Tag Archives: broken heart

Universal Law of Detachment

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Call me silly, but I’m wearing the wedding dress I picked out for my civil wedding today.  I figured, if M doesn’t come at all or make contact with me, I may not get to wear it and the white will just yellow out from lack of use.  That would be such a shame since it’s such a pretty dress.

So I wore it anyway.  According to the cards, both mine and my reader’s, M was supposed to fix things with me last October, November, and even this month, December.  So, I waited, and still, nothing.  Even when I considered the possibility of another person coming into my life, the answer was still the same.  Wait for him.  He’s got things planned.  Everything will come as a surprise.

But still, nothing.

I’ve asked my Higher Self, my Spiritual Team, my angels, the Archangels, the Ascended Masters, and the members of the Karmic Board.

Our soul contracts have both been amended.  His soul fragments have been retrieved (by me — and yes, that was a tough one).  The earth-bound persons and spirits interfering with both our free will have been exorcised and banished (with no less than the silver platinum ray). And whenever I ask the spiritual authorities for confirmation of all these things, the answer is positive.  So, in that realm, everything seems to be in order for our union here in the Third Dimension.

As above, so below.

So where’s the block?

My reader now is on the verge of giving up on M because despite being accurate in most, if not all, readings that he gives me, all his predictions about M don’t manifest.  And, yes, he is starting to sound like a fool, and I, the bigger one, for believing in him.

In his readings and mine, everything seems to be ready.  It’s as if the “execute” button is just waiting to be pressed, and everything will start to unfold with surprising alacrity.

In my readings though — which I do trust since they jive with my reader’s cards even though I have no idea which cards to pick at the time — there are two “off ” cards which I do not wholly understand which repeatedly appear — the Devil and the Eight of Swords.  I couldn’t tell if they pertained to him or me.

And today, while I was searching for answers, I chanced upon an article that mentioned the Law of Universal Detachment.  I don’t think it’s just a random thing since from experience, I generally get the answers I seek.  I’m a firm believer in “Ask and you shall be given.”

I think that those two cards pertain to me.  That, as long as I am attached to the outcome, it won’t manifest.

The good news is I’m well on my way to getting detached.  This dress, for example.  I figured that if he does come and I do have to wear something for the wedding, then I’ll just have it cleaned.  Wearing it doesn’t mean that I won’t ever have the chance to wear it again.  Besides, as I do believe in “Prepared Redundancy”, I have a wedding dress back-up. So I don’t know if it really counts.

Another issue I have in letting go is the fear of getting someone else that is subpar from what I wished to create.  Say you asked for a red BMW.  Allowing the Universe to deliver, might mean ANY red car.  I suppose that’s okay if you asked for a car, any car, just as long as it’s red.  And I sort of feel that accepting whatever manifests is a subversion of my free will.

So, in the scenario that I’m creating with M, along with its associated perks, he would be the base ingredient.  The rest is preferable, but negotiable.

If I turn over the reigns to the Universe, and I have an order which is much more complicated than just your “usual burger and fries”, will It just give me any guy? A replica?  Premium quality? Is It expecting me to say, “Thank you.  This will do,” instead of “Excellent job! You got it right!”

I suppose the Universe doesn’t care as long as It delivers. Order a plate of scrambled eggs and even if you get them fried, it doesn’t matter because they’re still eggs. But you didn’t want fried eggs; you wanted them scrambled.

Does that make me a tough customer?  I suppose so.  I’ve always been that way.

So if the Universe is going to give me some version of M anyway, what’s with all the guidance with the cards?

At this point, does it even matter? (Yes, it does.) Well, I’m all out of options anyway as regards him.  The Universe has me beaten to a pulp, and I can’t really say that the journey was “enjoyable” to get to this point.  No.  Definitely not.  It was arduous, miserable, painstaking, and filled with loneliness and suffering.  And that’s still without the treacherous backstabbing of my family.

What’s more, giving up at this point feels like I’m giving up on the Universe’s awesome power to deliver. It’s like telling an actor, “Give me your best,” and when they deliver, you get to say, “Is that it? Oh, well, I guess that’s it.”

And I’m just hoping it will be the same as when I pronounced Maximus an utterly dumb dog when he turned out to be smarter than most.  (Seriously, he can pick out “platypus” from a range of toys laid out for him to pick from).

I suppose I want to be surprised, and awed, and amazed at how the Universe, with Its infinite power, can deliver something greater than I expected regardless of the fact that my standards were high in the first place.

I want to see how It works things out while respecting my free will, my preference in this lifetime, to be with him.

Anyway, I’ve taken my first step towards detachment.  Just a couple of minutes ago, I sent him a message wishing him well.  It doesn’t even say “delivered” like it used to before, so maybe he’s blocked me or, at the very least, giving the benefit of the doubt, it’s on “airplane mode”. Still, I shouldn’t care right?  The only thing I should care about is that I sent the message.  If we are indeed star-crossed lovers, then at some point in time, he’ll get to read it.  Whether it will be too late for the both of us then, what else can we do about it?

If he does get the message and chooses to ignore it because he’s got his own thing going for him, then, that’s it, I suppose.  Again, what else can be done?

If he chooses to respond and it’s good news for me, then well and good.

If he chooses to respond and the outcome is negative for me, then, I have no choice but to roll with the punches.

In any case, today was a good day to do this.  In my wedding dress; for a wedding that didn’t happen.

 

 

 

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The Message

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Been having a difficult time lately.  I was faced with a test wherein I had to pick between quick and easy hedonism or bask in uncertainty while waiting for my true love.  Even if I had asked for guidance from the cards what I should do or whether or not my path would change if I picked one or the other, no answers were forthcoming.  At best, the answer was that it was up to me.

Then I remembered, because I no longer had no relationships to which I was karmically bound, free will was my gift in this lifetime.  At least from the time that the Karmic Board absolved me from the ones I had before, but that dealt with family and not romantic relationships.

So I had to choose, and choose, I did.  I forewent the easy, thinking that my reward would just be waiting around the corner, ready for me to collect.  Still, no appearance; no whisper of his existence; nothing that would assure me that I was still alive in his consciousness as much as he was in mine.

I’d been going through the days dragging my heart which felt like it was anchored to the soles of my feet.  It was as if I’d run out of questions, but instead had an answer I didn’t like — that I would go through the rest of my days heartbroken, penniless and pining for the man I loved.  That wasn’t something to look forward to.

Yes, I had waited.  Yes, I tried to be patient as much as I could.  Yes, I forgave him.   But for what?  For him to be a no show?  I wasn’t doing this for credit in the afterlife.  I wanted to be united with him in the third dimension, not the fifth.  And if it wasn’t to be so, was I just waiting for death then?  Because life seemed bleak.  Anything else was a consolation prize.  And if we have free will in this lifetime, I used it and chose him.  There isn’t much free will to exercise when you don’t have much of a choice, do you?

It was driving on my way home that I got the message.  I found myself in traffic behind a car that had a plate number that began with WOE.  And I thought to myself, well, yeah, that’s pretty much what was in store for me.  But atop that was another part of the message — the brand of the car was “Mirage”.  And somehow, I felt it clearly that my guides were telling me that all my woe at the moment is merely a mirage.  That it was a divinely inspired message was also confirmed by the song playing on the radio at that particular moment — “Am I Wrong?”.

Still, I had my doubts what the message meant, so I decided to ask my guides another question while driving on my way home.  I asked what would happen to my relationship with “him”.

The words that popped up through the signs along the way were these:  Security, House, Express service, Civil service, “Bawal Magkasakit” (which means I should worry myself sick, in the vernacular).

I’m not sure if there was anything else because I was close to my destination already, and my mind shifted to the errands I had to run.

It was a message that gave me hope, and made my heart feel a little lighter, but until I actually hear from him what he wants from me, or if I hear from him at all, all these are merely delusions of a heartbroken person.

I sincerely hope redemption is forthcoming.

Fright Night

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I can’t remember the last time I had a nightmare.  Usually, the ones I’ve had are of me being chased or of me trying to escape something in time.

This one was just so upsetting; I’ve been crying practically the whole night.  The even stranger thing is that I already woke up from it, and usually, that cuts the dream sequence off, but when I went back to sleep, it continued, so I woke up bawling.

It was pretty simple.  I was out in a strange place with my sorority sister and her husband.  I don’t really even know why they had a role in this when we’re not that close in waking life.  I’ve only seen her husband in FB pictures posted.

Anyway, somehow, Maximus, my beloved dog (who was sleeping beside me at the time) slipped out.  I kept calling to him and tried to follow him, but I lost sight of him.  We kept looking for him — at this vet’s place, at a big gym — nada.

I was already upset by then.  My companions were trying to console me.  Then I remembered that his collar had a GPS on and I tracked him on my smartphone.  (this is fiction.  he doesn’t have one)  His location was nearby and my companions said that we’d go get him after our meeting or something.

His location kept on moving farther and farther away from us, and the last time I checked, it was sooo far away — only reachable via plane — and the end destination was a dumpsite.  Then the tracking dot wasn’t moving at all.

End dream.

It was horrible!!!  The first time, I woke up crying.  I saw Maximus on the bed beside me and even said, “I kept on looking for you but you were here all this time.”  The second time, my dream continued and he ended up being in the dumpsite.

What is even more upsetting is that I had asked my guides for guidance and to give me the answer in my dreams.  And this is what I got?  Or is it a hybrid answer that includes the situation during my wakefulness?

It’s either, he’s gone forever and he’s never coming back.  Trash your dreams about him.  OR.  You keep thinking and worrying that he’s gone, but he’s just really there just beside you.  He hasn’t gone anywhere.

I’m still too upset to contemplate what the real answer could be.  For now, I am hugging my dog as tightly as I can.  To lose him would be devastating.  I wouldn’t know how to pick myself up from that.  The last time that happened and I lost my first love of a dog, I had PTSD because of it.

I don’t think I have the strength to face the world today.

Sigh.