Tag Archives: energy

Is Ignorance Bliss?


Perhaps I was already asking all these questions during my dream state and it just slipped into my consciousness as I was waking up.  I don’t know, but I woke up with all these questions about the twin flame journey, and an ongoing debate in my head with me belonging to both the pros and cons, trying to find an answer.

I don’t think I’ll get to answer all of them in this post, but in the spirit of finding the answers “within me”, let’s just see where this goes.

My jump-off question was this:  Would I have been better off not knowing that I was in a twin flame relationship with M?

To make a long story short, I started out not knowing anything about twin flames.  In fact, despite being a patron of destiny advisers long before knowing about my soul profile, the extent of what I would ask was is if he were my soul mate.

That would pose several problems on its own if it was the Sphinx I was asking.  For one thing, it was the wrong question based on the wrong premise.  It’s like trying to find something on Google with the wrong search term and without something that says “related searches”.

Let’s say, as Spirit has answered me many times before, he is my TF, then the Sphinx would answer “No”, and it would be correct.  But since one has to ask the right question before answers are offered, you’re going to have to go on this journey to just know what question to ask, assuming you didn’t swallow that answer lock, stock and barrel.

In my consummate search for understanding the reason for my heartbreak, that’s just what I did.  Why? Why?? WHY???? Why isn’t he my soul mate? And the short answer I got out of that was, “Because he’s your twin, dummy.” From there, a whole new journey began which made me more spiritually aware and took me to other dimensions than this.

But what if I stopped at that point?  Okay, so it’s not going to happen, gnash your teeth, tear your hair out, weep until morning until you’ve gotten it out of your system then move on. And I probably would have gotten to know somebody new, put myself out there more, explored physical love more, and gotten on with my life and just lived to be happy in the moment. In fact, that was my life paradigm before.  Carefree. Happy. Getting into crazy situations because I had the Fool energy with me and the chutzpah to forge ahead not knowing what lay before me.  That’s why my friends have put those experiences in a category of its own: Things that could only happen to Butterkate.

As Yael on this twin flame journey, things and experiences have been more quiet, subtle and inward. A lot of those craziness doesn’t resonate with me anymore and, yes, there is more wisdom and knowing — about what this TF journey will entail, the mission, how physical union plays into that. But if you compare my general energetic state then and now, now, aside from rare and intermittent moments of bliss and communion, I’m mostly miserable and lonely in my separation from my twin, anxious about whether or not we’ll come into physical union, then almost always doubling back to ask if I’d be better off just forgetting about it and going with someone who might actually return my affections.

Come to think about it, it would seem that I was happier then when I didn’t know.  Because now that I do, where do I go from here?  There is no “Okay, moving on.  Next!” There’s only this spinster energy surrounding me, and if a part of my life mission was to fully embody the divine feminine, it seems like I just went from Maiden to Crone in the blink of an eye.

And now, majority of the twin flame teachers are telling us to forget. Live in the moment! Stop pining for your twin or you will miss the blessings and opportunities that are there for the taking.

What in fuckssakes are you talking about now? After going through the entire process of remembering that I am a twin, on a mission on earth, after all that purging, the forgiving, the healing, after finally realizing and reconciling my life experiences thus far and why I had to go through them, now, you’re telling me to forget? What was the freaking point of all this then?

The answer to that which I’ve gotten thus far is that it has to be that way because we’re embodying the God-energy throughout this ascension process.  Alpha and Omega.  The first and the last.  Everything and nothing.  Male and female.  Remembering and forgetting. And everything in between with a vague promise of physical union with one’s twin just to keep things spicy or make us hanker after a goal during our physical embodiment here on earth.  For what would you really want if you have everything already?  Nothing.

It’s the Divine Dichotomy of it all.  And I was prompted this answer by Spirit after I had occasion to come across my award-winning paper back in my law school days  which spoke of the Divine Dichotomy in the Religion Clauses. The conclusion of that paper was that even if the separation of church and state was established (there), it was not strictly practiced because people, at least most of them, will always believe that God necessarily exists in our secular lives (not there).

Same thing in our twin flame relationships, especially for those who remain in separation.  From a 5D perspective, there is union and a merge (there), even if you continue to be apart in 3D (not there). It’s the same thing in 3D only reversed — again, a mirror image.  A continuing cycle of there and not theread infinitum, like the twin flame infinity symbol.

But to get the wheels of creation spinning, so to speak, while in this God-energy, it cannot remain stagnant.  The energy must likewise mimic the push-pull, there-not there dynamic of creation. This is also the reason behind the “energy shift” “role reversals” of twins that is happening currently.  We cannot remain in solely one energetic state (either there or not there, either runner or chaser, either just feminine or masculine) because it hampers movement and synergy.

I don’t really know how best to explain this because a few minutes ago, I also didn’t know that I would be talking about this.  It’s just coming to me now, and quite clearly too.

I think the best analogy I can come up with is the movie, Inception.  It’s like a dream within a dream within a dream, except that you replace the word “dream” with the “infinity symbol” of twin flames, but imagine energy running through it. For twins, despite being one soul in two bodies, we each have one of this inside of us.  Think of a embryo splitting into two, or even atoms.

Now, each twin has to activate that infinity symbol within us to make it move.  How? Again, the God-energy of there-not there, push-pull, masculine-feminine. This is why we are told to have balance within us, to balance both masculine and feminine aspects, otherwise, that little symbol within you will remain static. It won’t move. The God-energy in that microscopic realm (I only call it that in the context to the immensity of the Universe) cannot be fully embodied within you if it is stagnant and the energy doesn’t flow.

Because we (one of the twins) are in the peculiar position of just being half of whole, this is kind of a golf handicap we were given upon emarking our journey with the humans.  Sort of like an extra challenge. We each hold a key and a lock to the other, and like a video game, you get to the next level only when you’ve unlocked both.  And as I said before, the way to unlock is to get that infinite God-energy moving.  When both twins are vibrating at the same frequency, voila!, you may proceed to the next level.

Here’s where it gets tricky.  We’re virtually deaf, dumb, and blind when it comes to our other divine half’s progress on their own.  I think this is what the Eight of Swords has been telling me all this time. Not so much that I feel bound and can’t do anything, but a reminder that this is part of the golf handicapso to speak. It’s been designed that way because, yes, like so many other teachers have been saying, you have to TRUST your twin.  Trust that he/she will be able to activate that infinity symbol within them on their own. This is where TIME becomes a challenge in 3D because we are so immersed in that unit of measure during our temporary sojourn here on earth in this finite lifetime.

I’m not going to expound on that more because the level of frustration when the construct of TIME is added to this twin flame equation is one that is familiar to most of us.  I mean, what the heck, this is the dimension we’re living in by default, this is what we’re conscious of, what we tangibly sense and perceive, plus the fact that our days are numbered in this embodiment so pressure, right?

Anyway, back to my Inception analogy.  To make a long story short, it’s spin, unlock, merge/unite, emanate that God-energy which includes but is not necessarily limited to Unconditional Lovehelp the planet ascend. That’s really it, in a nutshell.  Time is the fucker.

I’m going to end this because I don’t feel guided by spirit anymore (they just left) and my ADHD kicked in.  But I think my question — what’s the point of all this? — was answered.  According to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, to be able to gauge how one point is relative to the other, one must know where the points are.  One cannot create a triangle with just two points, and since part of the twin flame mission is to be aware of and emanate a third point — the God-energy — we necessarily had to know where we are in that map first.

And so, this much we know:

  1.  We know we are twins;
  2. We know what we have to create, a third energy – the God-energy;
  3. We have the handicap of not knowing how much progress our twin is making in creating the God-energy on his own;
  4. We know that the energy within us cannot remain stagnant so we must keep the wheels of creating churning, that infinity symbol spinning until such time that our twin catches up gets on the right frequency; and, most importantly,
  5. Since we know who we are and who we are to triangulate with in creating that third energy, wherever that dynamic energy within us takes us in the meantime, when the “call to physical union” comes, we will know not only where to go or who to be with, but more importantly, keeping our twin flame mission in mind which is bigger than either twin, we will know what to choose.


So that’s the difference between then and now.  It’s like the twin flame journey was a prerequisite course to get a “homing device”, to know where to go and what to do when the time comes.

I just wish that someone had explained this to me like this earlier, then much more time would have been spent making happy instead of being anxious. But I think one has to get to this point of knowing on his/her own and make peace with it before one can go out into the world for new adventures, confident that there will be a homing device to “alert” us when it is time to physically come home to our twin.

There is a CAVEAT though, which I am compelled to mention at this point — if you have come to this point in your journey. In all your “meantime” adventures, try your best not to incur karma which includes getting involved in karmic relationships.  

Why?  First of all, it’s unfair to the human unaware of your twin flame journey/mission.  Second, you can only get to this stage if you’ve already cleared most of your karma, so incurring more karma will just set you and your union back.

That’s all I have on that for now.  Aside from “erotic friendships” coming to mind, I still have no idea how to navigate that one now that the rules are pretty clear.  I just feel that after writing all that that a burden has been lifted off me, like I’ve been given a license to enjoy myself in this “meantime” journey. It’s like I can “forget” without guilt because there is a knowing that I will be “made to remember” when the time comes and that it’s supposed to be like this anyway – remembering and forgetting, having everything and nothing, knowing and not knowing, being together and being apart, push-pull, push-pull in a constant motion.

So that, my dearest friends, is the lesson of the day.  Namaste.




Rebel Hearts


Rebel Heart by Britnoy 2.png

Last night was the first time Queen M had a concert in Manila.  Of course, I wanted to go, but I neither had company nor the money to pay for concert tickets, so I just pretended that it was like any other ordinary day.

Except that my social media newsfeeds were filled with posts about it.

Just imagine, almost $1,500 for a ticket up front.  That’s almost one month’s rent, one month’s salary for some folks, and enough food for a month for a family of four.

So trusting in the power of the internet, I checked to see if there were any footages of the concert I could watch.  And, lo and behold, someone who attended the Rebel Heart concert in Montreal caught the entire show on video.  And that’s what I watched last night.  It was everything except, perhaps, the energy of the crowd, and a lighter wallet on my part.  And besides, if ever I did go, I would have only afforded something in the upper box, far, far from the Queen herself.  So, it turns out, it was even better.  The energy of the crowd, I didn’t miss too much because I’m an empath, and through the video, I might as well have been there.  And since it’s a big concert tour, tweaks were very minor.  Same staging, script, costumes, with just a little change in ad libs to address the audience at the time.

Thank you, Universe. 🙂

There’s one song in the Rebel Heart album that I fell absolutely in love with — Ghost Town.  And because my internet angels are super efficient, I can now play it on repeat on YouTube, courtesy of a Chrome app.

Queen M

In other news, I didn’t get the job I was applying for.  It was a VP position in some big company that promised a big paycheck and more than ample benefits.  Actually, I wasn’t even interviewed.  I had an appointment with the recruiter already, but she wrote last night to tell me that the client was already talking to some candidates they had worked with in the past and that a further search for candidates wasn’t needed any more.

Even if I was ambivalent about accepting the job (had it been offered to me), I was sort of looking forward to it solving my financial problems.  I’d be able to afford a new home, possibly a new car, monthly operational expenses, trips and all that — financial security.  Yes, I’d be leaving a job I love where I have time to do other things (like sleep, crossfit, write, etc.), but my thinking was that, if I’ll be going through life by myself, I’d have to get these things in order sans my putative husband.  I have ten years to make something of my situation until I turn 50, and I plan to make those ten years as productive as possible.

I don’t know why that window closed just as fast as it opened.  Maybe it’s part of the Divine Intergalactic Plan or that, somehow, it didn’t jive with what was planned for me.  I don’t know. I don’t want to give that lost opportunity any further thought.  Sometimes, things just happen.  Doesn’t mean there’s a reason behind it.  It’s probably some random shit being thrown at me.  Life’s like that, sometimes.  A “drive-by” by the Universe.

When I was in my 30s, I put my career on hold for love.  I thought, “As long as the heart is in the right place, everything will follow.”  Well, I didn’t know it then, but I had placed my heart in the worst possible places it could be.  And of course, nothing followed, but a string of disappointments and broken dreams.  Now, that it doesn’t seem that I’m waiting for anyone in particular who could pick me up from the trenches, I’ve got to watch my own back.


It would be nice to go through life with someone, to be with someone that you’re comfortable in your own skin with — in silence, in speech, in jovial mirth, in the heat of anger, or in the throes of passion.  Being an empath (or it’s possible that I may just have an overactive imagination), I already know what it’s like.  The whole deal of embracing another both in the banalities of everyday life, in private or in public.  And it feels exceedingly good… and happy, like sunshine on a perfect day or whenever I’m just chilling with my dog on a Sunday afternoon, taking our nap with a cool breeze coming from the window.  I already feel him, and yet, I also can’t.  There’s no hand I can hold.  There’s no shoulder I can lean my head on, no arms to embrace, no body I can wrap my legs around.  There’s just me watching groups of friends, couples, families, through a window from a distance.

So what is this telling me?  That I’m good by my lonesome because I’ve got the sensation and feeling of it down pat despite the abysmal manifestation of my dreams? That it doesn’t matter whether or not they come true because I already know what it feels like to have it?

My BATNA to that unrealized job opportunity was that I had a good stable job that I excelled in, in an office I was comfortable at.  That’s why it wasn’t so much of a disappointment when that flew out the window.  I was already good.  So, by analogy, is “being alone and (almost) self-sufficient” my BATNA in life?

I don’t want to give up on my dreams.  There’s a husband and a loving family to be had, a dream house to be built, trips to take, a bank account with unlimited resources to access, and time to write and share the learnings of my soul to others who need it.  There are memories to be made so that at the end of my mission on this Earth, I can say I’ve lived a rich, full, and satisfying life, instead of just substantially complying and coming down to join the humans for the sake of.

I’m going to get there eventually.  Maybe it’s even sneaking up on me now already.  Who knows?



Transmuted Energy


I’ve been doing it again, discharging electric devices within my vicinity.  It may have something to do with the impending storm.  There’s a big typhoon headed in my country (International name: Koppu) and I think it has something to do with it.

I’ve blown out two lightbulbs in the past three days.

Today, I went to a wedding.  Since that would take the whole day out of the house, I made sure that all my gadgets and my power banks (two of them) were fully charged.  It wasn’t midday yet, and I hadn’t used any of them for lengthy amounts of time and yet, they had lost 90% of their juice.

Even my charging cables refused to cooperate and are now useless despite having bought them not two weeks ago.

Two nights before the wedding, I met up with a childhood friend whom I hadn’t seen in 30 years.  He migrated to the US and hadn’t been in the country for 17 years and in the two days that he spent here, he wanted to spend time to talk to me.

I didn’t find that odd.  I was wondering, however, what we would be talking about, if it would be small talk or what.  It turned out to be a very different and easy going conversation.

Turns out, he was on a spiritual path and he sort of needed to talk to me.  Talking about being a starseed, my soul contract, my missions in life, the Karmic Board, the Annunaki, and all related things just flowed.

I think this is connected as well.  I think this has something to do with the three people I was in conversation with, all at very challenging times in their lives.

I already know that I anchor higher frequencies.  I’m not quite sure what color ray I’m anchoring now, but I’ve gone from the violet flame, the silver platinum ray, the gold platinum ray, then became a sort of grey metallic ray, and then yellow which is just in its initial stages.

I know that since the higher frequencies I anchor often disrupt the lower frequencies of electronics that that’s what causes the Carrie-like episodes.  Same thing happens when emotions and/or stress runs high in me.

So my theory is that it goes both ways and that I am a channel.  Kind of like a vacuum for energy — whether higher or lower — and I’m like a channel that transmutes it when it passes through me.

The higher frequencies get diluted in a wave (my words, I don’t know what it’s actually called) that when I disperse my energy to everyone I meet, they can assimilate it.

The passive lower energies — those who are emotionally stressed but aren’t intentionally “passing it on” to others (e.g. lashing out), I sort of siphon it from them so that they get “better” energy.

Those who have lower energies but aren’t aware they have them, I bring it out in them.  Hence, my penchant for courting intrigue, envy and jealousy from others without provocation.

Those who have lower energies and recognize my ability and dump them on me in a hostile and aggressive manner, are repelled by me as equally aggressively.  They are not transmutations that I have willingly taken on.  They are violent, forced upon me, by greedy and abusive people who want their energy transmuted regardless of its effect on the vessel.  They can go fuck themselves.

It’s the energy frequencies of the non-living things that are the casualties in this electrical alchemy that I’ve been performing for so many years unwittingly.

But I think tonight, I’ve had a breakthrough in my spiritual role as an energy alchemist.

It’s also why I need lots of time by myself to recharge because all the energy passing through me to be transmuted is psychically and physically draining.

I think it’s about time I asked my guides for one of my other soul names.  I feel that I am ready to be given it.

Maybe it’s also why I cannot hold onto love energy.  (this is farfetched but I’m typing thoughts as they come into my head)  Love energy is very soft. However, it cannot survive in its 3D form in the face of higher frequencies.  Which just means that my love life is fucked.

I don’t want to think about it.  It’s too depressing.  I’ll reserve ruminating on that another night.