompting about that birthday message from Spirit a few days or maybe even a week before. I had maintained silence all this time, giving him space, and I think the last message he got from me was almost two years ago, but that was long-winded and loaded.

She confirmed that, unlike JK’s gloom and doom prophecy, M and I were going to come together in this lifetime and incarnation. He’s not doing well right now. He’s not in his power emotionally because his wounding is still affecting him.

He’s still making a choice about his marriage. He’s not happy about where he is in life. He’s holding back from me because of the sadness that happened between us and he carries a lot of guilt and shame. He would like to reach out to me in some respects and that he thinks about me a lot in the physical sense. (meaning his 3D body is thinking of me, not in 5D). He thinks that I’m better off than him financially (not true – he’s just assuming this because I come from a political family and his culture says that those who come from political families also have wealth). So he thinks’ he’s not worthy of me and that I’m kind of out of his league.

He thinks about contacting me as well but thinks I’m out of reach (probably because of my last email which sounded like a definitive goodbye). So it’s best to send that birthday message.

He’s still in ego and sees things one-dimensionally. He still needs to make that decision to leave his karmic, but he’s moving on in the near future and leaving her.

She reiterated that he thinks a lot of me and that if he could turn back the clock 20 years, he would not have married B at all. Still, he’s keeping his feelings for me very close and locked up a bit.

Being my TF, he’s got a purpose beyond our physical reunion so I shouldn’t worry too much about the whys, wherefores, and when. They’re going to resolve themselves as soon as I resolve my inner conflict. He will come back to me.

And then she reminded me again to go ahead and send that birthday message.

And I did.

Of course, I didn’t get a response (wasn’t expecting any). And then, the Universe presented me with a whole host of other fires I had to put out (helpers tendering their resignation), but after the reading I felt Power returning to me. And Clarity. I’m still shying away from public readings, but I think I shall put out something soon.

As for JK, from the time I got that reading until quite recently, I was having second thoughts on whether or not I should send her feedback regarding the reading. She has a massive presence on FB, charges $300-$400 per reading, and seems to know what she’s talking about, “seems” being the operative word. But while I was just thinking about how odd it was that she would miss the mark by a mile when it came to my reading, it dawned on me that in her bio, prior to her awakening sometime in 2008, she had been a librarian for decades. Her awakening was prompted by her being fired from her job, for reasons beyond her control. They were downsizing, I think. And she lists this as the event that jarred her out of her sleep.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with librarians. They’re usually very affable and pleasant.  One fact is indisputable though — well, not one fact, several which I shall mention — 1) they have a lot of time on their hands; 2) they are surrounded by books, all of which they have access to; and 3) the more you read, the better you write because you imbibe the material, the tone, the information being put out there by other authors. In other words, since there is nothing short of truly original in this day and age, almost all written work is derived from something else.

Hence, the loquaciousness. Hence, the verbosity.  Hence, the prolific writing. And, most often, she churns out fiction. That’s very dangerous.

What I sensed in the reading (which Illumined Souls confirmed) was that she was getting impression but did not know whether they belonged to the past or the future. For those she couldn’t tap into, she would just spew fiction. So best to leave that all behind and charge it to experience.




On the Fence


Rollercoaster day, emotion-wise. I don’t have the time to lay down all the details of it, but the supposed highlight was my getting a soul reading by JK. I think she was highly inaccurate. And when I asked my pendulum and my cards, it leaned that way too.

That’s kind of a disappointment considering that it cost and arm and a leg.

Velanthas was more accurate. I hope she’s still into giving readings as the last time I checked her blog, she was focusing more on her soul mission. Hazel was more accurate (Starsoul Tarot a.k.a. Illumined Souls).

Back to JK – I am going to read it again, but it doesn’t make sense. It’s as if there were some parts of me that she couldn’t tap. She had me pegged down as someone desperate and needy for love. Yes, I’ve been that in the past, but it’s as if she wasn’t given access to the future. She just kept babbling about me having to love myself yada yada yada and was assuming that all this time, I was dependent on my folks.

What I’m getting is that there is a certain point wherein she was able to read me, but the High Priestess came along and all her faulty assumptions contributed to an off-reading from that point onwards.

Anyway, I shall read it again, but very little resonated.


The Year That Was


I’m spending New Year’s Eve alone this year. My family will be celebrating with my Grand Uncle’s family as he is terminally ill and can’t move about as he used to.  Traditionally, they would drive over to our place to spend the holiday here.

I could go with them, but four of my furkids will be scared and anxious because of the firecrackers and the fireworks so I’ll be staying behind. Truth to tell, I am glad for the silence and the peace.  Even if I wanted to go, I don’t feel all that well and this looks like the flu about to rear its head.

Okay, so onto my remembrance of the year that was, 2017. I often have to do this because my memory is short at times, and if I don’t write this down, it will just fly away.


  • was able to go see Coron in an all expense paid trip with my cousins. It was my first time there and it was spectacular
  • manifested a brand new car, top of the line in its own model
  • got into the Buy and Sell network and was able to purchase those high-end designer bags that I like at bargain price. Now, this is kind of a biggie because I really don’t shop at boutiques because I find their prices too exorbitant and excessive even if I love the bags.
  • same thing with shoes – and I think this year I will have to prune my collection
  • was able to surpass the prediction of my reader on how many clients I would have with my mission many times over — and am truly grateful for them
  • closed the circle on my “Series of Unfortunate Events” saga which took a decade to do and was able to go back to the US and be with my extended family (whom I truly feel at home with even more than my immediate family because the love is just there)
  • I was able to raise funds to buy Maximus a custom brace where he is able to lay down and sit while worn
  • I had that photoshoot with the furkids on Maximus’ birthday (which I should turn into a photobook)
  • I learned that I naturally have beachlocks if I don’t blow dry! (this is also a biggie since I have been wanting to have wavy hair since I was young. In fact, I damaged my hair trying to get this and that perm when all I needed was a good layered cut and not do anything with it afterwards)
  • reconnected with my orgmates from college
  • was finally able to replace my other ten-year old laptop with something new so I can edit on both my laptops at the same time
  • I was able to drive again in the US – with more confidence this time around
  • I did not even have the urge to meet up with my karmic lesson while I was in the US, even if he was texting me


Well, those are the highlights.  There were days when the longing for my TF was very poignant, but I feel very balanced now. Lonely, but balanced. There was a span of time this  year where I was troubled, not knowing whether or not to resign from my work to go into mission full time, but that’s been tabled in the meantime.

I did order a reading from Judith Kusel which will come on 2/9/2018 (that’s 11:11) for you. So I’m kind of waiting for that and any answers she can give me.

Of course, there were challenges during the year as well, but I won’t recount them anymore. Suffice it to say that they have been surpassed.

As for what I feel for the year ahead? Well, my reader tells me that there are good things to come for me, on all fronts.  Even my cousin who is also a TF, she said that she vibes that my love life will gain some traction this year. Me? I just feel old and tired.

My grandmother is turning 90 next year, and I’m not even half her age. I can just imagine how tired she is. At least, she’s surrounded by a loving family and a doting husband (my grandfather). TF aside, that’s what has been occupying my thoughts during my sojourn in a foreign land. I was thinking that if my TF isn’t ready yet or if our paths won’t cross anymore in this lifetime, then my life right now is pretty much how it’s going to be for many years to come. Just me, embodying both the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine within me, in balance, asexual, and, well, solitary.  Just going through the days making sure that everything is working, meeting deadlines and bills, and trying to amuse myself in the meantime. (That’s been difficult to do. I think I’ve turned “serious”.)  Not fending off the Crone-mode, either. Just this morning one of my brother’s friends called me “tita” and I was too exhausted to object or even correct him.

I’m still game to move forward and see what life has to offer, but there’s a hair’s breadth’s nuance there. I want to see what life has to offer without me having to give out blood, sweat, and tears.  Kind of like a bonus, or a gift. Why? Just because.

So my wishlist to the Universe hasn’t really changed much.










I was going to write about how things are topsy turvy now when I saw a post by Illumined Souls (formerly Starsoul Tarot) that said that there was an influx of light now and we are being plagued by ascension symptoms, triggers and anything else; that where we are in the ascension process will dictate the timing of union with our TF.

I hope that certainly explains it.  What i’m going through right now feels like a final examination of sorts.  I’m almost having second thoughts about going to the US because all the uncertainty is so emotionally taxing. I’ve managed to get my PTSD about my “Series of Unfortunate Events” while I was there under control and this seems to be a time loop. Sort of going back in time (but in the future) to re-do some things over.

Well, for one thing, I don’t think this will be a sexual nirvana for me this time around.  I don’t even know who I’ll get to hang out with. Another thing is that the entire time with dad around is like me walking straight into an ambush that I already know about beforehand. And it’s making me antsy like nothing else.  That’s apart from not knowing if I will be allowed in the country in the first place. Or being stuck in an airport with no-smoking allowed.

I pulled some cards for myself and on the top row was Ten of Swords (Ruin), Nine of Swords (Cruelty) and Eight of Swords (Interference).  These are the things that I am being given the opportunity to transmute right now. There are good things in store for me if I do pass this test.

But am I ready? Emotionally, I feel very “at sea” about it all.  Initially, I did want to enjoy it but it seems as though everyone has plans except for me.  Which brings up my “being left behind” drama all over again and all those existentialist questions.   Is this what my life is going to be like? Trying to tag along with everybody because I don’t have my own group or my own plans? That’s getting kind of old. Even if I ultimately know why I’m here.

And all I really want to do is get Maximus’ braces and maybe have some fun on the side. I paid an awful lot for that ticket.

What’s stressing me out more is the message in Illumined Souls’ post — “Just go and live your life.”  What kind of life am I living out? I help folks on my mission but the rest of the people around me don’t know what I do and don’t even understand why I’m doing it. My family is part of the Ancestral Line challenge that I undertook in this incarnation (which I am almost always regretting). I mean, couldn’t I have picked something relatively easier? I should take notes for my next incarnation, but I think I’m done.

Nothing really matters, so I’ll just go with the flow. Or, if you want to make that a pun, “go with the flaw”.

That Secret Smile


I went through my day with a little spring in my step and my heart bursting with love.

The reading I put up last week said that connections with one’s TF would be restored and I was also hoping that it would be true for me.

This morning, I woke up feeling him.  We were sleeping together holding hands and it was like that night where we made love happened all over again in vivid HD. I could feel him cumming on top me and shuddering as he got his release. I could SENSE it. FEEL IT.

I was still wondering where that came from and then all of a sudden, I hear a tone coming from my phone. And it was just viber announcing that “M has just joined Viber! Say Hi and get a free sticker pack!”

And my breath caught.  We hadn’t had contact in so long. I already assumed he changed his number. The last messages I sent him through iMessage years ago remained unread.  And here was a new avenue for connection. “Connections Restored”, indeed.

So what did I do? I sent the lamest message ever. Hahaha. “Wow, you have Viber! Hi!” and it would have come from an unknown number because I was texting from my new one. Hahaha.

No reply.  Just delivered. But I did claim my free sticker pack. Hah!

I asked my pendulum if it was him on the other end and Spirit said YES. And that just got me ecstatic the entire day. I was just so happy that he was still alive somewhere in the planet. I was even tempted to ask him how the kids were, how his karmic was because it really didn’t matter to me. If he’s still not done with that karmic contract, then, he’s still not done. I would still love him and his showing up unbidden on the morning of Friday the 13th just reminded me of how in love I still am with the man. I could literally feel my heart expanding and shooting out love bombs! Pew! Pew! Pew!

So here I am, at the end of the day, still smiling like an idiot.  And no one knows why. (except you,  because you read this, haha)


In My Dreams


Can a dream totally drain one of energy?

Maybe it’s because I was rushing stuff for work and mission yesterday and, like Wonder Woman, got it all done by 3AM.  Still, I don’t know why after several months of feeling no connection with my twin whatsoever, I dreamt of him.

This was a long dream, not his usual cameo appearance in my dreams where, upon waking, I was confused if I really dreamt about him or my imagination just conjured up dreaming of him.

The first part of my dream was that M was meeting with my dad.  He was thin, his body frame years after our last meeting which I had seen in pictures of him.  I was close by but I didn’t get near them.  It’s like I was just watching while they were negotiating something.  He was wearing white. That much, I remember.

I know they spoke of meeting up again at another venue, and that’s where the second part of my dream kicked in.  He left and I wasn’t able to talk to him.

Venue for Part 2 of my dream was at a theatre.  It didn’t seem like a movie theatre, but like a play was being staged there.  I was still there with my family and then he came up, holding a toddler with this girl, presumably his wife, in tow.

I was closer to my dad this time, still, just watching and observing them.  It was as if it were a movie premier and everyone was still chatting and getting comfortable in their seats while the lights were still on.

At first, I thought that the woman he was with was his karmic.  In fact, when I was looking at her, her face morphed from the karmic to that of another woman. My dream was so vivid, it was like viewing it in HD. The girl was wearing a black lace sleeveless dress and she was practically clinging to him while he was holding their child.

As  M and my dad said their goodbyes, they headed towards their seats, M holding his toddler, and girl in tow.  We were already positioned in our seats which was mid-theatre. My eyes followed them to where they were sitting.  It was at the back of the theatre and in my dream, I was wondering why I had forgotten that he would most probably sit there. He had told me that already before in real life.  He said that because he was tall and didn’t want to block the view of the other movie-goers, he would usually sit in the back.

So there I was watching M and his new family getting settled in their seats.  We didn’t speak to each other directly in my dream.  And when I woke up, of course, the first thing I thought was why he appeared in my dreams with a lengthy appearance at that.  Then it hit me, that this could possibly be some remote viewing and that was his situation in 3D already. I have no idea what’s going on with him.

And what if it were true?  That after years of contending with the karmic and waiting for him to show up at my doorstep, he gets into a relationship with some other woman and lives out my dream of him with her instead?

I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel as though the earth would swallow me whole.  I went about my day, busy as usual, even though what the dream meant was nagging at the back of my mind. I asked my Higher Self and Spiritual Team what message did they mean to give me with that dream, but I didn’t get any answers.

When I got home though, I was exhausted.  I couldn’t even do mission-related stuff because I was just wiped out.

Okay, that’s it.  I think I need to rest now.


Birthday Blahs


First time ever that I’ve felt this way about my birthday.  I just feel so … old.  I don’t have any plans.  Since my dog-nanny is away on vacation and I’m not sure if he’s going to return, I’m not sure if I’ll have the strength to even just attend to them if I do decide to go out.  No one’s making plans with me and I’m not making plans either.

Birthdays used to be a big thing for me. I have thrown many memorable parties during my birthday. And here I am, not really certain if there’s something worth celebrating.

I just realized — well, not “just” because I’ve known this for a while, but I’ve lead a rather lonely and sad life.  For the past decade, my main love and “companion” has been my dog, Maximus, and even he is getting old.  I was having such a tough time trying to manage the cleaning, the feeding, errands, doing mission work without any help this morning that I brought all three of them to the groomers.  Groomers called to tell me that the two little ones were done, but that they were having difficulty with Maximus because he was nipping aggressively.  I gave them a piece of my mind — so, did they just groom nice dogs? He’s old and cranky and defensive because both his knees have been blown out. What I didn’t tell them though was that I was so so so so tired, and I lacked time to do the million other things on my to do list that I didn’t think I had the strength to bathe and groom him.

They ended up grooming him. But as I went to pick up the other two that had been finished — I live close by — and I saw Maximus in that muzzle, I nearly cried right then and there.  And I said to myself that even if I’m so tired, I’m going to do it next time.  We don’t have much time left with each other.  I’ m getting old.  He’s getting old.  And I know that he’s going to leave me someday. And when I was combing him at home and putting that home-made concoction of flea powder, I saw liver spots on his skin.  And I just started bawling my eyes out.

The entire time my twin hasn’t been around, Maximus kept me company, through all kinds of shit I’ve had to go through. And I know, know, know deep in my soul that he loves me with all his heart.  And I don’t know if my twin is ready for anything yet; he might take another decade or what and he’s old. He and my dog are about the same age in human years and with him in absencia and my darling Mooxie aging, that just triggered me to do major purging about abandonment.

I understand.  If my twin still can’t make an appearance or doesn’t even want to because he’s “built a life” with his family, I think I’m okay with that now.  I’m just asking God to please send me a companion to go through life with, to experience the now, in the physical, with. I’m always alone, mostly by choice, but it’s getting lonely. (Disclaimer — although I am up to my ears in busy now so hanging out for the sake of hanging out would also be out of the question.  I think I’ve met my quota twice over in “hanging out” during college.

I also want to get back in shape.  All this stillness to hear Spirit has gotten me back to the chunky side and hardly anything fits anymore.  My face filled out and I’ve been off keto for quite a while now.

This is so strange. I want to be still and active at the same time; alone and in the company of others at the same time. I want to be ALL of it.