Guidance, I mean.
I’m at a crossroads now regarding a career decision and although I keep asking for guidance, it seems like all my other-dimensional guides and the divine beings are just quiet. And I don’t feel as though I’m anchoring any energies anymore. It’s as if I’m a beacon that’s “under renovation”.
This happened to my clairaudient and psychic friend before when she had to choose whether or not she was going to stay with her abusive husband or not. When we met up for a tete-a-tete, to get caught up on things, she told me that for several months, she stopped receiving guidance. I was “connected” then, and I told her that it was because she was at a point in her life where free will kicked in. I told her not to worry because it would come back. And it did, eventually, once she got her annullment started and all that.
What I didn’t tell her then that I know now is that, spiritually, she was at the end of a cycle. She had successfully completed or mastered a stage where she was able to resolve her karma. And, because the end is assured, at least spiritually, whatever she chooses will just determine the setting of where her next lessons take place. It’s like she finally reached a platform where there are several connecting trains, and it’s up to her to choose which train to take, because that will only determine the view, the scenery she’s going to take in during the journey.
Anyway, so that answer is still applicable to my situation now. So it’s kind of useless asking for guidance (even if I’d still appreciate some just for peace of mind). I’m even sort of wishing that my TF would show up already so that I don’t have to make this choice, because, really, if they cared to ask me what I want, union in the physical world (3D) with my twin is what I’d really like for this incarnation.
So, right now, I feel the void. I am in the void. I’ve been listening to videos of other twin flames about their journey and I don’t know what to make of it. Some have had their TFs actually get in touch with them after a long period of separation and even propose marriage to them, and one even rejected it.
Others are saying that the union is merely spiritual and that after the merge and the activations, we’re supposed to go on about our TF mission, whatever that may be. They tout messages that we know that our twin is really always with us and that we’re never alone yadayadayada. They describe the — I don’t really have a word for it that would be precise, but if we’re going with the way I feel now it would be “insouciance” — about our twins and coming to the knowing that there is something higher than physical union, and being clearer and focusing on the Twin Flame mission that we signed up for.
If this is indeed my last incarnation and I’m supposed to be going through the rest of my life “alone but not alone” after going through all that purging and healing and searching for answers for about a decade now, I still want to scold whomever aspect of me signed up for that mission. Because now, it just feels like a Contract of Adhesion that my earthly self seems bound to, that I signed up for without truly knowing the terms.
Don’t get me wrong. Accessing 5D and being in a state of bliss from time to time is great, plus all the benefits of being connected to Spirit is awesome too, but it’s this 3D life that I am conscious of and that I have to navigate in by default. I can’t just sit under a tree and ruminate all day long, you know. So this calm, this balance, this state of surrender and acceptance when the choice you want still doesn’t present itself to you — well, what other choice have you got? Throw a tantrum? Lash out at the Universe? End Game?
Of course, they’re all still choices, but…. really now, when you’ve gotten to this stage in one’s spiritual journey and then so many messengers or channelers are in effect saying, “See? You’ve gotten this far without your twin. Who needs them in the physical anyway? Not you. So go ahead on your journey without them,” I can’t help feeling that I’ve been taken for a ride to some destination that I didn’t agree to. And wherever destination it takes me — other than the intended one I had in mind — whenever some messenger or channeler tries to justify the end by saying “See? It’s not half bad! Enjoy!”, it kind of makes me want to strangle them because I feel like a tourist with a bad tour guide. You know what I mean? Like you booked a trip to some exotic destination; you have limited time there; and you’ve made up your mind to go see this particular tourist destination. But your tour guide vetoes your choice and brings you someplace else that, although not half bad, isn’t what you wanted to see. And although that tour amused you somewhat, you can’t help feeling miffed and duped because that time spent in that alternate destination could have been spent seeing some other place that you wanted to see in the first place.
At the end of it all, you’re already there and it becomes a “might as well” proposition. I’m here in this place, might as well enjoy it.
That’s what I’m calling BS on. Was it not possible to get on this journey without all the manipulation? Was it not possible to just spell out what this was in the beginning instead of having had to nurture heartbreak and pain and, most frustrating of all — HOPE? Or would that have given away all the answers?