Mission Logs


Very vivid dream sequences again.  Me, living in a big city in a condo with my TF; then I go exploring the city, going to the law library of one of the big and exclusive firms where they even wrote my name wrong on the appointment book; and then me riding a cab to somewhere where the cabbie was trying to gyp me with an add on to the fare.  I remember we were passing by ports, lots of cargo ports.

Remembering the rest of my dream though got pushed by back by this thought — all this chronicling of my twin flame journey reminded me of the captain’s or survivors logs in a space mission sci-fi movie. You know, the ones wherein they’re on a mission; they’ve lost contact with Houston and they’re making v-logs for posterity just in case somebody rescues them or finds them.  They’re frustrated because they’re all alone in space and there’s no one to talk to; they’re doing their best to survive the harsh environment because it’s alien to them, but — and this is a distinct feeling I got — there was no shame in having the mission fail because they’re one of the few who got chosen to do it anyway.

That’s precisely what I feel about where I am now, except in reverse, where Earth/Gaia is the alien environment, and I’m trying to make contact with my co-astronaut who went with me on a mission, and after having fulfilled the individual and independent parts of our mission — let’s say it’s to retrieve some important piece of an energy generator here on earth — we have to dock it in Interstellar fashion to generate massive amounts of the love energy to flood and power up the new grid for Gaia. (I’m taking that as a prompt to watch the movie again, there may be something in it for me that I missed the first time around).

I suppose this is just a new way of looking at it.  One where there is less anxious energy if only because there is no need to ask whether or not one is indeed one of those astronauts picked for that mission or what the mission is.  No need.  I’m already on the mission. Right smack in the middle of it. And whether or not the mission gets accomplished and me and my twin get to that “docking scene”, I rather like this new mission-oriented energy.  It’s like I told myself not to be ashamed or feel broken about the state of the mission because, hey, I volunteered to be on this mission, part of the 144,000 handpicked to be halved and deployed, to get together again at a later time, when both are ready “to dock”. And here I am, trying to run things in my spaceship, keeping it afloat and maintaining it so it is “dock-worthy” when the time comes, while waiting for the homing signal of my twin.

So that’s one way of looking at it.

On the other hand, I’m not getting anything these days as regards “mission status”.  My cards aren’t telling me anything.  Most of the videos up on You Tube don’t resonate with me anymore, and I’m wondering if this sort of energy will turn me into the “runner” again when he shows up. I’ve been the “chaser” for this latter part of the journey, so to speak, but in the beginning, he was the one more open and wanting to connect more which I was wary of.

But, if this energy persists, I don’t think it will make me run.  It will more likely make me stay put.  It’s as if, if our reunion had happened before today, I envisioned that to be with more flourish and drama.  I could imagine myself crying and hugging him with all that jazz. Today, if the energy I’m feeling right now as regards him were to be translated into a “scene”, I feel like a queen on her throne in a large throne room and when he arrives, all I say is, “You finally made it.  I’ve been waiting for you a long time.” All very matter of factly.

That’s all I have for you this morning.  Until the next transmission.




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