It’s Black Saturday today. Just one day more until Easter and I would have survived the Holy Week I had been so dreading. And over where I live where everyone is predominantly Catholic (including me), the Holy Week is strictly observed – no work. It’s paid time off to go on a vacation/staycation and to rest and reflect at what you’ve done in your human life.
Holidays are always difficult for me because I have no one to spend them with. Much as I’d like to go to the beach or take in some other scenery, going at it alone makes me sadder than if I wouldn’t have gone. I’ve since learned to suck it up and just stay still until it blows over.
Went brainstorming with a friend last Wednesday. We’re somewhat in the same boat – not knowing where to go or what to do with the rest of our single lives. It was rather depressing. We came to the conclusion that this was pretty much it. Actually, I think she had more hope for a romantic love life than I did. All I could see stretched out ahead of me were more lonely days, lists of things to do, and occasional dalliances with things and events to amuse me. So, yes, the rest of my life will mostly be spent finding things to bide my earthly time with. It’s not a very exciting prospect really.
I was glad I was able to go to confession though. It was two years ago since my last one. Thing is, aside from being sharp of tongue and invoking karma to descend on those who continue to wreak havoc in the world (which isn’t really a sin and more of a duty since part of my soul purpose in this lifetime is to dish out Divine Justice), I genuinely felt I didn’t have much to confess. Forbearance was the name of my game for the most part, at least, with the major things that other people do to hurt me. I’ve long since realized that it’s part of their “being human”, this penchant they have of not being able to look beyond what’s in front of them.
I didn’t partake in most of the traditional things that should be done during the Holy Week. And like I said, most Catholic folk have it in front of them but don’t look beyond. Take the violet shrouds that cover most of the religious statutes. For the unenlightened, violet is just the color of lent. However, it’s representative of the Silver Violet Flame that purges us and transmutes the negativity into a higher frequency vibration, one that brings us closer to God. And I realized that although I hadn’t confessed in quite a while, I had already been confessing to God every time I invoked the Silver Violet Flame. I forgave myself. I forgave others who had wronged me. One cannot help but do so when the blessing of the Silver Violet Flame descends.
But the unawakened horde doesn’t realize that. Or take the Sacred Heart, for example. Most depiction of saints and Jesus and Mother Mary show their sacred hearts emanating light. Devotees pray novenas and reflect on this, but they do not realize that it’s representative of the heart chakra which, on the Ascended Masters, are working at full efficiency, for lack of a better term. And instead of wondering in awe at what they perceive to be supernatural and beyond them, they should try harder instead to make their own sacred hearts shine brighter. Well, that’s what I did for my Lenten reflection. I activated my heart chakra with meditation and channeling from my Lyran kin. And once it’s opened, you’ll be able to understand the depth of love one can feel for another without it being tainted by guilt.
The heaviest sin, IMHO, that I confessed was that I felt bitterness at my lot in life. And this is true, as you can read from my previous blog posts. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is as far as God’s plan for me goes. At least in this lifetime. And I know that I’ve been resisting it, railing against it, hoping against hope that there was something more I could look forward to, but maybe this is it.
I can see myself waving that white flag of surrender. What would you have me do, God? That’s what I’ve been meditating on. I have gotten no answers, except “Rest. Chill.” Well, God didn’t exactly say ‘Chill’, but basically, I should just bask in the surrendering.
When I asked my cards, Judgment + Tower + Two of Pents came up. Could be positive. Could be otherwise. But I do know that it pertains to my Twin Soul reunion. I’ll have to ask more about that.
Okay, heading out to watch “Batman vs. Superman” in a bit. Alone, yes, on a holiday. It’s one of those activities I’ve lined up for myself to keep amused. Oh, well. Happy Easter, everyone!