Monthly Archives: July 2016

He Speaketh


In my dreams, that is. In 3D, he is still silent as ever.

I took a nap this afternoon and I dreamt of him.  I was with several other girls and we were being ushered into a car.  The mood was like it was a press junket and I didn’t know the other girls.  We weren’t friendly to each other either.  He was supposed to be driving, but he moved to the last row of seats in the back of the van and the girl who was supposed to sit there was displaced.  He said that she could sit in front but that he would put the vehicle on autopilot.

He asked me to sit in the back with him.  He was relaxed, reclined, and I sat facing him. He was very talkative.  And he was smoking. In fact, even if I’m a smoker myself, I got surprised because he was smoking them very quick, and once the burn reached the butt, he would take the whole thing in his mouth to extinguish it.

I remember snippets of our conversation.  Me: You’re smoking?  Him: Yes (and a whole lot more I can’t remember. He was talkative.) I remember he was sort of justifying it with the fact that I did too and it was hard to quit.  And I remember saying, “But you didn’t have to quit to begin with because you didn’t smoke.” But it was all done lightheartedly and we were smiling and giggling, and his head was on my lap.  And at one point, I laid my head across his chest and I was just smiling and happy that he was talking to me.

Then he told me (and he was in a happy mood) that all his recorded sessions (presumably with a psych) about his depression were stolen from his doctor’s office. He had concerns that it would affect his career if it would get out in the open, but what could he do? He just shrugged it off.  I told him that he was a creative and he had license to be “tempestuous”or have volatile moods and that it was totally unrelated to his work output, and he seemed happy with me being supportive.

That’s it.  I wish the dream would have continued, but I asked the “butler” to give me a wake up call because I had prepping to do for a major event for my dog group tomorrow.  Right now, all I want is to be quiet and meditate, but things are happening around me at an unbelievable fast pace, and I just have to keep my head above water in order for me not to drown.

It’s midnight and I have a ton of things to do still. I feel that my life will be turned upside down soon again, and frankly, I have no idea how I’ll get through this upheaval again.  If a physical reunion with my twin is out of the question — especially since Agatha Pachel (PsychicConsultants on YouTube) keeps on saying, that “it doesn’t matter whom you love; just that you do”, then I’d rather be in 5D than this sucky 3D world.



Tarzan & Mang Tomas


Well, what do you know?  After days of trying, I finally remember my dream vividly. Still don’t know what it means, but it was a lighthearted and happy dream in two interconnected parts. And there was a hint of romance involved! 😉

In my dream, I met up with Tarzan — the Alex Skarsgard version — except that he wasn’t Tarzan but he was in a business suit and we were going to have a business meeting in a hotel.  I met him in a hotel lobby which seemed like it was an interview, and he exuded power and all that, in a Christian Grey/Christian Bale-as-Bruce Wayne kind of way.

Midway through the interview, he gets up and tells me that he wants me to get a taste of this special lechon sauce, which was the product of the company he represented.  Lechon, for those who are unaware of it, is a delicacy of my country consisting of roast pig and the unrivalled bottled sauce that it is best eaten with is Mang Tomas Sarsa.

So I follow him to the restaurant of the hotel and I find that all of my family is seated at a round table partaking of a feast.  They see us, and I try to greet and all that while following Tarzan make his way to our table.  They’re trying to wink at me, some teasing me that he might be “the one”, but I shrug them off telling them that this is business.

The strange thing was that on his way to our table, Tarzan sort of changed into more casual clothing and donned the personality of Bill Pullman in his younger years, when he was the leading man of many romcoms.

We sat down in our table and then we were served mini platters of diced lechon with the new sauce.  He was telling me that this was the new version of Mang Tomas that they were marketing and introducing into the market.  I tasted it, and it was good!

Anyway, since my family was around, I told him I’d introduce him to them and he was happy to oblige.  I saw my dad lying down on my mom’s lap, kind of sated after the meal, and some other relatives I didn’t know but had name tags.  I think it was a reunion of sorts that was happening there.  Many knowing winks and glances all around but I sort of shake my head congenially saying “it’s not what you think”.  But Tarzan is being sociable to my family and all that.

In between that lechon tasting session though, a parallel dream was happening. (Don’t ask me how that happened but, it played out that way in my dream).  My best friend who lives in the states was giving out Christmas gifts early and one of her gifts was a trip for all of us friends.  We were excited and trying to fix our schedules, and she said that it was still for December and that she would come along and the trip/paid for vacation would last several days.

Then, I woke up and was happy to remember my dream. 🙂

So, what does this mean? Did I even dream about my twin or what? Was Spirit trying to tell me to go out there and date other folks? But it wasn’t a date, it was business! The only connection I could find with Skarsgard-Pullman and my twin is that they share the same Nordic heritage. I found out that Tarzan’s father is Stellan Skarsgard who played Bill Anderson in Mamma Mia and, Anderson is the last name of my twin. Well, that’s it and it seems like a stretch, but there you have it.  Either his son is really my twin or I’m going to meet a younger version of him or someone very very similar to him but with a hot smoking body haha, and still very personable.

Roast pig in a dream means:

To dream of a pig roast represents a positive ending to a very selfish or arrogant situation. Noticing yourself or others letting other people enjoy themselves after a long period of not doing so. A celebratory moment of sharing or giving back to others.

Positively, a pig roast may reflect enjoying time with family or feeling good not having to notice anything arrogant with people you care about.

Gravy, on the other hand, means pleasant feelings with something that is very easy. An area of your life that fulfills your needs perfectly or lets you enjoy having your way. Gravy may also reflect total confidence in enjoying yourself or indulging yourself.

1. Money to come. 2. Something to make life more palatable, tastier.

Anyway, I won’t analyze much because it’s pretty straightforward.  Good looking personable guy whom my family likes is offering me delicacies covered in gravy – actually an upgraded and new version of gravy on an old dish.  Like an old template, redefined.

Okay, my thoughts are all over the place so I’m going to sign off here. Namaste.

Mastering the Multiverse for Union


Today, I came across this Pleiadian Channeled Message to Twin Flames 07 11 16 “Ascension Definition” as channelled by Naglaa Elshamy.  I suggest you watch it first, before delving into my comments:

So far, this is what I got from it:

  • we must learn the concept of “wisdom and energy” and what it means to put energy into action
  • when the Twin Flame Collective puts its mind towards a certain destination, we will be able to manifest our heart’s desires
  • connection with higher light beings (divine beings) goes both ways. We become both human and spiritual beings living in parallel realities – 3D and 5D.
  • Those two realities are separate and connected.  For people who have reached that certain mastery in their ascension, they can fully make the connection between the two realities — physical and spiritual.
  • So when you connect with someone in 3D, you must also connect with them in 5D – it’s like doing two things at the same time.
  • When you are in ascension, that gap between the two realities come really close to each other until they are fully merged. When that happens, you become a master of living in both realities. (some deep Matrix stuff here!)
  • Ascenscion therefore means that you are an individual that is capable of living a full physical life & a full spiritual life at the same time.
  • To reach this Mastery Skill Level, one will have gone through different cycles of healing, different cycles of stripping of the ego, different cycles of reaching one’s own balance of intuition.  Once you listen to your intuition, you will be able to fully connect with the dimension of your spiritual being (a.k.a. The Higher Self)
  • More importantly, one must go through multiple series of upgrades of your being — downloads, upgrades — to our bodies.

So the video ends with a bit of homework:  Where are you on your ascension journey? How are you connecting with your intuition? Can you tell whether the messages you’re getting are from intuition or from ego?

Let me try answering my “homework” 🙂

Assuming that the goal is Mastery Skill Level, four elements have been identified, i.e. different cycles of: a) stripping of the ego, b)healing, c) balance of intuition, and d) downloads and upgrades to your body.

Different Cycles of Stripping of the Ego & Healing

I shall be discussing both of these at the same time because they go hand in hand.  One cannot be truly healed on a fundamental level (a.k.a. soul level), if the ego is still in the way.  And, of course, before one would even need healing, there has to be some wound, some injury, some incident, circumstance or situation that causes pain.

On that score alone, I think the Universe has given me numerous opportunities to heal.  Almost 33 years now, beginning from when I was around 8.  (And I just realized at this moment that each chapter of my life before it shifted in a different direction amounts exactly to 11 years. And that kind of creeps me out, but let me get on with my homework!)

8-19 years: 

  • highly intuitive, got interested in the paranormal and mystical after surviving an illness that doctor’s could not identify and only a local shaman was able to heal me by — get this — extracting 3 cockroaches from my abdomen
  • able to hear voices talking to me, see paranormal stuff (yes, even ghosts), vivid and recurring dreams, and I remember that I was very afraid of seeing Jesus and/or Mother Mary appear in front of me, especially at the foot of my bed.  Jesus once appeared in the sky when I was in the car on the way to Baguio and was peering out the window, but I couldn’t tell anyone because it was too strange though I never forgot the incident.
  • I remember trying to teach my parents how to be parents, how to love, and what it means to be family.  I don’t know how I got the information but I continually wrote them long letters about it, until, at about the age of 14, I stopped altogether, disheartened that they weren’t listening to what I was saying.  It’s only now that I’m more spiritually evolved that I realized what that was all about —  Lyran, soul contract that I would lead them in evolving spiritually, etc. 
  • I’ve been told that most of the things that I predicted then or just said came true.  Some of them I found out just recently when those I’ve given the message to told me about it.  I often forget what I’ve said.
  • Major hurts and lessons at this time centered around family and betrayal in friendships.

19-30 years:

  • the most worldly and “cushy” part of my existence, thus far. Started law school which led me on another path.
  • continued my otherworldly pursuits through readers, wicca, astrology, feng shui, and high magick, found out that Mother Mary was my Sponsoring Deity (which I now know that what that reader saw was an aspect of my Divine Feminine)
  • still being plagued by elementals, incubi, and misguided humans (a.k.a. criminals) — yes, I’ve been carnapped, mugged at icepick point, etc. and I’ve even had my energy attempted to be stolen by “gifted” people.  My theory on this is that they get attracted to the light — my inner light/energy — and it’s like the Ring of Power for them and they go batshit Gollum “My Preciousessss!!” on me.
  • My introduction to love was a very lighthearted Pan-like, mischievous toned one.  Actually broke more than a fair share of hearts during this time.  But, in turn, my heart got majorly broken by my first boyfriend who taught me a whole lot of stuff, in love and in life.  He’s dead now, but I do believe he was a soulmate.
  • Got my first lesson in unconditional love given to me by my first love, my lhasa apso, MuMu, the circumstances of which I came upon him were purely coincidental. I recognize now that the was the companion sent to me by the Universe, and the lessons he taught me became the standard by which I could tell — although most oftentimes I ignored the signs — the red flags which foretold ego-based love.
  • Heartbreak was the major lesson here.  A shift in friends and focus too.  Family wasn’t bugging me too much during this period.

31-41 years:

  • The year I met my Twin Flame — that’s what marks this chapter. And I met him through serendipity also because my karmic was, ironically, the one who chose him.
  • Major events.  So major that, I have often referred to the time my lessons all came raining down on me as “that Series of Unfortunate Events” — grief, heartbreak, betrayal, treachery, poverty, statelessness, being the victim of a crime.  And all these lessons kicked in the moment I chose to run away from my twin. It was so bad that I’ve wanted to kill myself at least twice, only to be saved by an 11th hour angel in the form of a friend.
  • Major ego stripping and healing which took some time and some healing is still going on.
  • It was only three years ago that I was awakened to my true origins as a starseed and lightworker. Only a few months ago did I re-discover that I am on a Twin Flame Journey.

Different Cycles of Downloads and Upgrades

I also learned that one of my major missions in this lifetime had to do with my family.  It was after I was permitted to cut karmic ties with them that my etheric grid was upgraded to a crystalline matrix.  I have been anchoring high frequency rays consciously for a while now and I can usually tell which one I’m anchoring.  I work with Angels, Archangels, Ascended Masters, my Higher Self, and my spiritual team. I’ve finally learned to exorcise — and successfully done so — elementals and incubi who want to latch on to me.

I’ve learned how to read tarot cards better now.  It’s as if the cards speak to me.  And I’ve practiced healing on others successfully.

Although not fully conscious of energy downloads, I can feel its effect on my physical body.  Most often, I am tired and drained.

I’ve merged with my Twin in 5D despite our 3D dynamics (or lack thereof), but which is also the reason why I’m not bawling my eyes out in heartbreak or desperation. We communicate telepathically for now.

I’m not that afraid anymore of Jesus and Mother Mary and they’ve shown up in meditation without me running away in fear.

Different Cycles of Balance of Intuition

(my sleep meds are kicking in so forgive me if my thoughts aren’t that lucid)

On the subject of intuition, what I can say is that I have an ongoing conversation with my Higher Self now.  I can very easily spot what’s coming from ego and can point it out as well.  I think that all the “experience” I’ve had the past three decades are finally settling down onto a plate of wisdom.

What Naglaa said about living in two parallel and distinct realities seems true for me, although since the discovery is quite recent, I’ve been more focused on my spiritual evolution now.  And I am learning to balance the two worlds.  Despite what’s been going on in 3D, the undercurrent is one of happiness and unconditional love, bliss, even.

I don’t know if my twin will come around.  If this is the measure of ascension — Heaven on Earth – then I seem to be well on my way in this journey. In fact, I think it’s one of the reasons I’m exhausted.  It’s like going to night school.  There’s real life work to do, passions to follow, and yet, when I am called to learn some more, do the ascension work, the healing work, I still carry on, usually until the meds kick in and I have to sleep to get up for work the next day.  It’s tiring switching from this to that.

But what of my twin?  He seems to be lagging far, far behind.  How are we going to meet at the “appointed place and time” for union if his ego keeps getting in the way?

I don’t know.  And not knowing, is part and parcel of this journey.




I have been really really tired the past couple of days despite the fact that I haven’t been doing anything strenuous.  All I want to do is sleep.  And I think it has to do with the fact that the Divine Masculine is coming into his own power this week.

I will try to explain my theory.  Being twins that support each other, during the time that the Masculine was going through the dark night of his soul, the Divine Feminine was in the role of supporting, sending unconditional love, understanding. In other words, what he could not carry during this time, we did.  And now that he’s well enough to get out of bed and stop moping, he can sort of carry his own weight.  And that’s well and good, and the Feminine who has been holding up the firmament all this time, she’s saying, “wow, really?  You’re good now?  Can I take a break now?” And she can breathe a little freely, put down her arms that are now weary from carrying the load, and that’s when the tiredness seeps in.

And it’s a different kind of tired from the one that stems from frustration becomes this comes from a place of unconditional love — you were happy to do it.  Because — LOVE.

Is He Really My Twin?


That’s the question I’ve been asking my Higher Self and Spiritual Team for the past, maybe 48 hours.

It became more pressing to find the answers out when Allison Lessard mentioned in one of her latest videos that there have been clients who have been asking the same question, and she had to tell them, no, he’s not your twin but your karmic soulmate. And she went on to say that they spent 10, 20 years or so waiting and hoping for their twin, but in reality, all they were doing was being stuck in the same place, ditching their date with destiny and progress.

Was I one of those folks?  Out of the myriad of psychics who gave a thumbs up on my relationship with him, only three were skeptical and said no, we wouldn’t end up together.  One of those, in fact, was the one who had enlightened me on my Starseed origins and led me onto this spiritual path that I’m on now.  Ever since she told me that, however, I never went back to her.

However, since then, I have petitioned the Karmic Board to amend our soul contracts so that we would be together in this lifetime.  I’ve done this with the permission of his Higher Self who joined me in petitioning, and we’ve been granted dispensation.  Of course, this only happened after accomplishing what seemed like the Labours of Hercules, including retrieving the etheric counterparts of his soul fragments across time and space.

I’ve come to a point where I don’t seek out psychics anymore to answer that question, but I trust in the answers that my Higher Self gives me.  If someone else told me again that I was on a fool’s errand, I think I would fall apart.  I would be gambling my fragility and the delicate strands that hold me together on the opinion of someone whom I wasn’t sure if they were misguided or not.  In the end, I’ve chosen to take a gamble on my Higher Self and the messages they send me, when they choose to send me such.  After all, if at the end of my earthly life, during the time of reckoning, I find out that I was wrong on all counts and I ended up having lived a life not lived (yes, that sounds confusing, but you know what I mean), then I will either be sent back to start over and, at the very least, I’ll be remembering nothing until I am awakened once again. Even though the prospect of going through birthing pains prior to being enlightened isn’t all that enticing, what can I do?

twin flames 76

Anyway, this morning, before leaving the house for work, I asked again for an answer to my question.  As soon as I got into my car, his “love song” for me came on the radio — “Where My Love Goes”.  That made me happy, but, of course, I still had to ask.  It wasn’t a responsive answer, never mind that I liked it anyway.  Then, the numbers started appearing.  33, 55, 11, with the 33s repeatedly appearing, always in pairs.  They were in car plates, signages, billboards — double numbers until I got to the office.

During the drive home, after waiting out the downpour in a cafe, I felt the need for confirmation.  I asked again for a sign, a message, to tell me that I was on the right path.  As soon as I turned on the radio, upon leaving the parking area, guess what song was playing again?  Of course, since it was climbing up the charts, that made me skeptical.  Maybe I just had an awesome sense of timing, but with that song, I “heard” him telling me to be careful on the drive home because the roads were wet and slippery.

The paired numbers kept coming up again.  88, 77, 66, 55, 44, 33, 22, 11 – mostly in plates, in cab numbers.  They were there almost everywhere I looked.  Was this just coincidence?  Or were they telling me that we were actually a pair? That was my question just as I braked for the stoplight in a major intersection.  And just right then, a motorcycle eased in front of me with the plates — ND 282282. ND for “And” — then the number 2 for pair, 8 would be the symbol for twin flames upright, and the number 22 –

“Angel Number 22 encourages you to find this sense of balance and inner harmony in order to achieve a higher level of existence. By focusing on your personal needs, you can also get a greater understanding of your purpose. Guardian angels use these messages to provide us with the ability to find fulfillment through the actualization of our dreams.

If you are able to identify your journey, then you should also trust your instincts in pursuing your destiny. Angel Number 22 urges you to use your own judgment in order to reach these goals. Through proper personal harmony, you are more apt to be successful in your life.

Number 22 in numerology suggests that you stand strong in your personal beliefs and faith. If you put out positive and confident energy, you will be more open to the opportunities that will be presented to you.”

Then it ends with number 2 again, then 8, the symbol for twin flames.  The plate was actually a palindrome – 282 282 282 282 282 282 , ad infinitum, just like the eternal bond of twin flames.  I was being nudged with the answers again — a pair, twins, twin flames.

But because I’m always second guessing, I asked for confirmation, if what I had decoded in the blink of an eye — remember I was driving — was correct.  And they, too, had a quick answer — in my peripheral vision, a cab caught my eye because it swerved to merge lanes.  Its plate number — 118.  11 — the number of twins, again, the 8, its symbol.


And because I’m a pesky intuitive (and I’m glad that my guides aren’t allowed to be exasperated with me), I still asked, Really?

Another cab caught my eye.  The cab’s number — 01.  Which I took to mean that we were one.  Hmmm, okay.

To reinforce, the number pairs kept popping up all the way home.  Who knows, maybe they’re very common and I’m just noticing it now.  So, do you think I have my answer?

And just as I revved up You Tube when I got home, I decided to continue watching a video I paused because I had to leave to go home.  It started where I had left off, and when I played it, the first words said was “So listen to the signs and messages that your guides are giving you.”  There was more, but I can’t remember right now.  I just thought that it was really creepy.  Oh! I remember now, she said something like, “You will question and you will doubt because now, you still cannot see” — it come to fruition or something like that, but that it was there and that we have to continue the journey and the path.


And wow, when they answer a question, they really do answer the question! What do you think? I feel that if I ask one more time, I might get an etheric bonk on the head for being so pesky, lol.


Getting Real


I started a new notebook today, because the old one was almost out of pages.  My birthday month is over, my bank account nearly depleted because of all the things I’ve been buying left and right, and I have to get back to the fit me. 

I was supposed to write out things to do on it, to start the month in proper gear but I drew a blank.  I’m scared.  Paralyzed. It’s like I have to start life all over again on my own when everyone else is way ahead before me.

Part of me wants to lash out at my twin for being such a slowpoke, but I think I’m ascended enough to know that won’t help any.  So the conversation is brought back to Source and there goes my question again — if my free will of how i’ve wanted to live my life during this brief visit on earth was vetoed, what gives? What am I supposed to do? Everyone else is starting a new chapter in their lives. I was supposed to, too.  With my twin, who hasn’t arrived yet. And maybe  because it’ll be the Fourth of July holiday in the US or something that’s making me antsy or what, but I feel that no matter how that narrative plays out, I have to do something.  Move, idiot, move!!!

Unless my life purpose involves  basking in unrequited love because unconditional love means continually loving the person regardless.

I can’t keep vascillating between light and dark energies.  One moment, I feel blissful and fully merged with my twin in 5D and the next moment, I’m wallowing in desperation and loneliness in 3D.  I seriously want to step out of this energy that I’m fearful that everything’s going to come apart at the seams at any given moment. That just makes me a bipolar intergalactic missionary. 

I can feel myself withdrawing again from the outside world.  I don’t even want to pop into FB to virtually socialize or what. I am truly, truly tired.  I want to rest and bask in the energy of love that, for once, isn’t self-generated or accessed.  I don’t want to worry about anything anymore, which, I suppose, would only happen if I were dead. 

So, really, once again, ad infinitum, where do I go from here?  When will I get shown the path? Why am I even here when there is a whole spew of lightworkers doing what they’re supposed to do, giving readings to help others, speaking light language, performing healings, when I’m not doing any of those?  How can I even raise the energy of the planet when I suck at raising my own?

Why, God, why?

Post Script


I told you that I wrote a letter to my twin flame (TF) telling him what I wanted out of life.  I didn’t tell him the details of it though, just a broad outline. However, now that I think about it, there are some things I’d like to add or clarify. This isn’t the whole of it, but it/s a peak.

I wear a uniform to work. It sucks and I hate it. Yes, it makes us look professional, but we would work just as hard wearing our own stuff. So, there, I’d like to be able to wear what I want day in and day out. I like dressing up and accessorizing.  I’ve got more clothes than I can wear, same goes with shoes, and it would be nice to be able to wear them whenever I want. Of course, that comes with the caveat that I’m in the mood to dress up and I actually have other events and places to go to aside from the mall to shop again.

That’s part of the life that I want to have with him.  You know, just relaxing in the energy of love, doing everyday stuff like grocery shopping, going to weekend markets, having coffee at a cafe in the afternoon,  traveling together, meeting business associates, throwing the occasional party or dinner at home for guests, checking out a new resort that’s gotten rave reviews, bending over for sex when the urge strikes us haha.  All this while knowing that money is coming in, passive income or even income generated by those who work for us.

Right now, I’ve decided just to chill when it comes to him.  It’s a nice kind of chill though, not resentful, not overly excited. Even though whenever a thought related to him pops up in my head, the first thing that comes to mind is “Whatever!” It’s not a deflated whatever. It’s more of a que sera sera, life goes on. I like it. I feel like I trust him more to do the right thing for us to come into union. We’re already together in 5D anyway, and I consider our merge then as our engagement of sorts. Of course, there’s entirely the possibility that I’m dead wrong and deluded, but it’s kind of the Life of Pi.  You choose the story with Richard Parker, the bengal tiger.  Besides, “What is dead will never die.”  Got that from Game of Thrones.  Like Jon Snow, you can only be resurrected from there.