I started the day with quite a high from all that Reiki energy that coursed through me yesterday. My heart chakra was bursting with unconditional love for my twin and for the world as if bestowing a blessing on everyone I came across.
It was one of those days where I felt I couldn’t be more in love with my twin, until another day just like that comes along and I learn that the heart is a continually expanding like the vast expanse of space.
I was in my element, grateful to the Universe and all the powers that be for getting me to this point where it felt like I was in 5D and in 3D all at the same time.
The crash came when I was reminded how humans can be disappointing.
You see, I’ve never been vocal about my Twin Flame journey save in this blog. (Yes, I get the irony since this is public, but then again, none of you — I hope — can put a face to the name and all that) In my real life, I’ve guarded that part of me like a lioness protective of her cubs. It’s a part of me that’s very vulnerable, the kind that has to be spoken soft and low because anything more than a whisper, it would vanish.
Anyway, I made a Twin Flame friend along the way. And we were both supporting each other, pointing each other to resources that would help us improve spiritually, dissecting what was going on in the groups behind the scenes, and since I was in full blown mission, I would tell her the things I experienced and all that. In other words, I opened up and the “acquaintance” filter came down.
Today, while we were chatting about things, I went on a semi-rant about this video by another twin who did a song and dance instead of apologizing straight out for whatever sorry thing she did. To me, that came off as justification — a show of ego; instead of just simply apologizing and acknowledging what she did. It was bullshit and I could see through it.
Conversation flows along and we say goodbye, but later on, I find out she (TF friend) posts that she’s had a healing with that twin I was ranting about a day ago and she never thought to mention it. Sneaky bastard.
Now, that’s a trigger for me, if there ever was one. Trust issues come up. I already get this “being out of the loop” with my family and — no, it’s not even being kept out of the loop; it’s deliberately being withheld information from. She had an opportunity to bring it up and no reason not to. So red flags come up because the whole reciprocity thing is knocked off balance. And I’m instantly regretting that I’ve added her to my real FB page where my friends, my family, my life is there for her to get a peek of. So I’ve been on Code Black mode and have been vascillating between putting her on my restricted list and unchecking it again. Right now, she’s on my restricted list and I am on shutdown mode. I don’t like watching my back with so-called friends.
I suppose this is something else I have to heal and purge, and I will, in time, but that time is not now at 5:00 in the morning. I’m just pissed that she threw me off kilter when I had a lot of clients waiting for services to be delivered and I can’t do it because I’m not balanced. Fuck it. And this is the kind of thing that turns me into all Goddess of Destruction mode. Yeah. Feel the fire. Feel the burn.