Monthly Archives: December 2015

New Year’s Eve Dream

Standard

I was able to “extricate” myself out of Media Noche by telling my mom that I wasn’t going down because of the dogs and that I was giving Carlo a chance to celebrate with them.

I suppose I felt that a great burden had been lifted from me after that because I felt very tired even though I had gotten enough sleep the night before, and I took a nap.

Then I dreamt.

I was in my grandparent’s old house in Congressional Village where I remember many good times and spending most of my childhood in since both my parents were often at work.

There was a party and I had brought T, my reader, along to take care of my CB, my dog.

We were swimming in the clear blue waters of the pool and I brought CB with me.  Out of the blue, I saw this red car filled with people come out of nowhere, threatening to crash land into the pool.  I went under the spot where it was about to hit and crash and used the buoyancy of the water in order to “soften” the blow.

The car didn’t crash.  Instead, it landed on my shoulders in the water.  There were people inside the car trying to get out and the other people in the party were trying to get them out. Debris was all over the pool and the water turned murky and muddy because of the dirt that came in with the car.

I was frantic, looking all around for CB who was in the pool with me in the beginning, wanting to know she was okay.  I called out for her but she didn’t come.  Some other people were helping me out but they had summoned all sorts of animals but not CB.

I went out of the pool to look for her and eventually found her hiding somewhere.  I looked for T to tell her to bathe her while I took a bath myself.  T, by the way, was dressed in a purple gown, wrong for the occasion, but she probably thought she had to dress up to be in the party.

I was looking for a free bathroom upstairs.  The kids’ bathroom was occupied, so I went to the bathroom of my grandparents.  I don’t know why I dreamt up this particular detail, but my grandmother had a carousel of open conditioner sachets.

That’s it.

My interpretation:  Basically, it just says that before, I had good feelings about my family and everything, but even though I had been the one who had prevented them from crash landing,  spiritually and karmically speaking, that is, they already muddied the waters of my emotions and experience with their reckless behavior.

My reader being overdressed just reflects the way I am incredulous about their (her including my other reader) prophecies, that I feel they are telling me something better than what will really happen.

CB being there is just plain straightforward.  My dogs bring me comfort in this world of ungrateful, advantage-taking humans.

Happy New Year!  Just six more hours to next year.  My celebration is going to be a quiet and solitary one with my dogs.  I’m keeping expectations low this year.  I just want to thrive, get through this and go on with my “tour of duty”.  Fun and happiness are luxuries for me.  It’s the vexations that I want to throw out the window for good, thankless people included.

 

 

Advertisements

Escape

Standard

I had the strangest dream last night.  I actually don’t remember much details of it, but I knew that I was in a house wherein my ex-best friend (guy) was trying to kill me.  Well, not only me, but also some other members of the group that was with me.

After several suspenseful action-packed sequences, I was able to escape.  I can’t even remember if he died or I just escaped from him, all I can recall is that we were in this house, hiding from him, and then we were in the house next door, but he found us, and, well… you get the picture.

As I mentioned before, the “killer” in my dream was my former BFF.  Haven’t thought about him in a while since we parted ways so I don’t know if this is his way to send me a message that he’s fuming mad at me or what.  I don’t get it though.  All the dude needs to do is just apologize for his abominable behavior towards me.

Anyway, I need to get back to writing my article.  Just wanted to take note of this.  Latersssss.

The Magician’s Secret

Standard

This is going to be short.  Another tip on manifestation.

I had been looking for a soft toilet seat cover which is not so common in my country.  I’d been looking at all the usual stores and the ones I found were either overpriced imports from the US or stores that didn’t have it in stock at all.

I gave it a rest and just stopped looking for it.  Told myself that my old seat, although tattered, would have to do.  Today, while I was looking for something else entirely, I see it right in front of me.  The exact same seat I was looking to replace, at the right price range.  So I didn’t bother thinking about it and just swooped it up to purchase then and there.

A couple of days ago, I had just watched “Now You See Me” again which was a movie about four illusionists and their magic.  Throughout the movie, they were giving tips on how to  do magic — misdirection is the key.  The more you look, the less you see.  And because you’re looking elsewhere and not expecting it to be anywhere else other than where you think it’s going to be, that’s when the trick comes to fruition. Voila!

That’s exactly what happened when I wanted to manifest my toilet seat cover.

And that’s what I’m going to do for the next couple of months or so to manifest my desired reality — misdirection.  I’m going to let the Universe take care of it while I pursue my own interests and attempt to amuse myself.

In other matters, I’m so ready to give this “bulking” a rest. From a size 4, I’m pushing onto a size 8 and it feels like crap.  I keep telling myself that it’s in preparation for a “cut”, but that’s just bullshit bodybuilding justification especially since, technically, the only weight I lift is my body weight.  All the skinny clothes I’ve bought are starting to feel snug but I refuse to buy bigger sizes for fear of being complacent.  

No, this is one other thing I’ll have to work for.  I won’t be buying any new clothes in the meantime because I don’t find joy in it any more.

Anyway, that’s my manifestation tip for the day.  Take your eyes off of it and then, you will see.  Counterintuitive, I know, but it’s the dichotomy of the Universe.

 

Ten

Standard

Ten days before Christmas.

I didn’t realize that it was so close to Christmas that I’d be leaving for Japan. I’m glad I am though. I sort of asked the Universe months ago to be away for the holidays, but I was thinking Xmas eve or Xmas day so I could avoid the whole stuck with the family shebang.

This looks better though. International flight, all expenses paid, food, board and lodging provided, beautiful city, serene, with outlet shopping. Better than anything I could have come up with for myself anyway.

  
I’ve got my Temiyage prepared, got my Japanese wifi with me, and my Judiciary jacket in the hopes if avoiding being profiled at the airport.

I haven’t heard back from M, but all my readings tell me that things will be good.  I honestly don’t know why the cards are like that when they’re supposed to be guided. Maybe all of those are happening to me in a parallel universe and just not the one I’m consciously in?

I seriously need to plan for next year. My partner-less plan in life. I’ll still have an occasional reading, but, at this point, they remain to be pleasant fictions and not prophecies.

For now, the bare bones of my plan are:

  1. Lose 10 lbs. Get back into ketosis and 120lbs.;
  2. Pay Tito Chito & Anne;
  3. Accumulate 120k for dp on a decent car;
  4. Accumulate 3 months worth of rent (just in case the Thernadier couple are at their evil ways again).

Got to get those things done before my birthday.

And, on a final note, regardless of one’s spiritual evolution, all one really needs to know in order to get through life is how to make lemonade out of lemons.

That’s oddly anti-climactic. But it’s also true. 

Forth Eorlingas!

Standard

I expected the Fall Out from yesterday’s almost impulsive decision to send M a message to be dark, dismal, and heavy.  Surprisingly, I feel quite the opposite.  Unburdened is more like it.  In fact, I’m almost giddy with this influx of light and I feel as though I’m radiating God-sent light from the inside once again.

It’s strange and almost counter-intuitive, but I feel like I’m in love.

I’m hoping that this is more than just a momentary high.  It’s like I’ve taken a blindfold off and everyone just seems to be more attractive than I’ve cared to notice.

I haven’t felt this happy in a while.  I’m even smiling on my own now, surrounded by the usual suspects at the cafe I hang out in. In a way, I feel reborn, and I don’t want to look back. Whenever I start to feel anxious about the future, I remind myself that I have subscribed to the Doctrine of Chill.

Perhaps my destiny in this lifetime is to be like the Bald Man, travelling the world by himself, influencing humanity at a level humanity will fail to understand just by being present at certain situations, always alone, and yet, always in the company of the bright well-lit souls of the galaxy.

If so, then who cares?  Not I, says this intergalactic ambassadress.  The way I’m feeling right now, if any of these third dimensional beings connive to bring stress and negativity my way, I’d just blast them with the silver platinum ray.

Resistance is futile.  I should have heeded Douglas Adams’ words a while back. Now, I feel the energy flowing through me.  No blockages, no humps, no dead-ends.  And, again, I’m amazed at how the Universe pointed me to this point with seemingly random occurrences – watching Avatar, The Last Airbender, that Reddit thread on Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the Devil and the Eight of Swords, and other trivial things that one wouldn’t ordinarily notice that a common thread ran through them.

And this is the way I want to feel by default in the days to come – like a sexy diva that wants to be fucked by attractive testosterone-driven males in a New York minute. It’s the life force going through me, I suppose.  Powered by the Source. Booyah!

So chill, girl.  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

If M wants to be an idiot, just like the rest of my dysfunctional family, in spite of my efforts to guide him towards the light, then I can’t do anything about that any more.

I’m sort of glad that the message I sent him had a positive ring to it.  Prior to that, all the messages I had concocted up in my head, the so-called drafts, were guilt-ridden and manipulative.  At least, this last one that I sent, had integrity and truth, and made me faithful to my core.  I’m glad that I said I loved him.  I’m glad that I greeted him Merry Christmas and meant it.

I still love him.  I still wish we could be together in this lifetime as husband and wife. But loving me back is a decision he has to make for himself, and if he’s taking as long as Pluto to finish its day to make up his mind, then I shall be off chilling. Ball is in his court now, if he even realizes that.

There are interesting people to meet and places to explore and discover.  If I should meet a man that resonates and vibrates with the same frequency as me, that exceeds any expectations that I had of a life with M, and is willing to go the distance with me,  then that’s his lookout and potential loss.  We could have held the Universe in our hearts together, if he was in the least bit ready for me. For now, I have to hold it in my heart by myself.

 

 

 

Universal Law of Detachment

Standard

Call me silly, but I’m wearing the wedding dress I picked out for my civil wedding today.  I figured, if M doesn’t come at all or make contact with me, I may not get to wear it and the white will just yellow out from lack of use.  That would be such a shame since it’s such a pretty dress.

So I wore it anyway.  According to the cards, both mine and my reader’s, M was supposed to fix things with me last October, November, and even this month, December.  So, I waited, and still, nothing.  Even when I considered the possibility of another person coming into my life, the answer was still the same.  Wait for him.  He’s got things planned.  Everything will come as a surprise.

But still, nothing.

I’ve asked my Higher Self, my Spiritual Team, my angels, the Archangels, the Ascended Masters, and the members of the Karmic Board.

Our soul contracts have both been amended.  His soul fragments have been retrieved (by me — and yes, that was a tough one).  The earth-bound persons and spirits interfering with both our free will have been exorcised and banished (with no less than the silver platinum ray). And whenever I ask the spiritual authorities for confirmation of all these things, the answer is positive.  So, in that realm, everything seems to be in order for our union here in the Third Dimension.

As above, so below.

So where’s the block?

My reader now is on the verge of giving up on M because despite being accurate in most, if not all, readings that he gives me, all his predictions about M don’t manifest.  And, yes, he is starting to sound like a fool, and I, the bigger one, for believing in him.

In his readings and mine, everything seems to be ready.  It’s as if the “execute” button is just waiting to be pressed, and everything will start to unfold with surprising alacrity.

In my readings though — which I do trust since they jive with my reader’s cards even though I have no idea which cards to pick at the time — there are two “off ” cards which I do not wholly understand which repeatedly appear — the Devil and the Eight of Swords.  I couldn’t tell if they pertained to him or me.

And today, while I was searching for answers, I chanced upon an article that mentioned the Law of Universal Detachment.  I don’t think it’s just a random thing since from experience, I generally get the answers I seek.  I’m a firm believer in “Ask and you shall be given.”

I think that those two cards pertain to me.  That, as long as I am attached to the outcome, it won’t manifest.

The good news is I’m well on my way to getting detached.  This dress, for example.  I figured that if he does come and I do have to wear something for the wedding, then I’ll just have it cleaned.  Wearing it doesn’t mean that I won’t ever have the chance to wear it again.  Besides, as I do believe in “Prepared Redundancy”, I have a wedding dress back-up. So I don’t know if it really counts.

Another issue I have in letting go is the fear of getting someone else that is subpar from what I wished to create.  Say you asked for a red BMW.  Allowing the Universe to deliver, might mean ANY red car.  I suppose that’s okay if you asked for a car, any car, just as long as it’s red.  And I sort of feel that accepting whatever manifests is a subversion of my free will.

So, in the scenario that I’m creating with M, along with its associated perks, he would be the base ingredient.  The rest is preferable, but negotiable.

If I turn over the reigns to the Universe, and I have an order which is much more complicated than just your “usual burger and fries”, will It just give me any guy? A replica?  Premium quality? Is It expecting me to say, “Thank you.  This will do,” instead of “Excellent job! You got it right!”

I suppose the Universe doesn’t care as long as It delivers. Order a plate of scrambled eggs and even if you get them fried, it doesn’t matter because they’re still eggs. But you didn’t want fried eggs; you wanted them scrambled.

Does that make me a tough customer?  I suppose so.  I’ve always been that way.

So if the Universe is going to give me some version of M anyway, what’s with all the guidance with the cards?

At this point, does it even matter? (Yes, it does.) Well, I’m all out of options anyway as regards him.  The Universe has me beaten to a pulp, and I can’t really say that the journey was “enjoyable” to get to this point.  No.  Definitely not.  It was arduous, miserable, painstaking, and filled with loneliness and suffering.  And that’s still without the treacherous backstabbing of my family.

What’s more, giving up at this point feels like I’m giving up on the Universe’s awesome power to deliver. It’s like telling an actor, “Give me your best,” and when they deliver, you get to say, “Is that it? Oh, well, I guess that’s it.”

And I’m just hoping it will be the same as when I pronounced Maximus an utterly dumb dog when he turned out to be smarter than most.  (Seriously, he can pick out “platypus” from a range of toys laid out for him to pick from).

I suppose I want to be surprised, and awed, and amazed at how the Universe, with Its infinite power, can deliver something greater than I expected regardless of the fact that my standards were high in the first place.

I want to see how It works things out while respecting my free will, my preference in this lifetime, to be with him.

Anyway, I’ve taken my first step towards detachment.  Just a couple of minutes ago, I sent him a message wishing him well.  It doesn’t even say “delivered” like it used to before, so maybe he’s blocked me or, at the very least, giving the benefit of the doubt, it’s on “airplane mode”. Still, I shouldn’t care right?  The only thing I should care about is that I sent the message.  If we are indeed star-crossed lovers, then at some point in time, he’ll get to read it.  Whether it will be too late for the both of us then, what else can we do about it?

If he does get the message and chooses to ignore it because he’s got his own thing going for him, then, that’s it, I suppose.  Again, what else can be done?

If he chooses to respond and it’s good news for me, then well and good.

If he chooses to respond and the outcome is negative for me, then, I have no choice but to roll with the punches.

In any case, today was a good day to do this.  In my wedding dress; for a wedding that didn’t happen.