The Hummingbird’s Song

The past few days, my enthusiasm for my twin flame journey has waned somewhat.  I mean, what else do you do when you realize that despite wanting it to happen NOW, everything’s subject to divine timing?  Add to that the possibility that union may just mean the balancing of the masculine and feminine aspects of oneself and not physical union with one’s twin and, well, I got into an “Oh, well…” surrendered kind of vibe.

Whenever I’d pull cards for my twin to see where he’s at, it’s still the same, working through some things that need healing and all that. Still the same Four of Pentacles, Eight of Swords, Seven of Swords.  And I’m kind of tired of that.  It’s like, delay again because you can’t figure things out or make a decision to head towards me? Oh, well. What’s new…

I still continually ask for signs but this “divine timing” is putting a damper on my enthusiasm.  The other day, I was asking for a sign if I really was a twin flame and if we would get into union in this lifetime, and I got my answer through a jeepney on the lane opposite mine heading towards me.  It had the words “BIRTHRIGHT” across its dash.  I took it as a sign because if you’ve lived here long enough, you’d know that “Birthright” isn’t something commonly emblazoned on jeepneys.  Why on earth would anyone use that word to mark their jeepneys with? It’s a fairly complicated word, loaded with meaning.

The next thing that called my attention was this sticker on a vehicle that said “Keep Faith & Trust”. So it seems I’ve been answered.

Still, nothing in 3D.  Been focusing my attention elsewhere first. Thinking whether or not I would contact him but I’ve gone the chaser way before and that didn’t work.  I know he was in my dreams yesterday but it was the last segment of my dream totally unrelated to him that I ended up remembering, so that’s lost in the ether as well. I seem to have a hard time remembering my dreams these days.

Spirit found a way around that, I guess.  I woke up to the sound of a singing bird.  Now, I’m usually annoyed at birds because … well, precisely because they wake me up with all that blasted chirping.  Usually, they stop whenever they sense the dogs or humans up and about.  I got up, thought nothing of it, did my morning rituals.  Dogs were wide awake and playing with each other.  The singing didn’t stop. The help came in to “make my bed” already — point is, a lot of movement — and the bird still kept singing.  So by this point, it got my attention. That bird has got some nerve to keep on making noise despite the presence of humans and canines!  So I take a peek through the door leading out to the balcony to see what the offender looked like.  I was expecting several native finches (which is what is common around here) congregating in the balcony, but lo and behold, what do I see?

A hummingbird.

A what? Yes, a hummingbird. You could imagine my disorientation.  Sure, if I were back living in the States, this would not be out of the ordinary, but here in the tropical suburban jungle, what on earth was it doing here? And I watched while peeking through a semi open door as it flit about, still singing, until it fully dawned on me that this wasn’t a usual thing, before it set off in flight.  It was like it made sure that I got the message.

But what message was that exactly? This is what I got:

The special magic of the hummingbird is in its movement which creates the infinity symbol.  Infinity = Twin Flames. “Hummingbird is a symbolic ambassador of this special magic; meaning that with skillful maneuvering,  and the magic of believing anything is possible.”

Hummingbird Meaning

The hummingbird generally symbolizes joy and playfulness, as well as adaptability. Additional symbolic meanings are:

• Lightness of being, enjoyment of life
• Being more present
• Independence
• Bringing playfulness and joy in your life
• Lifting up negativity
• Swiftness, ability to respond quickly
• Resiliency, being able to travel great distances tirelessly

It seems like a lovely sign through and through.  However, whenever someone tells me to “be prepared” or “be resilient” my PTSD kicks in and that just makes me more anxious.  Like warning bells go off in my head and I’m like, what heart and gut wrenching challenge should I go through this time?

I really really want somebody — no, not somebody, my twin flame, specifically — to take me aside, hug me, and tell me that all my worries are over, that I am loved, that we will go through life together, that we have more than enough for a roof over our heads, food, clothing, a comfortable lifestyle which includes travel and vacations, and all the other blissful stuff that comes with divine unions.

But my twin is still struggling with issues. So until he figures that out, it’s going to be a solo flight for me.