I’ve been mulling about how the energies of the lunar eclipse last night affected me. After almost an entire week of self-isolation, purging, healing, I feel like an empty vessel just waiting to be filled.
This is an energy I haven’t felt before. I know I’ve had previous blog posts about surrendering, but I don’t think it was authentic at all. Now that I know what this feels like, in retrospect, it seemed that the so-called “surrendering” I felt before was more like an ultimatum for the Universe.
I feel “floaty”, if that’s even a word. For the past two days, I’ve been seeing lights. It wasn’t because I was hungry or lacked sleep — I’ve been resting lots — but it’s like when you stare at a lamp for a good five minutes and then when you stare at something else, the image of the lights are still there. Except in this case, I haven’t been staring at lights. They’re just there. Sometimes, I’ve even had to hold my wrist and arms just to check if I’m still physically there. What the hey, am I ascending?
I feel empty but I feel good. It’s like my masculine energy took a step back and a soft feminine energy took over. It’s like a quiet acquiescence and deference to spirit. It’s “Okay.”
He’s not here yet? Okay.
He’s still got some purging to do? Okay.
He’s still mourning the loss and heartbreak from his karmic? Okay.
I don’t love him any less. I just hung an “Out of Order” sign on my misery switch. So, no, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do this weekend. If this is how “meditation” is manifesting in me — being still to the barest minimum — then so be it.