I was going to write about how things are topsy turvy now when I saw a post by Illumined Souls (formerly Starsoul Tarot) that said that there was an influx of light now and we are being plagued by ascension symptoms, triggers and anything else; that where we are in the ascension process will dictate the timing of union with our TF.
I hope that certainly explains it. What i’m going through right now feels like a final examination of sorts. I’m almost having second thoughts about going to the US because all the uncertainty is so emotionally taxing. I’ve managed to get my PTSD about my “Series of Unfortunate Events” while I was there under control and this seems to be a time loop. Sort of going back in time (but in the future) to re-do some things over.
Well, for one thing, I don’t think this will be a sexual nirvana for me this time around. I don’t even know who I’ll get to hang out with. Another thing is that the entire time with dad around is like me walking straight into an ambush that I already know about beforehand. And it’s making me antsy like nothing else. That’s apart from not knowing if I will be allowed in the country in the first place. Or being stuck in an airport with no-smoking allowed.
I pulled some cards for myself and on the top row was Ten of Swords (Ruin), Nine of Swords (Cruelty) and Eight of Swords (Interference). These are the things that I am being given the opportunity to transmute right now. There are good things in store for me if I do pass this test.
But am I ready? Emotionally, I feel very “at sea” about it all. Initially, I did want to enjoy it but it seems as though everyone has plans except for me. Which brings up my “being left behind” drama all over again and all those existentialist questions. Is this what my life is going to be like? Trying to tag along with everybody because I don’t have my own group or my own plans? That’s getting kind of old. Even if I ultimately know why I’m here.
And all I really want to do is get Maximus’ braces and maybe have some fun on the side. I paid an awful lot for that ticket.
What’s stressing me out more is the message in Illumined Souls’ post — “Just go and live your life.” What kind of life am I living out? I help folks on my mission but the rest of the people around me don’t know what I do and don’t even understand why I’m doing it. My family is part of the Ancestral Line challenge that I undertook in this incarnation (which I am almost always regretting). I mean, couldn’t I have picked something relatively easier? I should take notes for my next incarnation, but I think I’m done.
Nothing really matters, so I’ll just go with the flow. Or, if you want to make that a pun, “go with the flaw”.