The Little or Big Cry

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I finally got a big chunk of sleep and while I did, I dreamt of my Twin.

I was billeted in the hotel where we used to meet whenever he’s in the country. I was accompanied, I think, by my aunt whom I used to live with in the US. I was in the hotel restaurant/cafe when he walked in with the karmic.  His whole family was with him.

I didn’t recognize him at first because he was smaller than the karmic and a whole lot older.  Normally, he towers over her at 6’3″ — she’s 5’4″, practically my height, but in my dream, he was almost shrivelled, kind of how Bilbo Baggins looked like in the Fellowship of the Ring as opposed to when he was played by Martin Freeman in the Hobbit.

I was observing them from where I sat in the restaurant.  And I could see that he was truly genuinely affectionate with her, wrapping her arms around her at times, holding her hand;  it was, I felt, as though he had totally forgotten about my existence in the midst of this domestic bliss.

She, on the other hand, was bigger and stockier than she usually is.  She was quite jolly and in love, wearing a monochromatic theme in silver — a long sleeved-cardigan with inner tank and loose fitting trousers. They were on a family vacation, and for some reason, in my dream, we were given the same room, a big one though.

I was wondering when I would approach him.  And my dream turned into some kind of vignette where I would go to places that he would likely visit — the golf course, in my dream — hoping to bump into him.

Last shot was me left in the room with the girlfriend of his eldest son, D. She was just chilling there and I thought to strike up a conversation.  She was very friendly and told me what it was like to be part of the family.  I asked her whatever happened to R, D’s ex, and she told me that R preceded her, and that was ages ago because D was now 29.  And if you translate that into human years, that would be six or more years into the future.

Wow.

That was it though. We never did get to meet up again in person; and I just found out what a lovely time he was having with his family. In my dream, I felt that he was completely smitten with the karmic, falling in love all over again with her.

So, I wake up thinking that maybe this is the “memory” or the sadness that I had to bring up and have a “little or big cry” about, that bit he told me about where he said that he could see himself growing old with her. I did ask my guides for a message before I slept, and for the first time in a looong time, I dreamt about my twin again.

In my dream, I decided not to approach him anymore because he was clearly, obviously happy. I wouldn’t go as far to say that I was happy for him, but I did feel that I had come to terms with the situation, accepted the fact that he was happy, and just let it go.

So, here I am, typing it all down before I forget. I still haven’t had that “little or big cry” about it, just a pervading feeling of sadness.  It could very well be true that, at this point in time, having been in separation for so long, that I’d been totally wiped out of his memory. Or that the power of the evil karmic has seeped into his bones causing him to age, shrink, and do her bidding over his free will — but that’s just wishful thinking on my part, that he isn’t doing this out of his own volition.

Perhaps this is supposed to be the memory that I’ve suppressed and that I need to unearth.  I hadn’t really thought about what he said in so long because it hurt.  He had already decided to spend all his tomorrows with “her”, regardless of what those days may bring.  He picked her.  He wanted to take a chance with her. He decided to stay with her.

And what did Hazel say I should do once this sadness comes to the fore?  Just release it. Let my defenses down with my sadness and feelings.  She said that this little bit is the only thing that’s blocking me from going towards my destiny; that I’ve been doing such a good job seeing things as energy that I’ve blocked off feeling this. So what I’m supposed to do is just feel this — btw, yes, I did have a cry while writing this — but don’t wallow in the sadness. Just let it go.

So I get it now.  That vision of him growing old with his family and totally forgetting about me was a fear that I’ve suppressed.  It’s totally at odds with me believing in him, in the path, and what the future holds for us as twin flames. It’s incongruent with the our nature as one soul coming towards each other for union after having spent several lifetimes apart in order to grow. So, there.  I acknowledge that it was a fear, but I embrace; I release it; and I choose to grow beyond that fear; to fully trust the Universe that the future it holds for me and my twin is better than anything I could have ever imagined. And, yes, that is in 3D, because energetic union in 5D and in higher dimensions, that’s already the goal. So what else could that pertain to but 3D where all illusion exists?

I can feel my vibration rise several notches higher now than when I started writing this post. And it feels good. So I thank my Higher Self and Spiritual Team for unearthing that memory which caused me so much pain and showing me what it is that I had blocked out in my dreams. I do, however, in my supreme and sovereign power, choose NOT to manifest it.

We are Creators, both you and I. Remember that.

 

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