Tag Archives: twin flame problems

Psychic Dreaming


Last night, I was weighed down by a lot of things.  I’ve got hives again and this time around they were located in my right arm and smack in the middle of my back.  I suppose some exotic insect bit me again, but part of me suspects that it’s ascension symptoms, brought on by the Hunter’s Moon this October.

That was itching enough to be bothersome.  And even though I am still full go on my mission — I just installed video editing software and all that — the response on my trial video up on YouTube was short of dismal. I had one thumbs down and about 30 views.  Which brought me to thinking if I really did have “spiritual gifts” and if I should share them publicly.

I took Benadryl to help me sleep despite the itching, but it seemed like I didn’t need it.  I fell asleep while doing self-healing Reiki on myself. Woke up and tinkered around the computer for a bit and then fell back to sleep.  That’s when I had this strange dream.

I was in an illustrious and old campus, walking by a pathway beside one of the big buildings.  I stopped by a hawker’s stand.  There was this guy there giving out flyers and samples (not quite sure what the samples were for, but they looked like micro-cassette tapes).  He was a psychic and I was looking at him and his wares, curious if he was the real deal.

While I was doing this, things started happening to me.  I turned the golden knob of the grills nearby which revealed a secret passageway to the college down below.  And when I looked up at one of the life-sized statues that decorated the college (it looked like St. Francis of Assisi in my dream although I’m not sure), the statue suddenly turned its head to me. Jeepers, this was getting creepy.

When I turned down to look at the guy’s calling card which he had handed out earlier and which seemed to contain my initial logo for my website, the logo was spinning as though it had life.

That’s about all I remember, but I think there was much more.  I think Spirit was telling me that I did have psychic powers and not to doubt it because the “psychic hawker” by the wayside didn’t have an inkling that all those strange things were happening to me. Okay, okay, maybe I can help some folks out. I’m still not definitely backing down on this.  I have to birth it and let God.


Telepathic Arguments with my Twin

I’m the one with Mars in Aries and since this Supermoon is in Aries, I’ve had to catch my temper many times the past couple of days.  Thank God that we’ve been given guidance about how this will affect us, so no bridges were burned so far.

On the other hand, I’ve felt my twin picking an argument with me several times now, telepathically though. I feel that he is lashing out at me, but I didn’t want to engage because I could tell that it is his own frustration and anger with himself that’s the source.  You know how men pick a fight so that women would break up with them?  That’s how it felt like.  I told him I was here to stay and that I wouldn’t go.  I suspect it is his own feelings of self-worth that are at play here.  He thinks that because of his failed relationships, his codependent way of coping with problems, that he’s no good for me. But I know that that argument is neither true nor valid.

So I’m letting him stew for a while.  I miss our loving connection but these are issues that have resurfaced for a purpose.  He needs to heal them and get rid of the guilt he associates with them.  All is forgiven.  I’m not pressuring him anymore to fit his healing and return with my timeline.  He just needs to do it.

In the meantime, I will continue to heal myself to help him heal.  He is, after all, my twin.  I’m just glad that I am in a place right now where I can tell what this is.  If I were any less enlightened, I would have responded likewise in anger and frustration.



Is Ignorance Bliss?


Perhaps I was already asking all these questions during my dream state and it just slipped into my consciousness as I was waking up.  I don’t know, but I woke up with all these questions about the twin flame journey, and an ongoing debate in my head with me belonging to both the pros and cons, trying to find an answer.

I don’t think I’ll get to answer all of them in this post, but in the spirit of finding the answers “within me”, let’s just see where this goes.

My jump-off question was this:  Would I have been better off not knowing that I was in a twin flame relationship with M?

To make a long story short, I started out not knowing anything about twin flames.  In fact, despite being a patron of destiny advisers long before knowing about my soul profile, the extent of what I would ask was is if he were my soul mate.

That would pose several problems on its own if it was the Sphinx I was asking.  For one thing, it was the wrong question based on the wrong premise.  It’s like trying to find something on Google with the wrong search term and without something that says “related searches”.

Let’s say, as Spirit has answered me many times before, he is my TF, then the Sphinx would answer “No”, and it would be correct.  But since one has to ask the right question before answers are offered, you’re going to have to go on this journey to just know what question to ask, assuming you didn’t swallow that answer lock, stock and barrel.

In my consummate search for understanding the reason for my heartbreak, that’s just what I did.  Why? Why?? WHY???? Why isn’t he my soul mate? And the short answer I got out of that was, “Because he’s your twin, dummy.” From there, a whole new journey began which made me more spiritually aware and took me to other dimensions than this.

But what if I stopped at that point?  Okay, so it’s not going to happen, gnash your teeth, tear your hair out, weep until morning until you’ve gotten it out of your system then move on. And I probably would have gotten to know somebody new, put myself out there more, explored physical love more, and gotten on with my life and just lived to be happy in the moment. In fact, that was my life paradigm before.  Carefree. Happy. Getting into crazy situations because I had the Fool energy with me and the chutzpah to forge ahead not knowing what lay before me.  That’s why my friends have put those experiences in a category of its own: Things that could only happen to Butterkate.

As Yael on this twin flame journey, things and experiences have been more quiet, subtle and inward. A lot of those craziness doesn’t resonate with me anymore and, yes, there is more wisdom and knowing — about what this TF journey will entail, the mission, how physical union plays into that. But if you compare my general energetic state then and now, now, aside from rare and intermittent moments of bliss and communion, I’m mostly miserable and lonely in my separation from my twin, anxious about whether or not we’ll come into physical union, then almost always doubling back to ask if I’d be better off just forgetting about it and going with someone who might actually return my affections.

Come to think about it, it would seem that I was happier then when I didn’t know.  Because now that I do, where do I go from here?  There is no “Okay, moving on.  Next!” There’s only this spinster energy surrounding me, and if a part of my life mission was to fully embody the divine feminine, it seems like I just went from Maiden to Crone in the blink of an eye.

And now, majority of the twin flame teachers are telling us to forget. Live in the moment! Stop pining for your twin or you will miss the blessings and opportunities that are there for the taking.

What in fuckssakes are you talking about now? After going through the entire process of remembering that I am a twin, on a mission on earth, after all that purging, the forgiving, the healing, after finally realizing and reconciling my life experiences thus far and why I had to go through them, now, you’re telling me to forget? What was the freaking point of all this then?

The answer to that which I’ve gotten thus far is that it has to be that way because we’re embodying the God-energy throughout this ascension process.  Alpha and Omega.  The first and the last.  Everything and nothing.  Male and female.  Remembering and forgetting. And everything in between with a vague promise of physical union with one’s twin just to keep things spicy or make us hanker after a goal during our physical embodiment here on earth.  For what would you really want if you have everything already?  Nothing.

It’s the Divine Dichotomy of it all.  And I was prompted this answer by Spirit after I had occasion to come across my award-winning paper back in my law school days  which spoke of the Divine Dichotomy in the Religion Clauses. The conclusion of that paper was that even if the separation of church and state was established (there), it was not strictly practiced because people, at least most of them, will always believe that God necessarily exists in our secular lives (not there).

Same thing in our twin flame relationships, especially for those who remain in separation.  From a 5D perspective, there is union and a merge (there), even if you continue to be apart in 3D (not there). It’s the same thing in 3D only reversed — again, a mirror image.  A continuing cycle of there and not theread infinitum, like the twin flame infinity symbol.

But to get the wheels of creation spinning, so to speak, while in this God-energy, it cannot remain stagnant.  The energy must likewise mimic the push-pull, there-not there dynamic of creation. This is also the reason behind the “energy shift” “role reversals” of twins that is happening currently.  We cannot remain in solely one energetic state (either there or not there, either runner or chaser, either just feminine or masculine) because it hampers movement and synergy.

I don’t really know how best to explain this because a few minutes ago, I also didn’t know that I would be talking about this.  It’s just coming to me now, and quite clearly too.

I think the best analogy I can come up with is the movie, Inception.  It’s like a dream within a dream within a dream, except that you replace the word “dream” with the “infinity symbol” of twin flames, but imagine energy running through it. For twins, despite being one soul in two bodies, we each have one of this inside of us.  Think of a embryo splitting into two, or even atoms.

Now, each twin has to activate that infinity symbol within us to make it move.  How? Again, the God-energy of there-not there, push-pull, masculine-feminine. This is why we are told to have balance within us, to balance both masculine and feminine aspects, otherwise, that little symbol within you will remain static. It won’t move. The God-energy in that microscopic realm (I only call it that in the context to the immensity of the Universe) cannot be fully embodied within you if it is stagnant and the energy doesn’t flow.

Because we (one of the twins) are in the peculiar position of just being half of whole, this is kind of a golf handicap we were given upon emarking our journey with the humans.  Sort of like an extra challenge. We each hold a key and a lock to the other, and like a video game, you get to the next level only when you’ve unlocked both.  And as I said before, the way to unlock is to get that infinite God-energy moving.  When both twins are vibrating at the same frequency, voila!, you may proceed to the next level.

Here’s where it gets tricky.  We’re virtually deaf, dumb, and blind when it comes to our other divine half’s progress on their own.  I think this is what the Eight of Swords has been telling me all this time. Not so much that I feel bound and can’t do anything, but a reminder that this is part of the golf handicapso to speak. It’s been designed that way because, yes, like so many other teachers have been saying, you have to TRUST your twin.  Trust that he/she will be able to activate that infinity symbol within them on their own. This is where TIME becomes a challenge in 3D because we are so immersed in that unit of measure during our temporary sojourn here on earth in this finite lifetime.

I’m not going to expound on that more because the level of frustration when the construct of TIME is added to this twin flame equation is one that is familiar to most of us.  I mean, what the heck, this is the dimension we’re living in by default, this is what we’re conscious of, what we tangibly sense and perceive, plus the fact that our days are numbered in this embodiment so pressure, right?

Anyway, back to my Inception analogy.  To make a long story short, it’s spin, unlock, merge/unite, emanate that God-energy which includes but is not necessarily limited to Unconditional Lovehelp the planet ascend. That’s really it, in a nutshell.  Time is the fucker.

I’m going to end this because I don’t feel guided by spirit anymore (they just left) and my ADHD kicked in.  But I think my question — what’s the point of all this? — was answered.  According to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, to be able to gauge how one point is relative to the other, one must know where the points are.  One cannot create a triangle with just two points, and since part of the twin flame mission is to be aware of and emanate a third point — the God-energy — we necessarily had to know where we are in that map first.

And so, this much we know:

  1.  We know we are twins;
  2. We know what we have to create, a third energy – the God-energy;
  3. We have the handicap of not knowing how much progress our twin is making in creating the God-energy on his own;
  4. We know that the energy within us cannot remain stagnant so we must keep the wheels of creating churning, that infinity symbol spinning until such time that our twin catches up gets on the right frequency; and, most importantly,
  5. Since we know who we are and who we are to triangulate with in creating that third energy, wherever that dynamic energy within us takes us in the meantime, when the “call to physical union” comes, we will know not only where to go or who to be with, but more importantly, keeping our twin flame mission in mind which is bigger than either twin, we will know what to choose.


So that’s the difference between then and now.  It’s like the twin flame journey was a prerequisite course to get a “homing device”, to know where to go and what to do when the time comes.

I just wish that someone had explained this to me like this earlier, then much more time would have been spent making happy instead of being anxious. But I think one has to get to this point of knowing on his/her own and make peace with it before one can go out into the world for new adventures, confident that there will be a homing device to “alert” us when it is time to physically come home to our twin.

There is a CAVEAT though, which I am compelled to mention at this point — if you have come to this point in your journey. In all your “meantime” adventures, try your best not to incur karma which includes getting involved in karmic relationships.  

Why?  First of all, it’s unfair to the human unaware of your twin flame journey/mission.  Second, you can only get to this stage if you’ve already cleared most of your karma, so incurring more karma will just set you and your union back.

That’s all I have on that for now.  Aside from “erotic friendships” coming to mind, I still have no idea how to navigate that one now that the rules are pretty clear.  I just feel that after writing all that that a burden has been lifted off me, like I’ve been given a license to enjoy myself in this “meantime” journey. It’s like I can “forget” without guilt because there is a knowing that I will be “made to remember” when the time comes and that it’s supposed to be like this anyway – remembering and forgetting, having everything and nothing, knowing and not knowing, being together and being apart, push-pull, push-pull in a constant motion.

So that, my dearest friends, is the lesson of the day.  Namaste.