Author Archives: ButterKate

About ButterKate

Mistress of MuMu and Maximus ; highly complex Gemini; semi-jaded romantic; purveyor of inane and profound conversation; incessant chocoholic; caffeine-free; mad driver on the road; pheromone questor; control freak; neurotic disguised with calm outer appearance; sufficiently amiable when placid, terrifying when provoked; occasional ditz; sporadic provider of life altering insights; retired poet; provider of mischief as the need arises; patron of destiny advisers; truth-teller (yes, the emperor has no clothes).

My Tiger and TF Dream

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Just jotting this down in case it becomes relevant later on.

Before I went to bed last night, I asked my guides what was my purpose here on Earth, to let me know in my dreams and to help me remember it upon waking. Not quite sure if I remembered everything, but here goes.

Dream was in two parts. First part was me visiting my Tito and Tita’s house that, for some reason, wasn’t their real house (which is located in a posh village). This one was located somewhere in Cubao, a sprawling piece of property that was smack in the middle of a crowded neighborhood. In fact, getting there, you could see the white walls from the outside.

As I went in, there were lots of people in the house.  Not sure if there was a party because half of the house was a sort of hotel. Just that there were lots of people (kind of like when you go down for breakfast buffet in a hotel). There was cake too. There were several kinds of chocolate cake.

I knew I was there on account of work. (My tita is my boss in real life) And I happened upon the party and wanted to taste some of the cake. While I was still trying to observe what was  happening — and I don’t know which came first in the dream or what — my aunt and uncle came down, hurrying to get to an appointment. Some servants were following them. There were some big creatures that the servants were hanging onto with a leash and some leashes snapped and they roamed freely. It seemed everyone (including me) was disoriented at first, but relaxed when we realized that the big creatures were friendly dogs. But along with the dogs, some tigers, maybe two, came bounding down the staircase.  I was close by and the tiger came up to me. It roared ferociously and was around two inches away from my face. I was scared but I stood very still and stood my ground. There was another tiger present but I didn’t know what happened with that. All I know was that I wanted to still get a slice of chocolate cake but decided to forego it.

That’s when I woke up.

I went back to bed though and this next part I remember very little of. It seems as though I met with my TF. He wasn’t very friendly and he kept his distance. And I don’t know what happened, but I think I physically moved closer to him and that’s when he “remembered”, kind of like allowed himself to let his guard down. I just know he was wearing a peach shirt. And the last shot was us cuddling like the lovers in the painting of Gustav Klimt.

As for the answer to my question – it seems as though part of my purpose is to be an evolutionary catalyst for this family I was born in. The pair of tigers are my parents, kept under the metaphorical wing of my uncle. The dogs are the rest of my relatives on that side of the family, cousins included. The folks in the house are the other people they are trying to help. The cake would be the good times with the family which I (in my dream) would choose to forego. My TF was just there for support.

 

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Illumination

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I had a difficult time raising my vibration after that reading with JK. But, of course, the Universe was watching out for me, and one of those rare instances when I opened my FB, I saw that Starsoul Tarot (a.k.a. Hazel, Illumined Souls) had a special on, so I booked an appointment the day before M’s birthday.

I told her about the circumstances with my reading with JK and how I had felt that a lot of what she told me was off. I didn’t give too much information and certainly not the details of her reading because I didn’t want to convolute the messages that she got for me.

Anyway, the first thing she told me was that, as far as Soul Origin goes, she saw that I was surrounded by white light and that I was not obstructed by anything karmic. It was a day after the reading that she told me that her guides told me that I was an angelic.

This resonated because sometimes, when I ask to be connected to the Highest Aspect of Myself that I can connect with at the time, this is what I see.

She said that she got the Ace of Pentacles which meant that this was the start of a new cycle in my evolution. It’s a new beginning so I’ve got to let go of everything I’ve heard before that confused me.

She confirmed that M is my TF (as opposed to JK’s pronouncement that he was just my Soul Mate and that we would not get together in this lifetime and that my true TF was some guy with a limp) and all I needed to do was to wait for him to come into his truth. That’s why I couldn’t muster any enthusiasm to date anyone else even if I would like a companion for the future.

The effect of the energy of JK’s reading was to deflect me from this truth. Not one part of what she said to me was true. (can confirm! not even the bit about why I didn’t have security of home, or the role I play in my parents’ ascension.) All was just obstructing my truth.

She said that I had to view the value of the reading from a different perspective. I had to see it as a test to bring me back to the truth. It was a way for me to distinguish something that was outside who I really was and how it didn’t resonate. I guess, it was kind of like those game shows where you’re blindfolded and you have to guess what it is in front of you based on the texture or the taste. At least now, I know that whatever fiction JK trumped up, it was all fiction.

So, in essence, it was like I had contracted a spiritual illness because of JK’s reading. She’s pulling people out of their vibrations all over the place. She told me to believe in myself and to not let JK pull me out of my vibration. She said that I was very spiritual, very high-minded, very intuitive, and that I was creating abundance out of my true nature. JK probably sensed this and so there’s a bit of jealousy going on there.

As for M, she said that he’s not ready yet.  He’s also confused now because I’m confused. I have to get myself back on track so that he can also get back on track. I have to clear my energy field again and work extra hard to get my vibration back.

She said that JK was trying to rip twins apart. So I should get back to where I was before. I will come back stronger than ever and be able to put out high level information for others more than I used to do, and that I would become more powerful. I should create boundaries around myself to respect my true authentic self.

As for M’s birthday, I’m supposed to send a short message – nothing overwhelming. On a soul level, he’s waiting for that chance. He won’t reply right away but it’s going to be good for me in the long run.

Now, I did get that prompting about that birthday message from Spirit a few days or maybe even a week before. I had maintained silence all this time, giving him space, and I think the last message he got from me was almost two years ago, but that was long-winded and loaded.

She confirmed that, unlike JK’s gloom and doom prophecy, M and I were going to come together in this lifetime and incarnation. He’s not doing well right now. He’s not in his power emotionally because his wounding is still affecting him.

He’s still making a choice about his marriage. He’s not happy about where he is in life. He’s holding back from me because of the sadness that happened between us and he carries a lot of guilt and shame. He would like to reach out to me in some respects and that he thinks about me a lot in the physical sense. (meaning his 3D body is thinking of me, not in 5D). He thinks that I’m better off than him financially (not true – he’s just assuming this because I come from a political family and his culture says that those who come from political families also have wealth). So he thinks’ he’s not worthy of me and that I’m kind of out of his league.

He thinks about contacting me as well but thinks I’m out of reach (probably because of my last email which sounded like a definitive goodbye). So it’s best to send that birthday message.

He’s still in ego and sees things one-dimensionally. He still needs to make that decision to leave his karmic, but he’s moving on in the near future and leaving her.

She reiterated that he thinks a lot of me and that if he could turn back the clock 20 years, he would not have married B at all. Still, he’s keeping his feelings for me very close and locked up a bit.

Being my TF, he’s got a purpose beyond our physical reunion so I shouldn’t worry too much about the whys, wherefores, and when. They’re going to resolve themselves as soon as I resolve my inner conflict. He will come back to me.

And then she reminded me again to go ahead and send that birthday message.

And I did.

Of course, I didn’t get a response (wasn’t expecting any). And then, the Universe presented me with a whole host of other fires I had to put out (helpers tendering their resignation), but after the reading I felt Power returning to me. And Clarity. I’m still shying away from public readings, but I think I shall put out something soon.

As for JK, from the time I got that reading until quite recently, I was having second thoughts on whether or not I should send her feedback regarding the reading. She has a massive presence on FB, charges $300-$400 per reading, and seems to know what she’s talking about, “seems” being the operative word. But while I was just thinking about how odd it was that she would miss the mark by a mile when it came to my reading, it dawned on me that in her bio, prior to her awakening sometime in 2008, she had been a librarian for decades. Her awakening was prompted by her being fired from her job, for reasons beyond her control. They were downsizing, I think. And she lists this as the event that jarred her out of her sleep.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with librarians. They’re usually very affable and pleasant.  One fact is indisputable though — well, not one fact, several which I shall mention — 1) they have a lot of time on their hands; 2) they are surrounded by books, all of which they have access to; and 3) the more you read, the better you write because you imbibe the material, the tone, the information being put out there by other authors. In other words, since there is nothing short of truly original in this day and age, almost all written work is derived from something else.

Hence, the loquaciousness. Hence, the verbosity.  Hence, the prolific writing. And, most often, she churns out fiction. That’s very dangerous.

What I sensed in the reading (which Illumined Souls confirmed) was that she was getting impression but did not know whether they belonged to the past or the future. For those she couldn’t tap into, she would just spew fiction. So best to leave that all behind and charge it to experience.

 

 

On the Fence

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Rollercoaster day, emotion-wise. I don’t have the time to lay down all the details of it, but the supposed highlight was my getting a soul reading by JK. I think she was highly inaccurate. And when I asked my pendulum and my cards, it leaned that way too.

That’s kind of a disappointment considering that it cost and arm and a leg.

Velanthas was more accurate. I hope she’s still into giving readings as the last time I checked her blog, she was focusing more on her soul mission. Hazel was more accurate (Starsoul Tarot a.k.a. Illumined Souls).

Back to JK – I am going to read it again, but it doesn’t make sense. It’s as if there were some parts of me that she couldn’t tap. She had me pegged down as someone desperate and needy for love. Yes, I’ve been that in the past, but it’s as if she wasn’t given access to the future. She just kept babbling about me having to love myself yada yada yada and was assuming that all this time, I was dependent on my folks.

What I’m getting is that there is a certain point wherein she was able to read me, but the High Priestess came along and all her faulty assumptions contributed to an off-reading from that point onwards.

Anyway, I shall read it again, but very little resonated.

 

Stasis Answered

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Before I slept last night, I asked my guides and Spiritual Team to answer a question I had through my dreams and to please make me remember my dream when I wake up.

My question?  Why was I in stasis? Why didn’t I want to do anything?  I’ve been sick for almost two weeks, a week of that, out of commission in the office, and even if technically I would have had time to work on clients and personal projects, I was too congested; didn’t have any voice; expectorating  (or trying to), every now and then. So I ended up doing nothing. That’s why I asked this question.

The Dream:

I could remember snippets, the general timeline, but the details are fuzzy.

I know at first that it involved me trying to keep this alien-like crustacean from detection by others. The creature was sort of like a lobster but unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It had shiny metallic rainbow like outer shell covering. I remember it following me around and me leading the way for it, but I’m not clear if I was running away from this creature or leading it. It seems as though I was leading it because sometimes, in my dream, I would wait for it to catch up with me.

Next part was kind of fuzzy. I knew I was running away. I remember wearing white and had my hair up in a chignon. I had to “jump” buildings to get to some other place. I remember going out to a balcony and wondering (in my dream again) if there was no easier way down. There seemed to be one but it was winding and long. So even if I was scared that I couldn’t negotiate the distance, I jumped.

Next shot, I was in a room. I was staring at an open closet full of suitcases. My youngest sister was to one side. She was wearing this Leo Di Caprio gold ring. She was also wearing a black turtleneck. Not sure if that has significance because I remember seeing her most recent FB pics wearing that. Anyway, she was smiling and laughing and she was showing me the ring.

The ring was a strange one. It consisted of two parts that overlapped. So basically it was two rings worn as one.  The outer ring was just a ring with a hollow circle. The other part was a ring with a Leo Di Caprio coin. Well, it seemed like a coin. I didn’t get it that there were two parts at first. And what showed up on my finger was just the hollow circle and my sister was laughing at me.

Then, I was staring at the closet full of suitcases stacked one against the other. They seemed like hand carry because they weren’t big. It was as if I was watching for a sign to show up there or if anything changed position or what. This seemed important in my dream. As though if that thing appeared, it would signify winning, like winning an election, and that I would play a very important part. It was like a press secretary part where I would face the public and the media and what not.

And I can’t remember what the sign was but there seemed to be a flash of light or even a hologram that showed up. This was one of the fuzzy parts. I just remember saying in my dream, something like, “There! I saw it!”. Then, someone else (I don’t know who) was verifying from me. And I went, “Yes, it was really there. I saw it.” And then I felt very happy and I was smiling.  When I looked at my finger, I saw that it wasn’t just the hollow circle I was wearing, but also the Leo Di Caprio part of the ring.

Somebody behind me sort of asked, “What’s next then?” And I said that I would most likely be the Secretary. I had to scuttle away from the mini interview because there was a podium for a press conference and there were lights. I was still wearing a chignon and pearls and a suit. (I was actually quite skinny in my dream, like when I was on Keto). And I was sort of outlining to the folks/press — I don’t know — I guess, it was how things were going to be.

Interpretation:

The alien, I really don’t know what that was about, but when I was trying to remember my dream, I realized the significance of the Leo Di Caprio ring. I thought to myself, why Leo di Caprio? Did it have something to do with the Leo I know? (I personally know a Leo who was part of my romantic past and we’re friends now). Then my Higher Self guided me. Leo = The Sun; Hollow ring – The Moon.

So, in essence, this dream was speaking of union of the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine.

The luggage I think was symbolic of, when that event happens, it will take me to all these different places.

The closet was where this was still gestating as of now.

The being thrust into the limelight meant that I will be the object of scrutiny and awe when that happens.

The being a secretary (or press secretary) meant that all these things would happen with me in a supporting role. It’s like my DM would be high profile and while he was doing things, I would be the one facing the press and “entertaining” and informing them, so to speak.

The alien, I think, has to do with me being a starseed, having to keep it away from the public eye because it was “different”. Or at least, keeping it away until “the event” happens.

And the whole running away, negotiating a jump, those were the things I had to go through in the course of the journey.

So why was I in stasis?

What I’ve gotten so far is that this is downtime in preparation for union.

So, I guess, this was a good dream. Again, very grateful to my guides for giving me an answer to this one and making me remember it when I woke up. I’ve been dreaming a lot these days, but usually, they just float away as soon as I wake up. So remembering so many details was a feat.

 

 

 

 

 

The Year That Was

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I’m spending New Year’s Eve alone this year. My family will be celebrating with my Grand Uncle’s family as he is terminally ill and can’t move about as he used to.  Traditionally, they would drive over to our place to spend the holiday here.

I could go with them, but four of my furkids will be scared and anxious because of the firecrackers and the fireworks so I’ll be staying behind. Truth to tell, I am glad for the silence and the peace.  Even if I wanted to go, I don’t feel all that well and this looks like the flu about to rear its head.

Okay, so onto my remembrance of the year that was, 2017. I often have to do this because my memory is short at times, and if I don’t write this down, it will just fly away.

Highlights:

  • was able to go see Coron in an all expense paid trip with my cousins. It was my first time there and it was spectacular
  • manifested a brand new car, top of the line in its own model
  • got into the Buy and Sell network and was able to purchase those high-end designer bags that I like at bargain price. Now, this is kind of a biggie because I really don’t shop at boutiques because I find their prices too exorbitant and excessive even if I love the bags.
  • same thing with shoes – and I think this year I will have to prune my collection
  • was able to surpass the prediction of my reader on how many clients I would have with my mission many times over — and am truly grateful for them
  • closed the circle on my “Series of Unfortunate Events” saga which took a decade to do and was able to go back to the US and be with my extended family (whom I truly feel at home with even more than my immediate family because the love is just there)
  • I was able to raise funds to buy Maximus a custom brace where he is able to lay down and sit while worn
  • I had that photoshoot with the furkids on Maximus’ birthday (which I should turn into a photobook)
  • I learned that I naturally have beachlocks if I don’t blow dry! (this is also a biggie since I have been wanting to have wavy hair since I was young. In fact, I damaged my hair trying to get this and that perm when all I needed was a good layered cut and not do anything with it afterwards)
  • reconnected with my orgmates from college
  • was finally able to replace my other ten-year old laptop with something new so I can edit on both my laptops at the same time
  • I was able to drive again in the US – with more confidence this time around
  • I did not even have the urge to meet up with my karmic lesson while I was in the US, even if he was texting me

 

Well, those are the highlights.  There were days when the longing for my TF was very poignant, but I feel very balanced now. Lonely, but balanced. There was a span of time this  year where I was troubled, not knowing whether or not to resign from my work to go into mission full time, but that’s been tabled in the meantime.

I did order a reading from Judith Kusel which will come on 2/9/2018 (that’s 11:11) for you. So I’m kind of waiting for that and any answers she can give me.

Of course, there were challenges during the year as well, but I won’t recount them anymore. Suffice it to say that they have been surpassed.

As for what I feel for the year ahead? Well, my reader tells me that there are good things to come for me, on all fronts.  Even my cousin who is also a TF, she said that she vibes that my love life will gain some traction this year. Me? I just feel old and tired.

My grandmother is turning 90 next year, and I’m not even half her age. I can just imagine how tired she is. At least, she’s surrounded by a loving family and a doting husband (my grandfather). TF aside, that’s what has been occupying my thoughts during my sojourn in a foreign land. I was thinking that if my TF isn’t ready yet or if our paths won’t cross anymore in this lifetime, then my life right now is pretty much how it’s going to be for many years to come. Just me, embodying both the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine within me, in balance, asexual, and, well, solitary.  Just going through the days making sure that everything is working, meeting deadlines and bills, and trying to amuse myself in the meantime. (That’s been difficult to do. I think I’ve turned “serious”.)  Not fending off the Crone-mode, either. Just this morning one of my brother’s friends called me “tita” and I was too exhausted to object or even correct him.

I’m still game to move forward and see what life has to offer, but there’s a hair’s breadth’s nuance there. I want to see what life has to offer without me having to give out blood, sweat, and tears.  Kind of like a bonus, or a gift. Why? Just because.

So my wishlist to the Universe hasn’t really changed much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why?

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I was going to write about how things are topsy turvy now when I saw a post by Illumined Souls (formerly Starsoul Tarot) that said that there was an influx of light now and we are being plagued by ascension symptoms, triggers and anything else; that where we are in the ascension process will dictate the timing of union with our TF.

I hope that certainly explains it.  What i’m going through right now feels like a final examination of sorts.  I’m almost having second thoughts about going to the US because all the uncertainty is so emotionally taxing. I’ve managed to get my PTSD about my “Series of Unfortunate Events” while I was there under control and this seems to be a time loop. Sort of going back in time (but in the future) to re-do some things over.

Well, for one thing, I don’t think this will be a sexual nirvana for me this time around.  I don’t even know who I’ll get to hang out with. Another thing is that the entire time with dad around is like me walking straight into an ambush that I already know about beforehand. And it’s making me antsy like nothing else.  That’s apart from not knowing if I will be allowed in the country in the first place. Or being stuck in an airport with no-smoking allowed.

I pulled some cards for myself and on the top row was Ten of Swords (Ruin), Nine of Swords (Cruelty) and Eight of Swords (Interference).  These are the things that I am being given the opportunity to transmute right now. There are good things in store for me if I do pass this test.

But am I ready? Emotionally, I feel very “at sea” about it all.  Initially, I did want to enjoy it but it seems as though everyone has plans except for me.  Which brings up my “being left behind” drama all over again and all those existentialist questions.   Is this what my life is going to be like? Trying to tag along with everybody because I don’t have my own group or my own plans? That’s getting kind of old. Even if I ultimately know why I’m here.

And all I really want to do is get Maximus’ braces and maybe have some fun on the side. I paid an awful lot for that ticket.

What’s stressing me out more is the message in Illumined Souls’ post — “Just go and live your life.”  What kind of life am I living out? I help folks on my mission but the rest of the people around me don’t know what I do and don’t even understand why I’m doing it. My family is part of the Ancestral Line challenge that I undertook in this incarnation (which I am almost always regretting). I mean, couldn’t I have picked something relatively easier? I should take notes for my next incarnation, but I think I’m done.

Nothing really matters, so I’ll just go with the flow. Or, if you want to make that a pun, “go with the flaw”.

That Secret Smile

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I went through my day with a little spring in my step and my heart bursting with love.

The reading I put up last week said that connections with one’s TF would be restored and I was also hoping that it would be true for me.

This morning, I woke up feeling him.  We were sleeping together holding hands and it was like that night where we made love happened all over again in vivid HD. I could feel him cumming on top me and shuddering as he got his release. I could SENSE it. FEEL IT.

I was still wondering where that came from and then all of a sudden, I hear a tone coming from my phone. And it was just viber announcing that “M has just joined Viber! Say Hi and get a free sticker pack!”

And my breath caught.  We hadn’t had contact in so long. I already assumed he changed his number. The last messages I sent him through iMessage years ago remained unread.  And here was a new avenue for connection. “Connections Restored”, indeed.

So what did I do? I sent the lamest message ever. Hahaha. “Wow, you have Viber! Hi!” and it would have come from an unknown number because I was texting from my new one. Hahaha.

No reply.  Just delivered. But I did claim my free sticker pack. Hah!

I asked my pendulum if it was him on the other end and Spirit said YES. And that just got me ecstatic the entire day. I was just so happy that he was still alive somewhere in the planet. I was even tempted to ask him how the kids were, how his karmic was because it really didn’t matter to me. If he’s still not done with that karmic contract, then, he’s still not done. I would still love him and his showing up unbidden on the morning of Friday the 13th just reminded me of how in love I still am with the man. I could literally feel my heart expanding and shooting out love bombs! Pew! Pew! Pew!

So here I am, at the end of the day, still smiling like an idiot.  And no one knows why. (except you,  because you read this, haha)