Tag Archives: infinity symbol

Hmmm and Hah!


After doing a lot of work on my website, my facebook page and getting all my marketing materials ready, I am faced with the reality that my 8 year old laptop cannot handle video rendering which is a major bump in the road in getting my mission launched.

I have a workaround which I will know about this coming Monday.  I’ve done several looksies at what’s available, but I don’t really want to spend money that I’ve allotted for something else.

It’s disappointing in a way, but I’m going to ask the Universe to provide. So many things I want to do — get married to my twin, travel, be successful in my mission, and lots of many other things.  I just wish roads would open to be able to do them all.  My ultimate dream? To be married to my twin and live more than comfortably, not having to work but doing it for the joy it brings (vis a vis doing it for the money), working on my mission with my twin beside me, having things work smoothly – you know, the type wherein if you need a new computer, a new phone, etc., etc., it’s right there for the taking because you have the means to acquire it.

And those are only the practical issues that I have.


The next day…

The original title of this post was just “Hmmm” and I hesitated publishing it because it seemed sort of depressing, just bumps and humps and me whining about it.  But after today… my Twin saved the day for me and that humdrum title turned into a “Hmmm and Hah!” Oh, happy, happy, joy, joy!

You know what he did? He found me a Gaming Laptop with great specs for video rendering at a price that was very reasonable!

And how do I know that it was from him? Well, I was looking for certain specs when looking for laptops, and this seller that had the best value for money that I was interested in included several software with it — and they were all architectural design software! (My twin is a multi-awarded globally well renowned architect) Not only that, when I finally got my head out of the specs and looked at the design of the unit itself, I noticed the brand’s logo — the brand was Fujitsu — and the seller had posted the picture at an angle where how I saw the logo was the Infinity Symbol!


After that I had no qualms that this was definitely another “gift” from my twin… which I had to pay for, lol.  But no matter, I was very grateful!  I’m pretty sure that it’s only a matter of time when he’ll be showering me with gifts for real soon.

He had another gift too.  I was looking for a mobile wifi device for the office since our firewall was practically impenetrable even by the Tor Network, but I didn’t want to spend too much on it (especially since I’d be buying a laptop).  Anyway, I found something second hand, only one month used at a third of the price I’d pay for retail! Whoopdeedoo! I am loving my twin so much at the moment.

Actually, while I was meditating earlier, I asked if we (my twin and I) could already access the 5th to the 9th Dimensions.  I did get into a deep state, the visuals were hazy though.  But at some point in time, I heard a distinct male voice say something to me.  I got startled though so I couldn’t make out what he said which kind of bums me out because I’m pretty sure it was a message.

Anyway, I’m still in love as ever with my twin.






Is Ignorance Bliss?


Perhaps I was already asking all these questions during my dream state and it just slipped into my consciousness as I was waking up.  I don’t know, but I woke up with all these questions about the twin flame journey, and an ongoing debate in my head with me belonging to both the pros and cons, trying to find an answer.

I don’t think I’ll get to answer all of them in this post, but in the spirit of finding the answers “within me”, let’s just see where this goes.

My jump-off question was this:  Would I have been better off not knowing that I was in a twin flame relationship with M?

To make a long story short, I started out not knowing anything about twin flames.  In fact, despite being a patron of destiny advisers long before knowing about my soul profile, the extent of what I would ask was is if he were my soul mate.

That would pose several problems on its own if it was the Sphinx I was asking.  For one thing, it was the wrong question based on the wrong premise.  It’s like trying to find something on Google with the wrong search term and without something that says “related searches”.

Let’s say, as Spirit has answered me many times before, he is my TF, then the Sphinx would answer “No”, and it would be correct.  But since one has to ask the right question before answers are offered, you’re going to have to go on this journey to just know what question to ask, assuming you didn’t swallow that answer lock, stock and barrel.

In my consummate search for understanding the reason for my heartbreak, that’s just what I did.  Why? Why?? WHY???? Why isn’t he my soul mate? And the short answer I got out of that was, “Because he’s your twin, dummy.” From there, a whole new journey began which made me more spiritually aware and took me to other dimensions than this.

But what if I stopped at that point?  Okay, so it’s not going to happen, gnash your teeth, tear your hair out, weep until morning until you’ve gotten it out of your system then move on. And I probably would have gotten to know somebody new, put myself out there more, explored physical love more, and gotten on with my life and just lived to be happy in the moment. In fact, that was my life paradigm before.  Carefree. Happy. Getting into crazy situations because I had the Fool energy with me and the chutzpah to forge ahead not knowing what lay before me.  That’s why my friends have put those experiences in a category of its own: Things that could only happen to Butterkate.

As Yael on this twin flame journey, things and experiences have been more quiet, subtle and inward. A lot of those craziness doesn’t resonate with me anymore and, yes, there is more wisdom and knowing — about what this TF journey will entail, the mission, how physical union plays into that. But if you compare my general energetic state then and now, now, aside from rare and intermittent moments of bliss and communion, I’m mostly miserable and lonely in my separation from my twin, anxious about whether or not we’ll come into physical union, then almost always doubling back to ask if I’d be better off just forgetting about it and going with someone who might actually return my affections.

Come to think about it, it would seem that I was happier then when I didn’t know.  Because now that I do, where do I go from here?  There is no “Okay, moving on.  Next!” There’s only this spinster energy surrounding me, and if a part of my life mission was to fully embody the divine feminine, it seems like I just went from Maiden to Crone in the blink of an eye.

And now, majority of the twin flame teachers are telling us to forget. Live in the moment! Stop pining for your twin or you will miss the blessings and opportunities that are there for the taking.

What in fuckssakes are you talking about now? After going through the entire process of remembering that I am a twin, on a mission on earth, after all that purging, the forgiving, the healing, after finally realizing and reconciling my life experiences thus far and why I had to go through them, now, you’re telling me to forget? What was the freaking point of all this then?

The answer to that which I’ve gotten thus far is that it has to be that way because we’re embodying the God-energy throughout this ascension process.  Alpha and Omega.  The first and the last.  Everything and nothing.  Male and female.  Remembering and forgetting. And everything in between with a vague promise of physical union with one’s twin just to keep things spicy or make us hanker after a goal during our physical embodiment here on earth.  For what would you really want if you have everything already?  Nothing.

It’s the Divine Dichotomy of it all.  And I was prompted this answer by Spirit after I had occasion to come across my award-winning paper back in my law school days  which spoke of the Divine Dichotomy in the Religion Clauses. The conclusion of that paper was that even if the separation of church and state was established (there), it was not strictly practiced because people, at least most of them, will always believe that God necessarily exists in our secular lives (not there).

Same thing in our twin flame relationships, especially for those who remain in separation.  From a 5D perspective, there is union and a merge (there), even if you continue to be apart in 3D (not there). It’s the same thing in 3D only reversed — again, a mirror image.  A continuing cycle of there and not theread infinitum, like the twin flame infinity symbol.

But to get the wheels of creation spinning, so to speak, while in this God-energy, it cannot remain stagnant.  The energy must likewise mimic the push-pull, there-not there dynamic of creation. This is also the reason behind the “energy shift” “role reversals” of twins that is happening currently.  We cannot remain in solely one energetic state (either there or not there, either runner or chaser, either just feminine or masculine) because it hampers movement and synergy.

I don’t really know how best to explain this because a few minutes ago, I also didn’t know that I would be talking about this.  It’s just coming to me now, and quite clearly too.

I think the best analogy I can come up with is the movie, Inception.  It’s like a dream within a dream within a dream, except that you replace the word “dream” with the “infinity symbol” of twin flames, but imagine energy running through it. For twins, despite being one soul in two bodies, we each have one of this inside of us.  Think of a embryo splitting into two, or even atoms.

Now, each twin has to activate that infinity symbol within us to make it move.  How? Again, the God-energy of there-not there, push-pull, masculine-feminine. This is why we are told to have balance within us, to balance both masculine and feminine aspects, otherwise, that little symbol within you will remain static. It won’t move. The God-energy in that microscopic realm (I only call it that in the context to the immensity of the Universe) cannot be fully embodied within you if it is stagnant and the energy doesn’t flow.

Because we (one of the twins) are in the peculiar position of just being half of whole, this is kind of a golf handicap we were given upon emarking our journey with the humans.  Sort of like an extra challenge. We each hold a key and a lock to the other, and like a video game, you get to the next level only when you’ve unlocked both.  And as I said before, the way to unlock is to get that infinite God-energy moving.  When both twins are vibrating at the same frequency, voila!, you may proceed to the next level.

Here’s where it gets tricky.  We’re virtually deaf, dumb, and blind when it comes to our other divine half’s progress on their own.  I think this is what the Eight of Swords has been telling me all this time. Not so much that I feel bound and can’t do anything, but a reminder that this is part of the golf handicapso to speak. It’s been designed that way because, yes, like so many other teachers have been saying, you have to TRUST your twin.  Trust that he/she will be able to activate that infinity symbol within them on their own. This is where TIME becomes a challenge in 3D because we are so immersed in that unit of measure during our temporary sojourn here on earth in this finite lifetime.

I’m not going to expound on that more because the level of frustration when the construct of TIME is added to this twin flame equation is one that is familiar to most of us.  I mean, what the heck, this is the dimension we’re living in by default, this is what we’re conscious of, what we tangibly sense and perceive, plus the fact that our days are numbered in this embodiment so pressure, right?

Anyway, back to my Inception analogy.  To make a long story short, it’s spin, unlock, merge/unite, emanate that God-energy which includes but is not necessarily limited to Unconditional Lovehelp the planet ascend. That’s really it, in a nutshell.  Time is the fucker.

I’m going to end this because I don’t feel guided by spirit anymore (they just left) and my ADHD kicked in.  But I think my question — what’s the point of all this? — was answered.  According to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, to be able to gauge how one point is relative to the other, one must know where the points are.  One cannot create a triangle with just two points, and since part of the twin flame mission is to be aware of and emanate a third point — the God-energy — we necessarily had to know where we are in that map first.

And so, this much we know:

  1.  We know we are twins;
  2. We know what we have to create, a third energy – the God-energy;
  3. We have the handicap of not knowing how much progress our twin is making in creating the God-energy on his own;
  4. We know that the energy within us cannot remain stagnant so we must keep the wheels of creating churning, that infinity symbol spinning until such time that our twin catches up gets on the right frequency; and, most importantly,
  5. Since we know who we are and who we are to triangulate with in creating that third energy, wherever that dynamic energy within us takes us in the meantime, when the “call to physical union” comes, we will know not only where to go or who to be with, but more importantly, keeping our twin flame mission in mind which is bigger than either twin, we will know what to choose.


So that’s the difference between then and now.  It’s like the twin flame journey was a prerequisite course to get a “homing device”, to know where to go and what to do when the time comes.

I just wish that someone had explained this to me like this earlier, then much more time would have been spent making happy instead of being anxious. But I think one has to get to this point of knowing on his/her own and make peace with it before one can go out into the world for new adventures, confident that there will be a homing device to “alert” us when it is time to physically come home to our twin.

There is a CAVEAT though, which I am compelled to mention at this point — if you have come to this point in your journey. In all your “meantime” adventures, try your best not to incur karma which includes getting involved in karmic relationships.  

Why?  First of all, it’s unfair to the human unaware of your twin flame journey/mission.  Second, you can only get to this stage if you’ve already cleared most of your karma, so incurring more karma will just set you and your union back.

That’s all I have on that for now.  Aside from “erotic friendships” coming to mind, I still have no idea how to navigate that one now that the rules are pretty clear.  I just feel that after writing all that that a burden has been lifted off me, like I’ve been given a license to enjoy myself in this “meantime” journey. It’s like I can “forget” without guilt because there is a knowing that I will be “made to remember” when the time comes and that it’s supposed to be like this anyway – remembering and forgetting, having everything and nothing, knowing and not knowing, being together and being apart, push-pull, push-pull in a constant motion.

So that, my dearest friends, is the lesson of the day.  Namaste.



Is He Really My Twin?


That’s the question I’ve been asking my Higher Self and Spiritual Team for the past, maybe 48 hours.

It became more pressing to find the answers out when Allison Lessard mentioned in one of her latest videos that there have been clients who have been asking the same question, and she had to tell them, no, he’s not your twin but your karmic soulmate. And she went on to say that they spent 10, 20 years or so waiting and hoping for their twin, but in reality, all they were doing was being stuck in the same place, ditching their date with destiny and progress.

Was I one of those folks?  Out of the myriad of psychics who gave a thumbs up on my relationship with him, only three were skeptical and said no, we wouldn’t end up together.  One of those, in fact, was the one who had enlightened me on my Starseed origins and led me onto this spiritual path that I’m on now.  Ever since she told me that, however, I never went back to her.

However, since then, I have petitioned the Karmic Board to amend our soul contracts so that we would be together in this lifetime.  I’ve done this with the permission of his Higher Self who joined me in petitioning, and we’ve been granted dispensation.  Of course, this only happened after accomplishing what seemed like the Labours of Hercules, including retrieving the etheric counterparts of his soul fragments across time and space.

I’ve come to a point where I don’t seek out psychics anymore to answer that question, but I trust in the answers that my Higher Self gives me.  If someone else told me again that I was on a fool’s errand, I think I would fall apart.  I would be gambling my fragility and the delicate strands that hold me together on the opinion of someone whom I wasn’t sure if they were misguided or not.  In the end, I’ve chosen to take a gamble on my Higher Self and the messages they send me, when they choose to send me such.  After all, if at the end of my earthly life, during the time of reckoning, I find out that I was wrong on all counts and I ended up having lived a life not lived (yes, that sounds confusing, but you know what I mean), then I will either be sent back to start over and, at the very least, I’ll be remembering nothing until I am awakened once again. Even though the prospect of going through birthing pains prior to being enlightened isn’t all that enticing, what can I do?

twin flames 76

Anyway, this morning, before leaving the house for work, I asked again for an answer to my question.  As soon as I got into my car, his “love song” for me came on the radio — “Where My Love Goes”.  That made me happy, but, of course, I still had to ask.  It wasn’t a responsive answer, never mind that I liked it anyway.  Then, the numbers started appearing.  33, 55, 11, with the 33s repeatedly appearing, always in pairs.  They were in car plates, signages, billboards — double numbers until I got to the office.

During the drive home, after waiting out the downpour in a cafe, I felt the need for confirmation.  I asked again for a sign, a message, to tell me that I was on the right path.  As soon as I turned on the radio, upon leaving the parking area, guess what song was playing again?  Of course, since it was climbing up the charts, that made me skeptical.  Maybe I just had an awesome sense of timing, but with that song, I “heard” him telling me to be careful on the drive home because the roads were wet and slippery.

The paired numbers kept coming up again.  88, 77, 66, 55, 44, 33, 22, 11 – mostly in plates, in cab numbers.  They were there almost everywhere I looked.  Was this just coincidence?  Or were they telling me that we were actually a pair? That was my question just as I braked for the stoplight in a major intersection.  And just right then, a motorcycle eased in front of me with the plates — ND 282282. ND for “And” — then the number 2 for pair, 8 would be the symbol for twin flames upright, and the number 22 –

“Angel Number 22 encourages you to find this sense of balance and inner harmony in order to achieve a higher level of existence. By focusing on your personal needs, you can also get a greater understanding of your purpose. Guardian angels use these messages to provide us with the ability to find fulfillment through the actualization of our dreams.

If you are able to identify your journey, then you should also trust your instincts in pursuing your destiny. Angel Number 22 urges you to use your own judgment in order to reach these goals. Through proper personal harmony, you are more apt to be successful in your life.

Number 22 in numerology suggests that you stand strong in your personal beliefs and faith. If you put out positive and confident energy, you will be more open to the opportunities that will be presented to you.”

Then it ends with number 2 again, then 8, the symbol for twin flames.  The plate was actually a palindrome – 282 282 282 282 282 282 , ad infinitum, just like the eternal bond of twin flames.  I was being nudged with the answers again — a pair, twins, twin flames.

But because I’m always second guessing, I asked for confirmation, if what I had decoded in the blink of an eye — remember I was driving — was correct.  And they, too, had a quick answer — in my peripheral vision, a cab caught my eye because it swerved to merge lanes.  Its plate number — 118.  11 — the number of twins, again, the 8, its symbol.


And because I’m a pesky intuitive (and I’m glad that my guides aren’t allowed to be exasperated with me), I still asked, Really?

Another cab caught my eye.  The cab’s number — 01.  Which I took to mean that we were one.  Hmmm, okay.

To reinforce, the number pairs kept popping up all the way home.  Who knows, maybe they’re very common and I’m just noticing it now.  So, do you think I have my answer?

And just as I revved up You Tube when I got home, I decided to continue watching a video I paused because I had to leave to go home.  It started where I had left off, and when I played it, the first words said was “So listen to the signs and messages that your guides are giving you.”  There was more, but I can’t remember right now.  I just thought that it was really creepy.  Oh! I remember now, she said something like, “You will question and you will doubt because now, you still cannot see” — it come to fruition or something like that, but that it was there and that we have to continue the journey and the path.


And wow, when they answer a question, they really do answer the question! What do you think? I feel that if I ask one more time, I might get an etheric bonk on the head for being so pesky, lol.