The Quiet of Surrender


We don’t talk much these days, but I know he is around, just quiet. Maybe it’s also because my worklife has been such a whirlwind this past week, and even though I’ve wanted to settle down and connect or just have a pleasant conversation with him, i’ve been switching gears like a madman, going from adrenalin-pumped one minute, to decompressing mode in the next.

At last, the thing I was rushing to get done was promulgated this afternoon.  That means the weekend is generally free for me to wind down and get some downtime. That’s good.

I have been checking in on him through my cards daily, and even in my cards, there seems to be a progression.  When before, the presence of the Eight of Swords would be default, it hardly appears now. So it seems that either he or I have gotten past the phase of thinking we’re trapped in our situation. The blindfold’s off, so it seems.

In its stead though, the Seven of Swords keeps appearing, and almost always appearing after that are cards that would indicate union. I am still asking for discernment on how to decode it, but the sense I’m getting whenever I read is that he’s employing stealth to fully break away from his old situation.  Possibly because he also knows that they will do everything to keep him tied down to the old ways because they fear change.  So he has to be crafty about it.

Anyway, I feel quite comfortable now even if I’m sort of on a retreat from the outside world. There is a greater desire in me to connect to the Source, to experience bliss without 3D stress. And I figured, “So, this is why all Buddha wanted to do was sit under a tree all day!” It’s like I want to find the answers and go directly to Source.

Even my cards are giving more fairly accurate readings most of the time. Just today, things turned out at work the way my cards answered they would. And, of course, I didn’t tell anyone I did a reading about it in order to influence the outcome.  And my 3D me, was prepared for the alternate eventuality which my cards did not predict. Still, it came to pass, just as it was laid out in my cards.

On other matters — I realized that I genuinely enjoy dressing up and accessorizing.  I have way too many clothes, shoes, and accessories, more than places I have to go or wear them to. I don’t mind.  It brings me joy to know that I can reinvent myself everyday through my clothes.  Even when I was younger, I suppose this was a hobby.  And since I was a fat, pudgy, awkward kid with issues (but don’t get me wrong, I still had a strong personality back then, and this awkward i-don’t-know-where-to-place-myself phased was largely internal because, despite that, I still presented well) I dressed up my Barbies instead. My grandmother put her sewing machine to work and every scrap of cloth she could find, she would turn into Barbie couture. Now that I come to think of it, it was amazing what detail she put into them since those clothes were soooo tiny!

Hold on — I just thought of something.  I want to start The Gratitude Project on FB.  I feel that it will lift other people’s vibrations even just for five minutes.  The general idea is for 30 days, you have to thank someone for something they’ve done.  They shouldn’t make it public because it will be an ego thing, thank them in private, and they should just put in their status something like “Day 1 of the Gratitude Project, 29 days more to go”.  When they start the Gratitude Project, they should nominate 5 people to take part in it.  Just being thanked doesn’t meant they are nominated and should embark on the project. So it doesn’t mean they will be obliged to do something in return.  They should just bask in that energy of love that the thanks brings. 

What do you think? I like the idea. Hmmm.

Okay, back to my TF.  I don’t know what else to say. I miss him and yet,  since I know he’s there, I don’t. It’s strange, and maybe this is what married couples who are still in love with each other feel like. It’s like being enveloped in a warm fond embrace wherever they find themselves in, even if they are alone. It’s blissful, really.  And the feeling makes me want to do nothing else but… sit under a tree with a grin plastered on my face.  Buddha and I are buddies now. 😛


About ButterKate

Mistress of MuMu and Maximus ; highly complex Gemini; semi-jaded romantic; purveyor of inane and profound conversation; incessant chocoholic; caffeine-free; mad driver on the road; pheromone questor; control freak; neurotic disguised with calm outer appearance; sufficiently amiable when placid, terrifying when provoked; occasional ditz; sporadic provider of life altering insights; retired poet; provider of mischief as the need arises; patron of destiny advisers; truth-teller (yes, the emperor has no clothes).

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