Tag Archives: Ascended Masters

Divine Compassion

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I had many questions for Agatha — Psychic Consultants on YouTube — and I’m going to write them down here:

ME: “I watch your YouTube videos and your Vimeos. Some of the more salient points you make are: ‘it doesn’t matter whom you love, as long as you love’ and ‘it doesn’t matter whether you’re together or you’re apart because the point is self-realization’. So are you saying that physical union is close to impossible? (I won’t say impossible because everything is possible). Or that if we choose to unconditionally love our twin and stay faithful to that love, that we should resign ourselves to the fact that it may not manifest and still be happy with that outcome (i.e. that we are without a partner)? But wouldn’t someone who finds themselves without a partner still have to “make do/make happy by themselves” even without going on this twin flame journey anyway? What choice do they have unless they want to wallow in sadness and misery? It’s just that this TF thing is starting to seem like a support group for those unrequited in love.

AGATHA (Reply):  “Only if you assume that being happy regardless of being together or apart results in being apart! What if the opposite was true?? Everything I post is about people realising union and harmony in every possible form. I don’t believe the point is self-realisation at all… I believe the point is JOY. And living a life of total freedom and not needing circumstances to be anything in order to feel that joy. When we love regardless, when we let the energy and power of love flow through us, we don’t really care who or what is around, no, or whether we are in ‘union’ or not, alone or not. But that doesn’t mean surrendering to a life of unhappiness and not being in union or being alone! We get happy FIRST. We be in love FIRST. Then we get what we are destined for. Which is always our highest vision for ourselves. It just works that way. Well in my understanding of this work that I do simply because it is happening. I just share it how it moves through me. And I fully believe and experience that these concepts, when applied, have very positive, practical implications.”

ME (Rejoinder): If you review your video, you did say that the point was self-realization, however, I do believe in the points you raised about living a life of joy. But my question was geared towards reconciling both salient points you’ve made which brings me to “it doesn’t matter whom you love, as long as you love”. I think it would be safe to assume that most of your subscribers, even other readers here on YouTube, that are on a TF journey are seeking for union with their twin in 3D and not only in 5D. And that we’re doing the work (inner purging, healing, et al.) because we want union with our twin, not some karmic partner or person from the same soul group. Because, as I’ve mentioned, if the point was “love the one you’re with (regardless whether TF or not)”, why go on the TF journey anyway? And since in the course of connecting with your true authentic self, you figure out who the other half of your soul is which truth you CANNOT UNKNOW or deny if you still want to stay in your authentic self, then wouldn’t it be more honest to frame the TF journey as one wherein one “seeks an energetic union with your twin (in 5D) to generate tremendous amounts of love to give to others who are NOT your twin (in 3D)?” What bothers me is the fact that physical union is being dangled like a carrot on a stick when the bottomline is “once you get to this point of knowing and accepting the terms of your TF soul contract, you will also have learned to access so much love that you must necessarily spread it to others as part of your mission, regardless of the fact that you will be alone”. If the be all and end all is learning to redirect our love for our twin onto something/someone else, then why not come out with that from the beginning instead of getting up hopes for physical union with a twin?

Well, that’s where the conversation ends for now.  Still waiting if a reply is forthcoming.

Anyway, do you get my question?

1118692I meditated for some answers. First, I did a chakra clearing with the Soul Star. And, surprisingly, much clearing didn’t have to be done for my third eye, throat, heart, and the yellow chakra.  My orange chakra was the one that was blocked.  I felt it was the seat of fear and worries and it was gathering there, blocking the flow of energy, and it took some time to clear.  I even had to call in the Violet Flame to assist the clearing. My base chakra was fine.  Yes, glowing red light full of passion, haha.

 

After that, I was taken to the Akashic Records, it was like a big hall, a big library but without a roof. The books seemed color coded but there were some books that were gold. (All the books were edged in gold though). Our “host” was an old man but not really a man, not an alien, but he was different.  He didn’t speak, but just opened one gold book to some pages. The pages had a slight glow to them. The writing on it was glyphs, but I understood it. There was a mark saying that it was amended to allow union for me and M in 3D, in this lifetime.

My twin was beside me the whole time and I was showing it to him.  Next, we were taken to a pool, like in a resort.  Something like an infinity pool with the most azure blues. And this is where it gets strange because that same scene was cutting back and forth into its 5D and 3D version. The 5D had a backdrop of stars, glowing violet trees, while the 3D version was well — 3D, your usual resort.  I had to immerse myself in the pool.  It was just what I had to do. Just me, not my twin.

Quan Yin

After that, we returned to the Great Hall (that’s what I’ll call it again) but we didn’t linger there.  We found ourselves in the void, and that’s when Quan Yin, the Great Mother of Mercy and Compassion, appeared to us/me. She gave comfort, told me how she knew of my suffering, and assured me of union. Then she blessed me with a gift — it was a gem, like a red ruby that fit in the palm of my hand.  I didn’t know what it signified and when I asked, I was told that I’ll know what it is for when the time comes. I was motioning to share it with my twin who was beside me, but Quan Yin told me that he had his own too.  And that’s when she showed me his.  His wasn’t a ruby.  It was the same cut and shape, but his was more of like an ice blue diamond, and he emanated the same light of the gem throughout his light body. We were told that we were to work with both.

So I imagined connecting my and my gem to him and his through the infinity symbol running through our hearts, connecting us.  We were glowing with a pink light and on the outer was yellow light.  Similar to the yellow/orange ray that accompanied Quan Yin’s departure.  I thanked her for the message and decided to do a reading since I didn’t quite understand what the gem was for or her instructions.  (I know, I know, this starseed needs quite a lot of clarification)

I won’t delve into the details of the reading, but to my surprise, the cards I picked confirmed my encounter with Quan Yin.  My significator was the Page of Cups. After that came Judgment, and after that came Alchemy.  Now, the Alchemy card in my deck (I use the Wizard’s Tarot deck) is depicted by a scientist (or maybe he’s a wizard, I’m not sure), mixing two elements into one bottle — and get this — the elements he was mixing were the same color as the gems we had just received! Not only that, but the final card of the spread was the Lovers. And in my deck, it is pictured by two people facing each other, writing on a desk, and overseeing them is this beautiful lady with golden hair and dressed in a flowing white dressed, holding an red apple by her chest.

Whoaaaaaaa. And it was the same position/posture of Quan Yin prior to handing me the gem.

So I looked up what the gems meant. For the ruby gem, this is what I got:

The color of a healthy awakened heart chakra ranges from a soft pink to a deep ruby red. Ruby is the stone of Lady Master Nada, who is a member of the Karmic Board and serves as the representative of the third ray (pink ray) of divine love. She is very much involved with the initiation and sponsorship of twin flames and the Aquarian age family.

As for my twin’s ice blue diamond gem, apparently it comes from Mother Mary (both Mother Mary and Quan Yin are different aspects of the Divine Feminine). This is what Mother Mary said about it in a channeling:

“The initial purpose of this gift of my essence was to begin to heal the wounds and illusions that had grown so dense upon Gaia; to begin to open and heal your hearts and expand your consciousness that you might begin to understand that you were caught in the mental and emotional illusions of humanity. I more deeply seeded humanity in order that the heart consciousness awakening, the Great Awakening, could truly begin. x x x It is what you call instantaneous combustion of healing because you cannot go forward in the fullness of who you are unless that healing has occurred.

Again, I am awestruck.  My twin is awake and is healed or is currently being healed at a fast rate.  And my heart chakra has blossomed into a deeper love.  Alternatively, ruby also supports life situations and it is a welcome gift because my 3D life is teetering on the brink of collapse.  I’m just comforted knowing that the ascended masters know about it and are supporting me.

That’s it for now.  Namaste.

 

 

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Mastering the Multiverse for Union

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Today, I came across this Pleiadian Channeled Message to Twin Flames 07 11 16 “Ascension Definition” as channelled by Naglaa Elshamy.  I suggest you watch it first, before delving into my comments:

So far, this is what I got from it:

  • we must learn the concept of “wisdom and energy” and what it means to put energy into action
  • when the Twin Flame Collective puts its mind towards a certain destination, we will be able to manifest our heart’s desires
  • connection with higher light beings (divine beings) goes both ways. We become both human and spiritual beings living in parallel realities – 3D and 5D.
  • Those two realities are separate and connected.  For people who have reached that certain mastery in their ascension, they can fully make the connection between the two realities — physical and spiritual.
  • So when you connect with someone in 3D, you must also connect with them in 5D – it’s like doing two things at the same time.
  • When you are in ascension, that gap between the two realities come really close to each other until they are fully merged. When that happens, you become a master of living in both realities. (some deep Matrix stuff here!)
  • Ergo, Master Level Skill = FULL INTEGRATION OF BOTH REALITIES
  • Ascenscion therefore means that you are an individual that is capable of living a full physical life & a full spiritual life at the same time.
  • To reach this Mastery Skill Level, one will have gone through different cycles of healing, different cycles of stripping of the ego, different cycles of reaching one’s own balance of intuition.  Once you listen to your intuition, you will be able to fully connect with the dimension of your spiritual being (a.k.a. The Higher Self)
  • More importantly, one must go through multiple series of upgrades of your being — downloads, upgrades — to our bodies.

So the video ends with a bit of homework:  Where are you on your ascension journey? How are you connecting with your intuition? Can you tell whether the messages you’re getting are from intuition or from ego?

Let me try answering my “homework” 🙂

Assuming that the goal is Mastery Skill Level, four elements have been identified, i.e. different cycles of: a) stripping of the ego, b)healing, c) balance of intuition, and d) downloads and upgrades to your body.

Different Cycles of Stripping of the Ego & Healing

I shall be discussing both of these at the same time because they go hand in hand.  One cannot be truly healed on a fundamental level (a.k.a. soul level), if the ego is still in the way.  And, of course, before one would even need healing, there has to be some wound, some injury, some incident, circumstance or situation that causes pain.

On that score alone, I think the Universe has given me numerous opportunities to heal.  Almost 33 years now, beginning from when I was around 8.  (And I just realized at this moment that each chapter of my life before it shifted in a different direction amounts exactly to 11 years. And that kind of creeps me out, but let me get on with my homework!)

8-19 years: 

  • highly intuitive, got interested in the paranormal and mystical after surviving an illness that doctor’s could not identify and only a local shaman was able to heal me by — get this — extracting 3 cockroaches from my abdomen
  • able to hear voices talking to me, see paranormal stuff (yes, even ghosts), vivid and recurring dreams, and I remember that I was very afraid of seeing Jesus and/or Mother Mary appear in front of me, especially at the foot of my bed.  Jesus once appeared in the sky when I was in the car on the way to Baguio and was peering out the window, but I couldn’t tell anyone because it was too strange though I never forgot the incident.
  • I remember trying to teach my parents how to be parents, how to love, and what it means to be family.  I don’t know how I got the information but I continually wrote them long letters about it, until, at about the age of 14, I stopped altogether, disheartened that they weren’t listening to what I was saying.  It’s only now that I’m more spiritually evolved that I realized what that was all about —  Lyran, soul contract that I would lead them in evolving spiritually, etc. 
  • I’ve been told that most of the things that I predicted then or just said came true.  Some of them I found out just recently when those I’ve given the message to told me about it.  I often forget what I’ve said.
  • Major hurts and lessons at this time centered around family and betrayal in friendships.

19-30 years:

  • the most worldly and “cushy” part of my existence, thus far. Started law school which led me on another path.
  • continued my otherworldly pursuits through readers, wicca, astrology, feng shui, and high magick, found out that Mother Mary was my Sponsoring Deity (which I now know that what that reader saw was an aspect of my Divine Feminine)
  • still being plagued by elementals, incubi, and misguided humans (a.k.a. criminals) — yes, I’ve been carnapped, mugged at icepick point, etc. and I’ve even had my energy attempted to be stolen by “gifted” people.  My theory on this is that they get attracted to the light — my inner light/energy — and it’s like the Ring of Power for them and they go batshit Gollum “My Preciousessss!!” on me.
  • My introduction to love was a very lighthearted Pan-like, mischievous toned one.  Actually broke more than a fair share of hearts during this time.  But, in turn, my heart got majorly broken by my first boyfriend who taught me a whole lot of stuff, in love and in life.  He’s dead now, but I do believe he was a soulmate.
  • Got my first lesson in unconditional love given to me by my first love, my lhasa apso, MuMu, the circumstances of which I came upon him were purely coincidental. I recognize now that the was the companion sent to me by the Universe, and the lessons he taught me became the standard by which I could tell — although most oftentimes I ignored the signs — the red flags which foretold ego-based love.
  • Heartbreak was the major lesson here.  A shift in friends and focus too.  Family wasn’t bugging me too much during this period.

31-41 years:

  • The year I met my Twin Flame — that’s what marks this chapter. And I met him through serendipity also because my karmic was, ironically, the one who chose him.
  • Major events.  So major that, I have often referred to the time my lessons all came raining down on me as “that Series of Unfortunate Events” — grief, heartbreak, betrayal, treachery, poverty, statelessness, being the victim of a crime.  And all these lessons kicked in the moment I chose to run away from my twin. It was so bad that I’ve wanted to kill myself at least twice, only to be saved by an 11th hour angel in the form of a friend.
  • Major ego stripping and healing which took some time and some healing is still going on.
  • It was only three years ago that I was awakened to my true origins as a starseed and lightworker. Only a few months ago did I re-discover that I am on a Twin Flame Journey.

Different Cycles of Downloads and Upgrades

I also learned that one of my major missions in this lifetime had to do with my family.  It was after I was permitted to cut karmic ties with them that my etheric grid was upgraded to a crystalline matrix.  I have been anchoring high frequency rays consciously for a while now and I can usually tell which one I’m anchoring.  I work with Angels, Archangels, Ascended Masters, my Higher Self, and my spiritual team. I’ve finally learned to exorcise — and successfully done so — elementals and incubi who want to latch on to me.

I’ve learned how to read tarot cards better now.  It’s as if the cards speak to me.  And I’ve practiced healing on others successfully.

Although not fully conscious of energy downloads, I can feel its effect on my physical body.  Most often, I am tired and drained.

I’ve merged with my Twin in 5D despite our 3D dynamics (or lack thereof), but which is also the reason why I’m not bawling my eyes out in heartbreak or desperation. We communicate telepathically for now.

I’m not that afraid anymore of Jesus and Mother Mary and they’ve shown up in meditation without me running away in fear.

Different Cycles of Balance of Intuition

(my sleep meds are kicking in so forgive me if my thoughts aren’t that lucid)

On the subject of intuition, what I can say is that I have an ongoing conversation with my Higher Self now.  I can very easily spot what’s coming from ego and can point it out as well.  I think that all the “experience” I’ve had the past three decades are finally settling down onto a plate of wisdom.

What Naglaa said about living in two parallel and distinct realities seems true for me, although since the discovery is quite recent, I’ve been more focused on my spiritual evolution now.  And I am learning to balance the two worlds.  Despite what’s been going on in 3D, the undercurrent is one of happiness and unconditional love, bliss, even.

I don’t know if my twin will come around.  If this is the measure of ascension — Heaven on Earth – then I seem to be well on my way in this journey. In fact, I think it’s one of the reasons I’m exhausted.  It’s like going to night school.  There’s real life work to do, passions to follow, and yet, when I am called to learn some more, do the ascension work, the healing work, I still carry on, usually until the meds kick in and I have to sleep to get up for work the next day.  It’s tiring switching from this to that.

But what of my twin?  He seems to be lagging far, far behind.  How are we going to meet at the “appointed place and time” for union if his ego keeps getting in the way?

I don’t know.  And not knowing, is part and parcel of this journey.

 

Waving the White Flag

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It’s Black Saturday today.  Just one day more until Easter and I would have survived the Holy Week I had been so dreading. And over where I live where everyone is predominantly Catholic (including me), the Holy Week is strictly observed – no work.  It’s paid time off to go on a vacation/staycation and to rest and reflect at what you’ve done in your human life.

Holidays are always difficult for me because I have no one to spend them with.  Much as I’d like to go to the beach or take in some other scenery, going at it alone makes me sadder than if I wouldn’t have gone.  I’ve since learned to suck it up and just stay still until it blows over.

Went brainstorming with a friend last Wednesday.  We’re somewhat in the same boat – not knowing where to go or what to do with the rest of our single lives. It was rather depressing.  We came to the conclusion that this was pretty much it. Actually, I think she had more hope for a romantic love life than I did.  All I could see stretched out ahead of me were more lonely days, lists of things to do, and occasional dalliances with things and events to amuse me. So, yes, the rest of my life will mostly be spent finding things to bide my earthly time with.  It’s not a very exciting prospect really.

I was glad I was able to go to confession though.  It was two years ago since my last one. Thing is, aside from being sharp of tongue and invoking karma to descend on those who continue to wreak havoc in the world (which isn’t really a sin and more of a duty since part of my soul purpose in this lifetime is to dish out Divine Justice), I genuinely felt I didn’t have much to confess. Forbearance was the name of my game for the most part, at least, with the major things that other people do to hurt me.  I’ve long since realized that it’s part of their “being human”, this penchant they have of not being able to look beyond what’s in front of them.

SJC_interiorLent

I didn’t partake in most of the traditional things that should be done during the Holy Week.  And like I said, most Catholic folk have it in front of them but don’t look beyond.  Take the violet shrouds that cover most of the religious statutes.  For the unenlightened, violet is just the color of lent. However, it’s representative of the Silver Violet Flame that purges us and transmutes the negativity into a higher frequency vibration, one that brings us closer to God.  And I realized that although I hadn’t confessed in quite a while, I had already been confessing to God every time I invoked the Silver Violet Flame.  I forgave myself.  I forgave others who had wronged me.  One cannot help but do so when the blessing of the Silver Violet Flame descends.

But the unawakened horde doesn’t realize that.  Or take the Sacred Heart, for example.  Most depiction of saints and Jesus and Mother Mary show their sacred hearts emanating light. Devotees pray novenas and reflect on this, but they do not realize that it’s representative of the heart chakra which, on the Ascended Masters, are working at full efficiency, for lack of a better term.  And instead of wondering in awe at what they perceive to be supernatural and beyond them, they should try harder instead to make their own sacred hearts shine brighter.  Well, that’s what I did for my Lenten reflection.  I activated my heart chakra with meditation and channeling from my Lyran kin.  And once it’s opened, you’ll be able to understand the depth of love one can feel for another without it being tainted by guilt.

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The heaviest sin, IMHO, that I confessed was that I felt bitterness at my lot in life.  And this is true, as you can read from my previous blog posts.  Maybe this is it.  Maybe this is as far as God’s plan for me goes. At least in this lifetime.  And I know that I’ve been resisting it, railing against it, hoping against hope that there was something more I could look forward to, but maybe this is it.

I can see myself waving that white flag of surrender.  What would you have me do, God?  That’s what I’ve been meditating on.  I have gotten no answers, except “Rest. Chill.” Well, God didn’t exactly say Chill’, but basically, I should just bask in the surrendering.

When I asked my cards, Judgment + Tower + Two of Pents came up.  Could be positive.  Could be otherwise. But I do know that it pertains to my Twin Soul reunion.  I’ll have to ask more about that.

Okay, heading out to watch “Batman vs. Superman” in a bit.  Alone, yes, on a holiday.  It’s one of those activities I’ve lined up for myself to keep amused.  Oh, well.  Happy Easter, everyone!

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2016 Message from my Guides

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In preparation for the year ahead, instead of popping firecrackers and lighting up fireworks, I went inward.

I cleansed my chakras using the Soul Star and the Triangulation Method. To my surprise, it wasn’t as blocked as it was the first time my energy healer did this method on me.  It just felt smoggy but not totally blocked, like there was a haze of psychic pollution that dimmed my light within.

After that, I invoked St. Germain and the Silver Violet Flame to heal me and transmute all my negative energy, frustrations, and heartaches into something more positive.  From each chakra point to the next, I could feel my light body radiate once more.

I anchored the Silver Violet Flame onto my canine wards — and they weren’t as panicked as they usually were whenever they’d hear fireworks.  I also anchored the flame in my room and in our home, and prayed that the ego-centered, prideful people that lived inside it (my father, mother, brother) would change.

I sat in silent meditation and asked the Ascended Masters what color ray I was anchoring now. It was darkness and silence at first.  I couldn’t tell what color I was really “seeing” since my mind was still working.  I was doing a “process of elimination” in the logical part of my brain.  I had already anchored the silver violet flame, the silver platinum ray, and the gold platinum ray. Recently, I had a phase of being attracted to all things blue (Blue Ray), then Yellow which seems to still be the case and the majority of my preferences (Yellow Ray), but that seemed to be peppered with occasional pickings of things in the pale rose palette.  I would match that with a light grey, and except for the fact that pale rose isn’t seen in the best light with my olive skin tone, I would have picked that more.

When my mind had quieted down and I gave this “process of elimination” a rest, slowly, I saw my light body, glowing with a purple aura, anchoring a pale pink ray infused with crystals.  It was then that I heard the voice of a woman, gentle and sweet.

She began by telling me that she knew of all my troubles and disappointments.  She said that they all loved me and that it wouldn’t be long before things would change, that I should hold on a bit longer.  She said that my angels and guides were there to help and while she was saying this, I saw a vision of ascended masters behind her.  She said that they had heard me many times before when I had asked and that what I had asked for was coming to me.  I can’t remember the exact words she used, but it was along the lines of I should not despair.

She didn’t exactly explain what the crystal pink ray was for, but in my heart, I understood that it was a delicate ray and that’s perhaps why I was beginning to shun most people, energies, and frequencies that didn’t resonate with it. I had to protect it from those energies, so that it would fully “download” and I could anchor it better.

I was crying by the end of the session.  I felt engulfed in the group hug of these divine beings offering me comfort and love. I thanked my higher self, my spiritual team, my guardian angels, the Archangels and the Ascended Masters for their visit before I closed the session with full gratitude in my heart.

I had never felt this “light” (pun intended) since the holiday season began in my country this October.  I felt cleansed from the inside-out even though I was sporting more weight than usual. What’s more, I actually felt happy and joyful even though I was celebrating new year’s eve alone with my doggies.

It was only when I looked up more aspects of the crystal pink ray that I learned I was anchoring Divine Love.  No wonder it felt so good and peaceful.  It’s making me think twice about joining the 3rd Dimensioners again because I don’t want this feeling to be infiltrated by anything else.  I’m still “dark” when it comes to my social media.  But that’s the whole dichotomy of it.  In darkness, there is light.

May the year ahead bring love, peace, prosperity and less vexations from lower frequencies!

 

 

Universal Law of Detachment

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Call me silly, but I’m wearing the wedding dress I picked out for my civil wedding today.  I figured, if M doesn’t come at all or make contact with me, I may not get to wear it and the white will just yellow out from lack of use.  That would be such a shame since it’s such a pretty dress.

So I wore it anyway.  According to the cards, both mine and my reader’s, M was supposed to fix things with me last October, November, and even this month, December.  So, I waited, and still, nothing.  Even when I considered the possibility of another person coming into my life, the answer was still the same.  Wait for him.  He’s got things planned.  Everything will come as a surprise.

But still, nothing.

I’ve asked my Higher Self, my Spiritual Team, my angels, the Archangels, the Ascended Masters, and the members of the Karmic Board.

Our soul contracts have both been amended.  His soul fragments have been retrieved (by me — and yes, that was a tough one).  The earth-bound persons and spirits interfering with both our free will have been exorcised and banished (with no less than the silver platinum ray). And whenever I ask the spiritual authorities for confirmation of all these things, the answer is positive.  So, in that realm, everything seems to be in order for our union here in the Third Dimension.

As above, so below.

So where’s the block?

My reader now is on the verge of giving up on M because despite being accurate in most, if not all, readings that he gives me, all his predictions about M don’t manifest.  And, yes, he is starting to sound like a fool, and I, the bigger one, for believing in him.

In his readings and mine, everything seems to be ready.  It’s as if the “execute” button is just waiting to be pressed, and everything will start to unfold with surprising alacrity.

In my readings though — which I do trust since they jive with my reader’s cards even though I have no idea which cards to pick at the time — there are two “off ” cards which I do not wholly understand which repeatedly appear — the Devil and the Eight of Swords.  I couldn’t tell if they pertained to him or me.

And today, while I was searching for answers, I chanced upon an article that mentioned the Law of Universal Detachment.  I don’t think it’s just a random thing since from experience, I generally get the answers I seek.  I’m a firm believer in “Ask and you shall be given.”

I think that those two cards pertain to me.  That, as long as I am attached to the outcome, it won’t manifest.

The good news is I’m well on my way to getting detached.  This dress, for example.  I figured that if he does come and I do have to wear something for the wedding, then I’ll just have it cleaned.  Wearing it doesn’t mean that I won’t ever have the chance to wear it again.  Besides, as I do believe in “Prepared Redundancy”, I have a wedding dress back-up. So I don’t know if it really counts.

Another issue I have in letting go is the fear of getting someone else that is subpar from what I wished to create.  Say you asked for a red BMW.  Allowing the Universe to deliver, might mean ANY red car.  I suppose that’s okay if you asked for a car, any car, just as long as it’s red.  And I sort of feel that accepting whatever manifests is a subversion of my free will.

So, in the scenario that I’m creating with M, along with its associated perks, he would be the base ingredient.  The rest is preferable, but negotiable.

If I turn over the reigns to the Universe, and I have an order which is much more complicated than just your “usual burger and fries”, will It just give me any guy? A replica?  Premium quality? Is It expecting me to say, “Thank you.  This will do,” instead of “Excellent job! You got it right!”

I suppose the Universe doesn’t care as long as It delivers. Order a plate of scrambled eggs and even if you get them fried, it doesn’t matter because they’re still eggs. But you didn’t want fried eggs; you wanted them scrambled.

Does that make me a tough customer?  I suppose so.  I’ve always been that way.

So if the Universe is going to give me some version of M anyway, what’s with all the guidance with the cards?

At this point, does it even matter? (Yes, it does.) Well, I’m all out of options anyway as regards him.  The Universe has me beaten to a pulp, and I can’t really say that the journey was “enjoyable” to get to this point.  No.  Definitely not.  It was arduous, miserable, painstaking, and filled with loneliness and suffering.  And that’s still without the treacherous backstabbing of my family.

What’s more, giving up at this point feels like I’m giving up on the Universe’s awesome power to deliver. It’s like telling an actor, “Give me your best,” and when they deliver, you get to say, “Is that it? Oh, well, I guess that’s it.”

And I’m just hoping it will be the same as when I pronounced Maximus an utterly dumb dog when he turned out to be smarter than most.  (Seriously, he can pick out “platypus” from a range of toys laid out for him to pick from).

I suppose I want to be surprised, and awed, and amazed at how the Universe, with Its infinite power, can deliver something greater than I expected regardless of the fact that my standards were high in the first place.

I want to see how It works things out while respecting my free will, my preference in this lifetime, to be with him.

Anyway, I’ve taken my first step towards detachment.  Just a couple of minutes ago, I sent him a message wishing him well.  It doesn’t even say “delivered” like it used to before, so maybe he’s blocked me or, at the very least, giving the benefit of the doubt, it’s on “airplane mode”. Still, I shouldn’t care right?  The only thing I should care about is that I sent the message.  If we are indeed star-crossed lovers, then at some point in time, he’ll get to read it.  Whether it will be too late for the both of us then, what else can we do about it?

If he does get the message and chooses to ignore it because he’s got his own thing going for him, then, that’s it, I suppose.  Again, what else can be done?

If he chooses to respond and it’s good news for me, then well and good.

If he chooses to respond and the outcome is negative for me, then, I have no choice but to roll with the punches.

In any case, today was a good day to do this.  In my wedding dress; for a wedding that didn’t happen.

 

 

 

The Hold Out

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I got a reading today.  Although my situation is a whole lot rocky especially on the domestic front, the cards (and my reader’s guides) are advising me to hold on because the storm will pass and the sun will come out soon.

Some highlights of my reading:

My now ex-friend JJ’s business and love life will reach Tower status if she doesn’t make things right with me.

Apparently, she thinks that I’m causing the havoc in her life right now and is distancing herself from me.  It’s the wrong way round.  The reason that nothing seems to come to fruition with her is because despite helping her out and showing her kindness and generosity of spirit, she didn’t treat me well.  Well, that’s actually a euphemism.  Betrayed would be the proper word.  Then again, I forgave her (three times now, by my count) and yet, she didn’t make good on those second chances.

Oddly enough, she’s one of the few people who know my divine aspect as dispenser of divine justice.  So that’s disappointing.  Neither my reader (who also knows her) nor I can give her a heads up too because this is a test that she has to figure out and pass by herself, not because she was coached.  I’ll be sad to lose a friend.  But again, I’m not a doormat.  If she doesn’t make amends, the trend will continue, and she’ll have no one to blame but herself and her foolish pride.

Better to stay under the radar for now where my parents are concerned.

I asked if I could just give them money next month, but the advise was to give some now otherwise, they’ll throw a shit storm by August when other things in my life are going well for me.

When I asked whether or not it was safe to surface, the cards said not yet.  It would be better if I didn’t talk to them first until I got myself properly situated with M.  That’s assuming, of course, that M would come in time, and I hope he does because too long of a hold out would just make me seem like a universal asshole.

My relationship with my dad will never be repaired.  My mom will continue to be user-friendly.  They will keep asking for money and emotionally blackmail me into giving it.

The Secret Wedding

So the advice was that when M and I get our act together and decide to get married, that I shouldn’t tell them because they will attempt to sabotage it.  I can only tell them when it’s a done deal.  I’ll have to explain to M my circumstances and he will understand and will want to take me away from my own private hell here.

I can’t introduce him to my family either because it will sour our beginning.  Not even my sisters.  My friends, yes, but not my immediate family because all of them have their own malevolent and resentful agenda against me.  The advise was to give us time to get used to each other and get settled down, before we let in the barbarian horde into our lives.

I’m going to be moving out first before the wedding so I don’t know how to keep that under wraps.  In any case, I don’t think it will be a problem once I announce it, especially if I preface it with the fact that they’ve been telling me to get my own place since they will be selling the house soon, and that here I am, finally complying with their dearest hearts’ wishes.

Kind of a very different scenario from my resort destination wedding that was prophesied at first, but I have to roll with the punches.  The “storm” I’m going through was foretold by my other reader in my birthday reading when she said that I’d have to face some challenges when I turn 40.  Yeah, this is probably it.

They’ll all be sorry.

I don’t say that in a vengeful sort of way, but I mean, they’ll literally say sorry and try to make amends to me.  M will be sorry that he’s strayed the path and delayed so many times, given in to temptation and all that, but from the time he arrives, he will make up for it.  That’s also the reason why he hasn’t spoken to me — he’s downing the cocktail of shame with a shot of remorse.

My dad will be sorry and will try to make amends, but only because he wants money, and to that, I say fuck him.  My mom will be sorry and try to be congenial but only because of money too.  The advise was to give them what they ask just so they get off my back for a while.

The Sun is Coming

Actually, my first and determining spread was really good.  I got the Sun card for the final outcome.  Right now though, I feel pained and desolate because, until it happens, I really don’t know for sure if I’m looking forward to something, but the cards say that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Even when I read my own cards, that’s what it says.

So right now, my best option is to keep flying low under the radar, keep my cards close to my chest, and hold out for as long as I can, bending without breaking, like a bamboo in the wind.

God help me.  My higher self, spiritual team, and the angels, archangels, and the ascended masters too.

The Fine Print

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Felt incredibly sad today.  Somebody came in to measure my room because, apparently, my parents are set to sell this house.  They plan to buy a new place and take my brother with them, but not me.

So in a couple of months, I’m going to be left homeless again.  Still don’t know what’s going to happen.  I don’t have money to rent a new place, and finding a place to rent which allows dogs is going to be tricky.  And this, just when I’m loving living in this place and my life here, so to speak, has been set on autopilot already.

What bugs me the most is how they’re being surreptitious about all this.  Like they want to catch me unaware.  I went downstairs to do some baking and when I looked around, most of the things have been packed, drawers were empty, and there were boxes labeled.  When my mom got there, I even asked her why the kitchen drawers were empty and she had the temerity to pretend not to know anything.  She merely shrugged and said that maybe they were old and were thrown away.  Liar.

It seems that every four years or so, I have to move and it’s not of my own choosing.  It’s usually dictated by circumstances, and I was just wondering if this was in the “fine print” of my soul contract.  I’m an anchor for higher energies, and I know that my loner life and my escape of that by surrounding myself with other people is a mechanism by which I get to spread energy.  It’s just so damn stressful and lonely.

Although they’ve done this to me several times before, the betrayal is nonetheless heartbreaking.  Of course, I know I’ll survive.  But I think this is the end of the line for me when it comes to my so-called earth family.  It’s time to look for a new one or be with chosen family that actually have a regard for me.

Is this my lot in life?  I’ve asked the Karmic Board to grant me a partner to go through life with and they answered positively.  Yet, I’m still alone.  Not exactly helpless, but still some ever lost human who has more direction in another dimension other than this one.

I’ve prayed to the ascended masters, my angels, asked my higher self and spiritual team to help me, prayed to the archangels, and now, I don’t know what to do anymore.

There is somehow a brighter side to this.  Each move that I’ve had was an upgrade of sorts.  Yes, I may have gone back to the “family home” when I moved back from the US, but it was still an upgrade considering I got another room, one which was attached to a balcony as wide as our living room, and I had full view of the skies, the stars, and all the glory of nature.  Plus, it gave my dogs room to run around and watch the passersby with air to breathe.  That’s what I have right now — sunshine, air, a view of the mountains, serenity. That’s what I’ll be saying goodbye to in I don’t know when.

And with what I can afford now, with no money in the bank, is some rinky dink apartment in probably some shady part of town with no appliances or furniture either.  Not really looking forward to that.  So I really don’t know how the upgrade part is going to work out if this really is a cosmic pattern in my contract.

I guess, it’s time to pray for a miracle.  At least, I’m thankful for my guides for alerting me to the situation even if my earth-parents have been jackasses about it.  Maybe I’ll stay in my current job until I reach goal weight (because it gives me time to work out and rejuvenate) and once I’m in maintenance, aim for a job with a higher paycheck.  Then, I’m going to travel and spread energy elsewhere.

Sometimes, I hate this job that I signed up for.  Not my earth job, but this starseed thing.  It makes it seem that I have a choice when I really don’t.  We’re supposed to be experiencing joy in this life, not just the crappy parts of it.  I seriously hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel in this life, not just the next.