My Penance


I’m feeling a bit sad and down today.  I know I haven’t written here in a while, but that’s because I hardly have time to breathe, relax and even meditate.  It’s just one thing to check off on my list of Things To Do after another.

It’s Black Saturday today and while most of my countrymen were either enjoying the break or going on their personal retreat to reflect, I’ve been doing work.  That has been my penance.  Work I didn’t get to do because I was focused on my mission helping Twin Flames find their light and clarity.

I did go to church on the morning of Good Friday hoping to find silence there and meditate in the presence of God, but there was an event there and what I was looking for wasn’t there.  But I started weeping in church and even on the way back to my house. It was like a Tonglen Express Meditation that happened instantaneously.  All I could think of was, “Please. Look within. Your answers are there. You will find GOD there.” And I suppose I was just weeping for all the people who didn’t have the slightest clue and were just going through the motions of religion.

Can’t find my twin either.  I asked him briefly before I went to bed that if he could not be with me in this lifetime, if he could find me a companion for me to feel the 3D badges of love, and to let me know in my dream, but my dream was totally unrelated to that.  I tried holding on to the feathery strings of the dream to remember as soon as I woke, but it was just me in another timeline. Nothing about love nor companionship.

I feel the “Paradox” now.  Of being and not being.  Of being together and yet separate.  Of being one and apart.  This is the Divine Dichotomy.  The fulcrum in the lemniscate that symbolizes infinity, the journey of Twins.

My TF, he is old now. And I am getting it on with the white hairs, too.  I think what makes me sad is that we may not be ready to come into physical union for a long time yet.  It’s like what those fortune tellers I used to go to told me — that everything I have in this life, I will have to work hard for.  Oh, and one also said that I would be a failure in love.  But that’s really not what’s getting me down now.  It’s clipped wings because of all this darned work stuff.  (See? Now that I’ve identified what really is the matter, I felt my vibration shift.) 

Work.  That and the inventory of luxury handbags that I don’t have time to market and sell.  My hoard.  And I see all these online sellers just making money left and right. I suppose that I will get to it in time.  I just have to get work out of the way. And, seriously, that sucks.

I’d love to come into my own knowing but to emphasize the “suckiness” of the situation, I barely have time to meditate.


So all I have is NOW. Just move forward. Whatever happens, keep moving.  If you’re tired; rest a bit, but keep moving.


About ButterKate

Mistress of MuMu and Maximus ; highly complex Gemini; semi-jaded romantic; purveyor of inane and profound conversation; incessant chocoholic; caffeine-free; mad driver on the road; pheromone questor; control freak; neurotic disguised with calm outer appearance; sufficiently amiable when placid, terrifying when provoked; occasional ditz; sporadic provider of life altering insights; retired poet; provider of mischief as the need arises; patron of destiny advisers; truth-teller (yes, the emperor has no clothes).

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