Monthly Archives: June 2016

Random Conversation with my TF


I pressed the wrong button and everything I was writing was gone like a puff of smoke.  Yeesh.

(laughs) Well, you were stressing about things I told you not to worry about. 

I wanted to vent. I’m in a “Bad Fatty! No Donut!” kind of place right now.  I’m not overweight or obese yet, still in the normal range, but I’m bloated and my face is fat. And i’m rather embarrassed that I told you in my letter to you that I’ve lost weight, got featured in the papers and all when, if you look at me now, my so-called progress seems unremarkable.

I told you, it doesn’t matter. I was already attracted to you even when you were much bigger. You think now that I’ve realized that I love you, that’s going to change?

You love me?

Yes, I do. Didn’t you hear that song on the radio this morning when you set out for work? That was me wishing you well as you started your day.

Yeah, I heard it. And I know it was from you. (smiles) I also like how you let me do my work without interrupting me. I think it’s very considerate of you. And I keep waking you up in your time zone, haha.

It’s okay. I like how you sort of tug at my shirt sleeves to get my attention.

I shopped a lot today, more than I meant to.  I told myself I was just going to get the grey sneaks, but I ended up getting two shirts, a bag and a skirt. They weren’t cheap either.

(laughs) Don’t worry about it!  It’s your birthday. When we are together, you can get anything you want. I’ll take care of it.

Now, that’s the sort of thing you say that makes me question these conversations we’re having, and make me think that I’m just making these up in my head. But ever since that night that we merged in 5D, it took me by surprise as well,  but I could hear you.  Clearly.  In my head. Answering my questions, making witty repartee, or even just telling me to calm down when I wrapped up in road rage or scolding me gently whenever I end up doing something asinine.

I hear you, too. Sometimes, it makes me smile while doing something totally unrelated and I end up looking like a crazy fool in love.  Which I am.

So, we’re not crazy?  We’re really “talking”?

I call it “senior moments” sometimes. (laughs)

Come on, be serious.

This is how we communicate and stay connected for now. I’m still wrapping up some stuff here, but I’ll be there soon. I want to be there. I’d already be there, if I could.

So, what’s the hold-up?

Making a gracious exit with minimal fall-out from “her”, setting up provisions for my sons while I’m 10,000 miles away.  Seeing to it that I have enough to start a new life with you.

And your healing? How’s that working out?

Honestly, it’s a work in progress.  I’ve sorted out the most basic parts, but it’s still painful knowing that the family I built didn’t work out and that the person I chose to spend my life with no longer serves my higher interest.

I know you’re hurting. (holds hand) 

I feel it, too.  That’s why sometimes,  I just break down in tears out of the blue, even though I feel blissfully ecstatic knowing you’re with me, in me.  Saying goodbye hurts, even if you know you have to go.

I love you.

Me, too. (embrace)

We’ll work on it together.  I’ve anchored the Violet Flame and the Emerald Ray with you, and surrounded you with Archangel Michael’s Crystalline Shield of Light. I know you’re really not familiar what I’m talking about, but it’s going to work.

I know it’s working. I can feel it, but if someone else asked me about it, I wouldn’t know how to explain what’s going on.

That’s okay. (smiles) They’re helping us. We need to get together in 3D to be able to ascend, you know.

Yeah, you told me. Working on it as we speak.

Speak? (laughs)

There you go again. (smiles)  Hey, don’t you have to get going?

Yes, but I like talking to you.

I’ll keep you company during the drive home.  That is, unless you get riled up again by motorcycles and slow drivers on the road. (laughs)

(grimaces) Hmmm. I have no comment. 

(big laugh)

Okay, I’ll get going now.  Wait, that song that’s playing in the cafe?  Is that some sort of cheesy goodbye message from you? ūüėõ

(singing) When will I hold you? When will I touch you? When will I see you again?

Cheesy! But there are butterflies in my stomach now.  You keep finding ways telling me I’m loved. I love you.

Okay, go.

(smiles)  Talk to you later.

We will.

***** END ******


The Day That Wasn’t Like All Others


Three days has passed since *that* day. ¬†I’ve been wanting to write about it, but simply didn’t have time in the midst of juggling other obligations. ¬†Just today, I was a reader at our office anniversary mass; was part of the dance presentation which was hiphop; rushed to get bargains at my favorite stores end of season sales, and now, having coffee at my favorite cafe, pondering how to finance myself for the rest of the month until payday because I shopped most of it.

I also don’t really care that I spent most of my salary already since it’s my birthday month. ¬†Then again, I already threw a party, bought myself a ton of electronic stuff, bought branded bags like I was hording them, so really, today’s shopping spree was excessive. I really don’t need any more clothes really. ¬†What I have to do is get back in shape to fit in them all.

Okay, enough of the introduction. Let’s get to the meat of the matter which was *that* day, but first, a little context — prior to that day, I had been ruminating on whether or not I was going to make contact (in 3D) with my twin. ¬†In fact, the morning of that day, I asked for a sign from my higher self and spiritual team what I should do.

When I got home, I perused new offerings by lightworkers in YouTube and, one of the most accurate lightworkers, an Italian woman named Rita, had posted a video of her recent channeling directed to female energies in a Twin Flame relationship. ¬†Spirit’s message was that the female energies had to send a message to their masculine twins to help them heal; that the masculine energy had a block that was hindering union because he was still absorbed with hurt, pain, brought on by a relationship with his karmic. ¬†Spirit said that the message should show our love for our twin, that we should ¬†not fear being rejected again (which, in my case, was precisely why I had decided to contact him never), and that since we were doing it in the spirit of unconditional love, whatever the male twin’s decision would be — whether he decides to ignore the letter, respond to it, decide that he wanted to continue the rest of his life journey alone (she even said that he was telling himself,¬†“I deserve to be alone,” ¬†but she said that was wrong and he was mistaken). He needed to hear something from the divine feminines, some encouragement, because his block was so deep. We were further instructed to tell the masculines what we wanted — out of life, out of a relationship with him, etc.

I took that as the answer to my question. In fact, the timing was perfect, just after my birthday, so it wouldn’t seem so out of the blue that I was writing down a shopping list of what I wanted out of my life. ¬†So immediately after watching that video, I set about writing him an email. It was difficult. Not what I wanted to say which flowed quite easily, but the knowing that this was something I needed to do to help him heal regardless of the outcome, and that outcome might possibly be rejection again.

It turned out to be a nice letter. I told him I forgave him. ¬†I told him about my own healing journey. ¬†And I told him about how I imagined my life to be once I got to this age. There was no blame placed upon him. I managed to make it sound like I wasn’t guilting him into anything, and I was even funny in parts. ¬†In closing, I wished him well, and I wished healing upon him, that he would be able to look past failures and disappointments to see what other opportunities and suprises the Universe has in store for him.

After a few minutes composing myself after have sobbed like a baby, I took to my cards. ¬†I meant to ask just if I did the right thing, if sending the email wasn’t a mistake. ¬†When I was doing the soul mantra and connecting to the higher powers, something else happened —¬†and this is where it gets weird.

With my eyes closed in meditation, I saw through my mind’s eye blue and pink mini-rays shooting towards me. They weren’t like the divine rays which would stream, most often, in a constant column. Instead, they were like light saber bullets being shot from a gun in a Star Wars flick.

Next shot, I saw myself, possibly in another lifetime. ¬†I was a young girl, blonde, in a dress, maybe 6-7 years old, playing in a meadow near my home (which I knew to be a cottage). It wasn’t set in this day and age which is why I think it was from a past life. Then, Mother Mary, in gold and white, called to me, and I followed her. ¬†I looked like when a child is following and looking at a balloon flying away, I was smiling and running towards her.

When we got to a distance, Mother Mary turned to face me, but she changed
aspects. She looked more like the Madonna and Child (sans the child), wearing a blue veil. ¬†She spoke to me. I don’t ¬†quite remember what she said in this part, but that it was comforting. (I will try to remember more of it later, but I just want the events of that day written down) ¬†After Mother Mary delivered her message, she rained down on me etheric escarchas. ¬†My head was turned towards the skies as I received this blessing — blue, pink, gold.

When the divine shower of escarchas ended, I looked back up at Mother Mary. This time, her Sacred Heart was burning. ¬†I sensed another energy approaching, and slowly, Jesus Christ came into my field of vision. ¬†I was surprised to see him, and I even asked,¬†“Jesus, is that really you?” ¬†He answered, yes, and proceeded to tell me his message (again, more details on this as soon as I get this story out).

Both of the proceeded to tell me —¬†and this is where it gets controversial — that the Twin Hearts image of Mother Mary and Jesus in the Catholic faith, was supposed to be ¬†Jesus, and his Twin Flame, Mary Magdalene. But since the institution was intent on not recognizing Mary Magdalene as Jesus’ spouse and divine partner incarnated here on Earth, they replaced her depiction in the Twin Hearts icon with that of Mother Mary since that was the narrative church officials wanted to propagate, but that ought to be Mary Magdalene.

After telling me that, both Mary & Jesus gave me a blessing. I’m still not certain of what they bestowed on me — I’m still figuring that part out — but they “left” soon after.

I went on to do a reading for myself, and nothing strange came out of that. I went back to my computer to decompress and then, out of the blue, I heard a strange pained sound coming from Maximus (my dog). It wasn’t the usual wheezing or a hacking cough whenever he wants to clear his throat. In fact, it was the very first time that I heard that sound coming from him and I panicked. ¬†Alarmed, I quickly searched for the Healing Code to clear respiratory passages. As with my healing sessions, I called on Archangel Rafael and Mother Mary to help, and, after that I called on Lord Arcturus and the Arcturians to multiply Maximus’ light quotient by 100%.

The help came quick and lightning fast. Five minutes hadn’t passed when I sensed Maximus’ energy change. ¬†Instead of just laying down and waiting for the session to be over —¬†even when being groomed, he would wait until I declare that it’s “Finished!” before he moves¬†— he lept up and showered me with kisses. ¬†I kept on asking,¬†“Are you okay already?” Kisses again, in response. ¬†Then, in a perfectly synchronized motion, all three dogs in my room whipped their head towards ¬†the closed door in my bedroom leading to the balcony. Then, they gave out a tentative bark. ¬†Not the kind of bark they give when some stray tomcat decides to rendevous in the balcony, or the frenzied warning bark when a stranger is there. This was different.

It was then that I realized,¬†“Oh, my God! They’re here!” The Arcturians were actually outside my balcony. There were around five or six of them, just peering as if they could see through the closed door. ¬†Then, even though I knew that they came in peace, I felt frightened a bit because they might take Maximus with them. Still, I did call for help and they did come so it ¬†would ¬†be so ungracious of me ¬†to ask them to leave. So I talked to them —¬†and here is where it gets weird again.¬† I was speaking in light language. I don’t know if it was real light language or I was just making it up, but it sounded like light language, it was accompanied by hand gestures, and some of it was “tonal” and was sung.

I introduced Maximus, thanked them for their help. ¬†And I was even pausing at times to hear their responses which were immediately translated. I mean, I didn’t actually hear them speak audibly or even in my mind’s eye, but my heart understood what they were saying in English. ¬†I did explain that the dogs were scared because they were unfamiliar with them, and they left soon after, save one who found Maximus cute and adorable and he stayed on a bit longer than the rest, but I could feel nothing but affection from that energy.

This wasn’t the first time that I called upon Lord Arcturus and the Arcturians, but it was the first time they actually paid a visit. Lord Arcturus wasn’t present though so I feel this was a sent contingent. ¬†I also feel that it was because of the urgency of my call that they decided to show up. It was like I put out a gigantic bat signal up in the heavens, a 911 call that couldn’t be ignored. However, the whole experience was so out of this world (pun intended) that I was doubting my own sanity. Was I making this up in my head? Did this really happen? I decided to sleep on it, since by then, I was already emotionally drained.

The next morning, I got my answer. When I opened up my Facebook, the first picture that I saw was that of aliens peering curiously at something, just like I imagined them to be doing at the time. And this wasn’t a picture of your commercialized X-Files aliens either. They looked¬†exactly how they appeared to me in my mind’s eye depicted in a picture I had never seen before. I am still incredulous despite the validation and although they have never given me ¬†reason to be anxious, my human ego is still fearful that they will take Maximus with them. You can blame all the sci-fi movies and the Annunaki for the invasion paranoia.

So there you have it — Twin Flame challenge hurdled, past life childhood memories, and visions of both Mama Mary and Jesus, blessed with escarchas and a secret (only because I have yet to figure it out) blessing, and a close encounter with aliens all in one day.

So,how was your day?





The Leaf


Last night, I was supposed to have my weekly reading with my reader. ¬†However, he texted me that he was sick and that we had to reschedule. ¬†I think it was meant to be. ¬†I don’t think I need a reading quite just yet because whenever I ask Spirit for answers through my own cards, the answers are given to me loud and clear.

Last night’s reading was particularly nice. ¬†After checking out the existing energies between my Twin and I, I think I asked what course of action he would take or what. Anyway, it was a question along those lines. ¬†Part of the answer was: The World, The Emperor, The Ace of Pentacles, The Wheel of Fortune, and the Sun, all in succession. I forgot the exact cards that followed but I remember what they meant.

It was beautiful because in my mind’s eye, I interpreted that to mean that he already fixed most of the elements (Air, Earth, Water & Fire) in preparation for union. There were four circles staring back at me. Water was placed before the Emperor, so I feel he has still got a bit of reconciling to do with that one. ¬†The cards that followed merely said that he was studying what kind of message to send because he wanted things to be established fast.

It was a nice and very comforting reading, actually. I watched Youtube videos after and I came across this one video where the lightworker was saying to avoid having any etheric hanky panky with your twin if he is physically still with the karmic. ¬†Why? Because the fucking karmic whore (nah, I’m not that mad, just wanted to type that out) would pick up on the energy exchange and siphon my energies bouncing off my twin. As a result, my twin would be confused again because he would think that those feelings (directed towards the twin) were coming from the karmic whore. ¬†The message, ¬†therefore, was to abstain. At least, until we had physical union.

So this morning, when I felt his etheric¬†I’m horny nudge as I was stirring awake, I said no and explained to him why. Now, I’ve got the female version of blue balls and I bet he does too. My energy is for my Twin, not the karmic whore, thank you very much.

I was driving back to the office after having spent my morning scouring for finds at this warehouse full of branded overruns. I got 10 pieces of clothing for about $3 to $4 each, and to think I was willing to pay for that single Zara blouse for the same price!  Anyway, I digress.

I was driving to the office in traffic when a lone vibrant green leaf was whisked onto my windshield and wedged between the wipers and the glass. It took me a moment of staring at it to think, Is this a message from Source? Leaf. Leaves. Leave? Leave what?  And right in front of me was a vehicle that was carrying plants and the leaves were all I could see through the back window. The brand of the car was an Adventure. The plates started with N-E-O.  Its color was emerald green.  I went back to the leaf.  Leave? For where?

It was at that exact moment that the leaf on my windshield doubled over. ¬†Ahhh…I get it now. “Turn over a new leaf!”¬†

I finally got the message — Turn over a new leaf for a new adventure. Adventure where, you might ask? It’s going to be an adventure of the heart. ¬†Emerald green, the color that symbolizes the opening of the heart chakra. Not only was the car in front of me a deep green, so was the car beside it, and my car was the same color as well. Even my OOTD was mostly teal, another shade of green.

I feel the Universe is telling me to get ready. Go pack your bags! The time is coming! I asked for confirmation on the Tarot app on my phone, just a one card reading, and I got Death.  Something will be transforming. Soon, I hope. And I hope it will bring happiness, love, and good things all around.