Monthly Archives: September 2016

Rapid Response Team


Oh, wow.  That was fast.

I already told you what Candace said about whether or not M is my twin, but I wanted further validation.  So I was shopping for a reader who could do my twin’s verification, but nothing resonated or was within the budget yet.

So I watch a couple of Twin Flame videos on YouTube, and I’m watching Starsoul Tarot’s reading for Gemini this October 2016. Mid-reading, I already decided that I would ask her since she’s very good at what she does and her readings are very insightful. I was actually looking online for her email address to get in touch with her about how my question was going to be phrased or if she answered those types of questions. I find her pricing and options and check the conversion of currencies.

I get back to the reading, play it again, but since I’m an easily distracted Gemini, I pause the video again and decide to check out FB.  And guess what?

She had actually gotten in touch with me to tell me that I won the free reading contest that she had last month! Wow!!!!

This is too creepy to be just coincidence, lol. It actually feels like a “verification gift” from the heavens. Thank you, Universe! Thank you, Hazel!




I am giddy with joy after that reading with Candace! We had technical difficulties at first, but that was soon solved and I did get to talk to her over the phone.

So, the big news?  YES, YES, YES, I AM A TWIN FLAME! Weeeeeee…..

It’s just like IamAngelics.Net said about her “crown of thorns” vision.  The message of her vision was that the crown of thorns blocks our crown chakra and once that is removed, we will have a clearer connection with Source.  She prayed that it be removed and said that it will all get done in a week.  But after that reading with Candace (Mystic Moon Woman), I’ve already felt it starting. There’s thumping pressure on my crown chakra now even as I write this, and it’s as if all those “blocked” downloads have finally made it through a dam and are just flowing freely through me.

Anyway, back to my reading…

I cried, as I thought I would.  The reading turned out exactly as my cards predicted about 30 minutes before. (I couldn’t help it; I had to “see” how it was going to turn out because I was already cracking under pressure) And the funny thing is, the Ascended Master card I got was “Come Out of the Closet”, LOL.

So, yes, I am a Twin Flame.  She felt it and when she asked, out came the Two of Pentacles, her symbol for a Twin Flame. I told her that that’s what I attributed to Twin Flames in my deck too.  She also said that she made it her intention to connect to other twins during her soul coaching mission work, and the fact that I was speaking to her or that I chose her to confirm is more validity of that.

When I asked her what ray I was, it turns out that I am a Blue-Golden Ray Twin Flame. Of course, I’m not the only one.  She identified Patricia McNealy as another one, so I think I have to check out her videos more.

Candace also spoke on the differences between Indigos and Blue Rays and said that she felt I was more Blue Ray than Indigo.  But I told her about my reading and Spirit’s guidance that I was a Golden Ray and that’s how we ended up with Blue-Golden.

As for my question whether the person I think is my twin IS my twin, the answer is YES.  Well, actually, the answer — if we want to be accurate about this — was more along the lines of “the soul knows”.  And I’m happy with that answer.  I told her a bit about my journey, the one that runs close to a decade, and that’s actually when I started crying. She was telling me more about being a twin, but most of what she said, I already knew.  Still, it helps that it’s been validated by someone else.

I told her I didn’t want to ask when my twin and I will come into union because I’ve already reconciled with the fact that it will be in Divine Timing.  All in good time, so to speak.

What I did take from the reading is this freedom, this feeling of liberation that’s spinning inside me right now.  It’s like what my aura does when I’m pissed — it sends out fiery sparks — except this time it’s sending out little crystal hearts that float gently like dandelions in a breeze. I’m seeing this in 5D right now as I’m describing it and it is awesome! The multiverse is indeed a magical place.

So I haven’t been crazy or delusional the past six months! LOL. It’s like I’m bathing in a waterfall of confidence and I’m raring to experience, share and teach with my spiritual gifts NOW, and I mean NOWWWWWWW. LOL.

My twin is also beside himself with glee that I’m happy.  The best way to describe it is, you know, when wife worries about something and hubby is trying to console her by telling her everything will be okay, and now, my twin is so pleased with himself with his “I-told-you-sos”.

So if I were to write a revised About Me, this is how it would go:

I am Yael, Starseed Angelic from the planet Lyra, Illumined Blue-Golden Twin Flame, member of the Order of the Violet Flame, Claircognizant, Healer, Lightworker, and harbinger of Divine Justice.

I think I like it. 🙂

My heart chakra still feels like it’s going to burst with love.  And now, everything seems clearer.  It’s like that ending scene in The Usual Suspects where Verbal Kint outs himself as Keyser Soze and you’re looking at that bulletin board with new eyes in an a-ha moment.

I know why Velanthas didn’t tell me I was a twin flame. She had to. And I’m glad she did even if it caused me tremendous heartbreak.  If she just went out and told me, I wouldn’t have come into my own knowing.

I even know now why I am a Blue-Golden Twin Flame which ties in to the Divine Feminine, Sponsoring Deity that Arnold Barrera told me about before he went astray from his path. My Sponsoring Deity is Mother Mary and her colors are blue, white and gold.

I know why Angel, my former friend and destiny adviser, told me that my mission in life is to embody feminine energy and why I’ve chosen to incarnate as a woman in this lifetime.

And best of all, I know that I am not lost at all.  I AM FOUND.


Probationary Period is Over


I’ve been on edge since this morning.  Tonight, I have a scheduled reading with Candace Moon Woman, and I’m supposed to ask her if I am 1) indeed a Twin Flame or just merely a deluded Starseed (I’ve confirmation on the Starseed bit before); 2) which Ray I belong to, if I am indeed a TF; and 3) if the person I think is my twin is really my twin.

It’s a bit tricky because I only have three questions and my questions will depend on the answers given.  Let me explore various scenarios:

Q1: Am I a TF? A:  Yes. Q2: What kind of ray do I belong to? Answer.  Q3: Is the person whom I think is my TF really my TF? Answer.

That’s the way I primarily think it will go.  However, best be ready for different scenarios.

Q1: Am I a TF? A: No. Then WTF have I been doing the past six months?!???? (drops phone call in rage and frustration)

Yep, I tried searching this blog for any definitive entry as to when I discovered I was a twin, and I don’t have any entry for it.  Best I can peg it is between March 2016 and April 2016.  However, there is a dearth of posts because during that time I was busy “campaigning in 3D for our national elections.

But wow, right? Only six months since my “knowing” about twin flames and it already seems like I’ve been on this journey for ages. Anyway, on to scenarios…

Q1: Am I a TF? A: No. (crying inside at the point) Q: What am I then?  I was told I was an Indigo Starseed. I was guided to the knowing that I am Lyran.  So am I a Starseed from Lyra? Q: Is there marriage for me in the future?

I suppose this is the next best line of questioning to get to the truth so that I can plan my next moves in life. But honestly, I don’t know if I will be able to muster up the motivation to do that because I will have to undo my reality for the past six months.

What makes me anxious is the fact that I will have to press the restart button however involuntarily. Is this the “new beginning” that the guides have been speaking on in the past few months?

What makes me more anxious is the fact that my schedule is pretty much full the next three days, which means that whatever the news will be, I will have to suck it up for the next three days before I can even purge.

I don’t even know if I’m just going to start bawling the minute Candace speaks or if she will be kind and accommodating.  It’s a good faith presumption for now.


So nervous right now, I feel I’m going to crack under pressure. And there was this girl in the FB group who just posted that she thought she was a twin but after reading the stuff that other people posted, realized that she wasn’t.

Is that a sign? Some foreboding to tell me I’m not alone?

I can’t take this anymore.  I just hope she remembers our appointment because I don’t think I could go another day like this.

I don’t know where she’ll call.  I gave her my mobile but since I’m in another country, I don’t know if she’ll assume international calling charges.  I did give her options to call me sans the charges using apps out there, but I was just “seen-zoned”.

I think I should make notes about questions so that I don’t get so rattled later. After that, I want to meditate before the phone call, just to calm down my nerves.  I’m too nervous to even smoke! But I did buy sedatives in advance but that’s really for my insect bite allergy swelling up my ankle at the moment.

Okay, will update you how it goes.




Random Thoughts


Can’t think of a better title because I don’t know how this entry will turn out.  I just wanted to write, to connect with something, someone, somewhere out there. So bear with me. Or skip this all together. 🙂 You have been warned.


On the Twin Flame Community Drama – well, that’s winding down. I suppose folks got appalled that a lot were coming out of the woodwork with similar experiences with IamAngelics.Net and they thought that the negativity would shatter the zen, so to speak.  They even “disbanded” that wrongly spelled group (which I am thankful for because the wrong spelling was grating) and created a new one.

My thoughts on this?  Light cannot exist without dark. I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss another twin’s experience if only because it destroys the “hugbox” experience for you.  What we resist, persists.  Not looking at it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  And, corollarily, just like what they preach in the TF community, just because one hasn’t come into physical union yet, doesn’t mean that one won’t.  It’s part of the Christos Energy, the Alpha and Omega, both ends of the spectrum, embraced.  And I just honestly think that some twins are just looking for guidance (hey, this journey didn’t come with a manual!) and is why they are bringing it up.


#iamatwinflame  — so I joined the new group and am still feeling my way through.  I am really looking for forum for discussion about this journey, but if it only evolves into a “hugbox” full of positivity memes, then at least I’ll know that it is that.

Honestly, I don’t even know if I rightfully belong there.  What if M isn’t really my twin? What if I’m not a twin? I am a confirmed Starseed Indigo Lightworker, that much I know, but the twin part, I was merely guided to it.  And yes, if you backread my blog, you’ll see me recounting all those times when I asked Spirit if I was a twin flame and his/her answer, but still, you know? In any case, if it’s something like “gender” in the 3D, then I am identifying as a twin flame haha. My inchoate book title just got a bit longer — “The Little Lost Starseed and Reluctant Twin Flame” 🙂

I figured, I’ll find out the real answer to that either when I come into union with my twin in this lifetime OR when my time is up on this Earth.  In any case, if I have been mistakenly sending unconditional love to my false twin, that unconditional love has to have been sent somewhere and it would also do nothing but good. I might have wasted my time denouncing other experiences with someone else in this physical incarnation (status as of now, but I may get bored a couple of years later being alone and celibate and just hook up with someone else who doesn’t mind not being the love of my life — just keeping it real), but it was still my choice.


Houston, We Have a Problem – I googled my TF this afternoon.  That was after one of my coworkers introduced me to a deep web search and I got curious what would turn up for him.  Well, nothing on that engine, so I went back to good old Google.  Still, nothing that I hadn’t seen before except for the fact that he had plumbing work done on his house back in 2014. (The site listed remodelling permits).

I even texted him today only because some of the readings said that the Divine Feminine was wearing a mask and to tell him what you truly feel and to reach out and not be afraid to be rejected.  As usual, no response.

So, for all intents and purposes, he might as well have fallen off the planet.  So what do I make of this soul yearning that I have for him?  My soul knows he is my twin as certain as I know that there is a God or that the sun will rise in the East tomorrow. I know I sound like I’m contradicting myself given what I’ve written above, but just look at it as the sound of one hand clapping.


Nervousness. — I am nervous what will happen in my 3D life in the days to come.  My mom’s birthday party is coming up and that might mean another ambush in public by my family which I can’t evade really because it’s going to be held at our house which I don’t really know if it will be my soon-former-residence.  I’m just taking my “courage shot” from the thought that Spirit will have my back, however this turns out.  Pure trust because I have nothing else to rely on.  I just hope my prayers are heard.

On the other hand, I just found out (by accident, again because my mom mistakenly messaged my sister in a group chat with my sister’s other friends) — that my sister has a criminal case.  She’s a nurse in Halifax.  I’m guessing something along the lines of Criminal Negligence, but the fact that my sister wouldn’t give details of it even to my mom makes me think it might be something more.

What is even more worrisome is that she told my mom that she’ll tell them the entire story “when they come to Canada” which is implying that it could be very soon, which, of course, will fuck up my balance again. And it’s times like these that I wished I could have just not volunteered  for this mission.


Reiki Attunements — On the other hand, I am seriously looking forward to being attuned in Usui Reiki, Ascension Reiki and Reiju Reiki! I think it will be another avenue to use and share my divine gifts. I really do want to help other people and pets heal and do life coaching.  I’ve already been healing others when I can but it is an unstructured sort of pranic healing with the Divine Rays and the Healing Codes. With that, you have to direct the energy.  Anyway, I’m pretty excited about that.

So that’s the report for tonight, folks.  Hope I have better news in the next few days. Namaste.




Drama in the Twin Flame Community


There’s been a bit of commotion in the Twin Flame community the past couple of days. But because I’ve made myself the self-appointed scribe to jot this down for those who might have missed it or who seem confused, let me lead you through what happened.

First, there was a movement spurred by Shamama Hunting Owl encouraging Twin Flames to come out with the hashtag #iamatwinflame and to keep it on their FBs for at least 24 hours.

Second, various reactions to this from various personalities on YouTube.  The latest of this was Scott & Cici’s pronouncement (TwinFlameUnion1111) in their video where they said there were “Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing”.  Well, much more was said, but the gist of it was that since YouTube doesn’t regulate who can come out in videos, there are those who claim and pose as Twin Flame teachers who may not even be necessarily twins, and who may not be acting for your highest good.  Use your own intuition and discernment in figuring out who these people are.

Thirda lot of feathers got ruffled and Mystic Moon Woman came out with her response through this video: Twin Flame Weekly Reading/ plus some of my thoughts on a certain show. 🙂 In a nutshell, she was raging mad at the pronouncement of Scott & Cici, claimed that there were many dark energies in YouTube (presumably, this is the category she was lumping Scott & Cici in), and then proceeded to exalt the benefits of finding like-minded people on Facebook who were going through the same journey.

Fourth, although not directly related to the tiff above but on a tangent, I found this video from Brandie Nichole sharing her experience with It didn’t contain glowing reviews, let me tell you that, but more on that later.


I’ve exercised self-restraint in joining the fray although I’ve joined that FB community “Consiousness1111” which was sort of difficult to find because — gerddamit, it was spelled wrong! It may just be the grammar nazi in me, but if someone doesn’t take due care in looking up the spelling of something before creating a group/movement, there are some credibility issues there, right?

Anyway, I joined, just the same, and after reading stuff, I still didn’t join in on the conversation. The bandwagon is tricky thing and I feel that some folks are touting on the twin flame badge as an ego extension, which it shouldn’t be. You cannot effectively do your work as a twin via hashtag. Sure, it gives you companions on your journey, but most of the soul lessons you learn on this journey, you learn in solitude because you have no one else to rely on other than Your Higher Self (a.k.a. the God in us).

And I do agree with Scott & Cici that you have to use your own discernment when it comes to Twin Flame teachers and those who claim to be twins.  I’ve called out a twin flame teacher or two on YouTube especially when I felt that they were misguided for the moment.  Even with, I got a red flag.  That video I found calling her out just confirmed my hunch.

What happened with me was that I sent her an email after a video in which she was faltering about the TF journey.  It was supportive and I thought it would help.  Instead, in her next video, instead of being grateful for the support, she ranted about how “essays were draining her energy”.  And I thought to myself, what an ungrateful fuck! But I let it go because I didn’t want to simmer in that negative energy.

Anyway, I don’t even know why these two camps are dishing it out.  Personally, I didn’t even subscribe to Scott & Cici’s channel because I didn’t like the format of how they delivered their teachings, but that’s just me.  And while I find Mystic Moon Woman’s readings very good, those that have jumped on the bandwagon with her, not so much.  Maybe they’ll get better with time; I don’t know. At this point, it’s always when the student is ready, the teacher will appear and there’s always the cautionary tale of the blind leading the blind.  One just needs to sift through the crap.  That’s when discernment and the Higher Self comes in.

Empty Vessel


I’ve been mulling about how the energies of the lunar eclipse last night affected me.  After almost an entire week of self-isolation, purging, healing, I feel like an empty vessel just waiting to be filled.

This is an energy I haven’t felt before.  I know I’ve had previous blog posts about surrendering, but I don’t think it was authentic at all.  Now that I know what this feels like, in retrospect, it seemed that the so-called “surrendering” I felt before was more like an ultimatum for the Universe.

I feel “floaty”, if that’s even a word.  For the past two days, I’ve been seeing lights.  It wasn’t because I was hungry or lacked sleep — I’ve been resting lots — but it’s like when you stare at a lamp for a good five minutes and then when you stare at something else, the image of the lights are still there.  Except in this case, I haven’t been staring at lights.  They’re just there.  Sometimes, I’ve even had to hold my wrist and arms just to check if I’m still physically there.  What the hey, am I ascending?

I feel empty but I feel good.  It’s like my masculine energy took a step back and a soft feminine energy took over.  It’s like a quiet acquiescence and deference to spirit.  It’s “Okay.”

He’s not here yet?  Okay.

He’s still got some purging to do?  Okay.

He’s still mourning the loss and heartbreak from his karmic?  Okay.

I don’t love him any less. I just hung an “Out of Order” sign on my misery switch.  So, no, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do this weekend.  If this is how “meditation” is manifesting in me — being still to the barest minimum — then so be it.

It’s okay.



Shoulda Woulda Coulda


I need to write this out because it’s been bugging me. I’ve been feeling empty and drained lately.  Even if the panic seems gone and a dreaded sense of acceptance of what will be has dawned on me, it’s brought up some new questions for me to mull over.

I’ve been on this quest for love for more than 25 years, and I can’t help but think that if I was going to get to this point anyway where my worries concern my survival and physical well-being, the most mundane sort, then why did I even bother to go on this journey anyway?

All my big decisions thus far were made because of love. I am who I am now, where I am now because I have always chosen love, but it really hasn’t gotten me anywhere except to a place where I know love exists despite all the other worldly stuff we have to deal with, which includes existing without a physical partner while hanging onto the higher intangible aspects of love.

What if I had focused instead on wealth generation?  Then I probably would have been financially set now and not be worrying about driving an old beat up car, having the security of not being evicted from where I live, taking care of my furkids, not being able to travel with peace of mind that I could finance myself on it, and all those other worries that I have now.  I probably wouldn’t even mind my parents’ migration since, what the hey, I’m going to be okay anyway.  I wouldn’t mind being single because I’d have enough resources to amuse myself anyway.

And you know why I’ve been seriously thinking those thoughts? Because here I am, after having gone through highs and lows — mostly lows — after almost two decades, and I’m being told that union is really being in union with oneself, and that although physical union with one’s twin is possible, it is rare. And I’m going, so this is it, huh?  It’s like entering a contest where it’s advertised that the winners get this big cardboard check with millions of dollars written on it, going through everything, actually winning it and then learning the prize is literally the big cardboard description of a check and not the actual money. And you go, ummm, this is it? ummm… okay, thank you.

So that’s where I am now.