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Is Ignorance Bliss?


Perhaps I was already asking all these questions during my dream state and it just slipped into my consciousness as I was waking up.  I don’t know, but I woke up with all these questions about the twin flame journey, and an ongoing debate in my head with me belonging to both the pros and cons, trying to find an answer.

I don’t think I’ll get to answer all of them in this post, but in the spirit of finding the answers “within me”, let’s just see where this goes.

My jump-off question was this:  Would I have been better off not knowing that I was in a twin flame relationship with M?

To make a long story short, I started out not knowing anything about twin flames.  In fact, despite being a patron of destiny advisers long before knowing about my soul profile, the extent of what I would ask was is if he were my soul mate.

That would pose several problems on its own if it was the Sphinx I was asking.  For one thing, it was the wrong question based on the wrong premise.  It’s like trying to find something on Google with the wrong search term and without something that says “related searches”.

Let’s say, as Spirit has answered me many times before, he is my TF, then the Sphinx would answer “No”, and it would be correct.  But since one has to ask the right question before answers are offered, you’re going to have to go on this journey to just know what question to ask, assuming you didn’t swallow that answer lock, stock and barrel.

In my consummate search for understanding the reason for my heartbreak, that’s just what I did.  Why? Why?? WHY???? Why isn’t he my soul mate? And the short answer I got out of that was, “Because he’s your twin, dummy.” From there, a whole new journey began which made me more spiritually aware and took me to other dimensions than this.

But what if I stopped at that point?  Okay, so it’s not going to happen, gnash your teeth, tear your hair out, weep until morning until you’ve gotten it out of your system then move on. And I probably would have gotten to know somebody new, put myself out there more, explored physical love more, and gotten on with my life and just lived to be happy in the moment. In fact, that was my life paradigm before.  Carefree. Happy. Getting into crazy situations because I had the Fool energy with me and the chutzpah to forge ahead not knowing what lay before me.  That’s why my friends have put those experiences in a category of its own: Things that could only happen to Butterkate.

As Yael on this twin flame journey, things and experiences have been more quiet, subtle and inward. A lot of those craziness doesn’t resonate with me anymore and, yes, there is more wisdom and knowing — about what this TF journey will entail, the mission, how physical union plays into that. But if you compare my general energetic state then and now, now, aside from rare and intermittent moments of bliss and communion, I’m mostly miserable and lonely in my separation from my twin, anxious about whether or not we’ll come into physical union, then almost always doubling back to ask if I’d be better off just forgetting about it and going with someone who might actually return my affections.

Come to think about it, it would seem that I was happier then when I didn’t know.  Because now that I do, where do I go from here?  There is no “Okay, moving on.  Next!” There’s only this spinster energy surrounding me, and if a part of my life mission was to fully embody the divine feminine, it seems like I just went from Maiden to Crone in the blink of an eye.

And now, majority of the twin flame teachers are telling us to forget. Live in the moment! Stop pining for your twin or you will miss the blessings and opportunities that are there for the taking.

What in fuckssakes are you talking about now? After going through the entire process of remembering that I am a twin, on a mission on earth, after all that purging, the forgiving, the healing, after finally realizing and reconciling my life experiences thus far and why I had to go through them, now, you’re telling me to forget? What was the freaking point of all this then?

The answer to that which I’ve gotten thus far is that it has to be that way because we’re embodying the God-energy throughout this ascension process.  Alpha and Omega.  The first and the last.  Everything and nothing.  Male and female.  Remembering and forgetting. And everything in between with a vague promise of physical union with one’s twin just to keep things spicy or make us hanker after a goal during our physical embodiment here on earth.  For what would you really want if you have everything already?  Nothing.

It’s the Divine Dichotomy of it all.  And I was prompted this answer by Spirit after I had occasion to come across my award-winning paper back in my law school days  which spoke of the Divine Dichotomy in the Religion Clauses. The conclusion of that paper was that even if the separation of church and state was established (there), it was not strictly practiced because people, at least most of them, will always believe that God necessarily exists in our secular lives (not there).

Same thing in our twin flame relationships, especially for those who remain in separation.  From a 5D perspective, there is union and a merge (there), even if you continue to be apart in 3D (not there). It’s the same thing in 3D only reversed — again, a mirror image.  A continuing cycle of there and not theread infinitum, like the twin flame infinity symbol.

But to get the wheels of creation spinning, so to speak, while in this God-energy, it cannot remain stagnant.  The energy must likewise mimic the push-pull, there-not there dynamic of creation. This is also the reason behind the “energy shift” “role reversals” of twins that is happening currently.  We cannot remain in solely one energetic state (either there or not there, either runner or chaser, either just feminine or masculine) because it hampers movement and synergy.

I don’t really know how best to explain this because a few minutes ago, I also didn’t know that I would be talking about this.  It’s just coming to me now, and quite clearly too.

I think the best analogy I can come up with is the movie, Inception.  It’s like a dream within a dream within a dream, except that you replace the word “dream” with the “infinity symbol” of twin flames, but imagine energy running through it. For twins, despite being one soul in two bodies, we each have one of this inside of us.  Think of a embryo splitting into two, or even atoms.

Now, each twin has to activate that infinity symbol within us to make it move.  How? Again, the God-energy of there-not there, push-pull, masculine-feminine. This is why we are told to have balance within us, to balance both masculine and feminine aspects, otherwise, that little symbol within you will remain static. It won’t move. The God-energy in that microscopic realm (I only call it that in the context to the immensity of the Universe) cannot be fully embodied within you if it is stagnant and the energy doesn’t flow.

Because we (one of the twins) are in the peculiar position of just being half of whole, this is kind of a golf handicap we were given upon emarking our journey with the humans.  Sort of like an extra challenge. We each hold a key and a lock to the other, and like a video game, you get to the next level only when you’ve unlocked both.  And as I said before, the way to unlock is to get that infinite God-energy moving.  When both twins are vibrating at the same frequency, voila!, you may proceed to the next level.

Here’s where it gets tricky.  We’re virtually deaf, dumb, and blind when it comes to our other divine half’s progress on their own.  I think this is what the Eight of Swords has been telling me all this time. Not so much that I feel bound and can’t do anything, but a reminder that this is part of the golf handicapso to speak. It’s been designed that way because, yes, like so many other teachers have been saying, you have to TRUST your twin.  Trust that he/she will be able to activate that infinity symbol within them on their own. This is where TIME becomes a challenge in 3D because we are so immersed in that unit of measure during our temporary sojourn here on earth in this finite lifetime.

I’m not going to expound on that more because the level of frustration when the construct of TIME is added to this twin flame equation is one that is familiar to most of us.  I mean, what the heck, this is the dimension we’re living in by default, this is what we’re conscious of, what we tangibly sense and perceive, plus the fact that our days are numbered in this embodiment so pressure, right?

Anyway, back to my Inception analogy.  To make a long story short, it’s spin, unlock, merge/unite, emanate that God-energy which includes but is not necessarily limited to Unconditional Lovehelp the planet ascend. That’s really it, in a nutshell.  Time is the fucker.

I’m going to end this because I don’t feel guided by spirit anymore (they just left) and my ADHD kicked in.  But I think my question — what’s the point of all this? — was answered.  According to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, to be able to gauge how one point is relative to the other, one must know where the points are.  One cannot create a triangle with just two points, and since part of the twin flame mission is to be aware of and emanate a third point — the God-energy — we necessarily had to know where we are in that map first.

And so, this much we know:

  1.  We know we are twins;
  2. We know what we have to create, a third energy – the God-energy;
  3. We have the handicap of not knowing how much progress our twin is making in creating the God-energy on his own;
  4. We know that the energy within us cannot remain stagnant so we must keep the wheels of creating churning, that infinity symbol spinning until such time that our twin catches up gets on the right frequency; and, most importantly,
  5. Since we know who we are and who we are to triangulate with in creating that third energy, wherever that dynamic energy within us takes us in the meantime, when the “call to physical union” comes, we will know not only where to go or who to be with, but more importantly, keeping our twin flame mission in mind which is bigger than either twin, we will know what to choose.


So that’s the difference between then and now.  It’s like the twin flame journey was a prerequisite course to get a “homing device”, to know where to go and what to do when the time comes.

I just wish that someone had explained this to me like this earlier, then much more time would have been spent making happy instead of being anxious. But I think one has to get to this point of knowing on his/her own and make peace with it before one can go out into the world for new adventures, confident that there will be a homing device to “alert” us when it is time to physically come home to our twin.

There is a CAVEAT though, which I am compelled to mention at this point — if you have come to this point in your journey. In all your “meantime” adventures, try your best not to incur karma which includes getting involved in karmic relationships.  

Why?  First of all, it’s unfair to the human unaware of your twin flame journey/mission.  Second, you can only get to this stage if you’ve already cleared most of your karma, so incurring more karma will just set you and your union back.

That’s all I have on that for now.  Aside from “erotic friendships” coming to mind, I still have no idea how to navigate that one now that the rules are pretty clear.  I just feel that after writing all that that a burden has been lifted off me, like I’ve been given a license to enjoy myself in this “meantime” journey. It’s like I can “forget” without guilt because there is a knowing that I will be “made to remember” when the time comes and that it’s supposed to be like this anyway – remembering and forgetting, having everything and nothing, knowing and not knowing, being together and being apart, push-pull, push-pull in a constant motion.

So that, my dearest friends, is the lesson of the day.  Namaste.




The Hold Out


I got a reading today.  Although my situation is a whole lot rocky especially on the domestic front, the cards (and my reader’s guides) are advising me to hold on because the storm will pass and the sun will come out soon.

Some highlights of my reading:

My now ex-friend JJ’s business and love life will reach Tower status if she doesn’t make things right with me.

Apparently, she thinks that I’m causing the havoc in her life right now and is distancing herself from me.  It’s the wrong way round.  The reason that nothing seems to come to fruition with her is because despite helping her out and showing her kindness and generosity of spirit, she didn’t treat me well.  Well, that’s actually a euphemism.  Betrayed would be the proper word.  Then again, I forgave her (three times now, by my count) and yet, she didn’t make good on those second chances.

Oddly enough, she’s one of the few people who know my divine aspect as dispenser of divine justice.  So that’s disappointing.  Neither my reader (who also knows her) nor I can give her a heads up too because this is a test that she has to figure out and pass by herself, not because she was coached.  I’ll be sad to lose a friend.  But again, I’m not a doormat.  If she doesn’t make amends, the trend will continue, and she’ll have no one to blame but herself and her foolish pride.

Better to stay under the radar for now where my parents are concerned.

I asked if I could just give them money next month, but the advise was to give some now otherwise, they’ll throw a shit storm by August when other things in my life are going well for me.

When I asked whether or not it was safe to surface, the cards said not yet.  It would be better if I didn’t talk to them first until I got myself properly situated with M.  That’s assuming, of course, that M would come in time, and I hope he does because too long of a hold out would just make me seem like a universal asshole.

My relationship with my dad will never be repaired.  My mom will continue to be user-friendly.  They will keep asking for money and emotionally blackmail me into giving it.

The Secret Wedding

So the advice was that when M and I get our act together and decide to get married, that I shouldn’t tell them because they will attempt to sabotage it.  I can only tell them when it’s a done deal.  I’ll have to explain to M my circumstances and he will understand and will want to take me away from my own private hell here.

I can’t introduce him to my family either because it will sour our beginning.  Not even my sisters.  My friends, yes, but not my immediate family because all of them have their own malevolent and resentful agenda against me.  The advise was to give us time to get used to each other and get settled down, before we let in the barbarian horde into our lives.

I’m going to be moving out first before the wedding so I don’t know how to keep that under wraps.  In any case, I don’t think it will be a problem once I announce it, especially if I preface it with the fact that they’ve been telling me to get my own place since they will be selling the house soon, and that here I am, finally complying with their dearest hearts’ wishes.

Kind of a very different scenario from my resort destination wedding that was prophesied at first, but I have to roll with the punches.  The “storm” I’m going through was foretold by my other reader in my birthday reading when she said that I’d have to face some challenges when I turn 40.  Yeah, this is probably it.

They’ll all be sorry.

I don’t say that in a vengeful sort of way, but I mean, they’ll literally say sorry and try to make amends to me.  M will be sorry that he’s strayed the path and delayed so many times, given in to temptation and all that, but from the time he arrives, he will make up for it.  That’s also the reason why he hasn’t spoken to me — he’s downing the cocktail of shame with a shot of remorse.

My dad will be sorry and will try to make amends, but only because he wants money, and to that, I say fuck him.  My mom will be sorry and try to be congenial but only because of money too.  The advise was to give them what they ask just so they get off my back for a while.

The Sun is Coming

Actually, my first and determining spread was really good.  I got the Sun card for the final outcome.  Right now though, I feel pained and desolate because, until it happens, I really don’t know for sure if I’m looking forward to something, but the cards say that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Even when I read my own cards, that’s what it says.

So right now, my best option is to keep flying low under the radar, keep my cards close to my chest, and hold out for as long as I can, bending without breaking, like a bamboo in the wind.

God help me.  My higher self, spiritual team, and the angels, archangels, and the ascended masters too.